Welcome back to The Real Housewives of Dallas — they are finally back in Dallas, y’all! Hopefully the dildo jokes stayed in Mexico, but you never know with this crew. First, we begin with Cary having to break the news to her husband Mark about the rumors surrounding his alleged activities at, The Round Up, gay bar. Cary downgrades the down-low antics to Mark arranging for men to hit on him. The result is the same — Mark is sick and tired of the mean girls.
Brandi is throwing her annual themed holiday party. Stephanie is there to assist with the planning of Brandi-Land. All the girls are invited and only D’Andra cannot attend. Brandi and Stephanie have a sit down to throw Cary under the bus. Brandi says she doesn’t appreciate being called a liar. Stephanie says their fight in Mexico was like, so fricken’ awkward and weird for her. However, Cary is invited because Brandi doesn’t like to leave people out — she prefers to embarrass and humiliate them in person.
Next, we are at the office with D’Andra who is ready to pitch a new product to her mom. The idea is called: snow algae. Doesn’t that sound wonderful? It’s an aloe based anti-aging product and Dee is very fond of the new scent. So what will it cost? The initial investment is $100,000 and will retail for $100. And you’ve just knocked out a good portion of consumers. But Dee gives the okay to proceed. Way to go D’Andra! Don’t screw it up.
We are at LeeAnne’s house as she receives an IV treatment most people get for hangovers. Brandi calls on the phone to check in and gets an earful. LeeAnne informs her that while in Mexico, Cary announced she can no longer be friends with Brandi and Stephanie. Quick question? Why not bring this up in Mexico during the actual dildo drama. Playing with a dildo is classy, y’all. The point is, a fight is brewing and will transpire at this party. Yay!
Onto Kameron, the blond alien who is visiting a strange planet called a dog food plant. Kameron has Louis with her because he’s the ultimate client of the pink dog food world which is a $25 billion with a B industry. The guys that meet with alien politely listen to Kameron’s idea. After chuckling, they are on board. In fact, one of the guys recommends diamond shaped kibble. He’s a genius.
Up next, LeeAnne is still not feeling well so she goes to the doctor. Tests reveal she has a flesh eating bacteria on her breasts. Her doctor reassures her that everything will be okay after several weeks. LeeAnne is like, Why me, y’all? The doc says good things happen to bad people. Not anything like, bacteria in the hospital creates this or bacteria in Mexico could have contributed, just that basically life is a crap shoot.
D’Andra and her lovely husband Jeremy are going to Croatia. She says she hasn’t been an attentive wife and Jeremy plans to change that. Jeremy’s son calls to check in, interrupting the moment. D’Andra hasn’t spoken to Keatin since he left. She apologizes for being controlling.
It’s party time! Brandi is dressed like a Greek bride and her husband is dressed like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. Brandi tells Stephanie what LeeAnne said about Cary not wanting to be friends with them. Stephanie doesn’t want to believe it because, according to her, LeeAnne has been known to lie. Brandi believes LeeAnne because she doesn’t want Stephanie to be close to any other women besides her. Brandi says she will not be called a liar by some nanny/nurse interloper who had an affair with her employer. WTF? This is the first I’m hearing that Cary was the nanny for Mark and his wife.
LeeAnne arrives with ex cast member Tiffany. D’Andra wheels in remotely. Cary and Kameron arrive together because their husbands’ said no fricken way. They bypass LeeAnne – and who can blame them – but this pisses LeeAnne off. At the bar, Kameron is disappointed that their dinks are being served in plastic cups, like, are they at a frat party? But the good news is, she has Cary’s back should anything go down at the frat party. And it will.
LeeAnne shares with Brandi and Stephanie that she has a flesh-eating bacteria. They are like, Eww, why are you here? Kameron goes over to Brandi with a gift because it’s proper to give a gift to the hostess. It’s a pack of batteries. Brandi says Kameron knows nothing about sex toys. You see, batteries are for vibrators – which sounds like a great title if Brandi should ever write her memoir.
Here is the misstep Cary makes – she tells Brandi she’s bored. If you’re bored, then don’t let the door hit ya. You never say this to the hostess. Brandi confronts Cary about no longer wanting to be friends with her and Stephanie. Cary yawns and says she has no idea if she said that or not. LeeAnne whips out note cards. Note cards? Really? Well at least it’s not a knife.
It’s too loud at the party so the women go downstairs to a cold basement and put Cary on the grill. Cary and Stephanie acknowledge they’ve been good friends to each other, but Cary says their behavior in Mexico was really, really, really, really antagonizing. After a flashback, both see that both Kameron and Cary said they couldn’t be friends with Stephanie and Brandi. But only Kameron called them trashy. Cary says, “Obviously LeeAnne is not her biggest fan.” And it’s go time!
LeeAnne says her not being a fan has nothing to do with Cary not wanting to be friends with Brandi and Stephanie. Oh, but it does. LeeAnne pulls out her notes again because dementia is a bitch, and says, “We’re gonna do it now and you’re gonna shut up” to Cary. Great way to get someone’s full attention. LeeAnne accuses Cary of not owning her shit. The group argues over the inappropriateness of a dildo versus Cary getting naked for their ads. Did you know Cary’s body is a temple, y’all? She said it several times so it must be true.
Stephanie thinks Cary should have told Kameron they aren’t trash — even though playing with a dildo on a yacht is trashy. Cary points out that she and Stephanie were friends first and then she met Brandi through Stephanie and she would never be friends with LeeAnne.
It’s on! LeeAnne stands up, gets in Cary’s face and yells, “Oh bitch, you and I ain’t never gonna be friends.” Cary tells LeeAnne that her breath stinks and LeeAnne says she hopes it smells like shit and to lick it up. LeeAnne then smashes a glass to the ground and her sparkly belt pops off. She yells at Cary to “be real.” Kameron is like, Duh, y’all, that’s why Brandi chose plastic.
Next, Brandi tells Cary that she was the “f*cking nanny.” Cary admits that she babysat Mark’s kids, but can’t believe Brandi would sink so low and bring up the kids. LeeAnne feels she’s been vindicated, but everyone’s white outfits looks like tarnished. How can any of these women feel good about this conversation? Cary and Kameron leave and Stephanie recognizes this is not Brandi talking, but a puppet master.
Tune in next week when Mark confronts LeeAnne about the rumors she started about his male parts.