We return to The Real Housewives of Dallas right where we left off y’all – in Mexico with Brandi accusing Cary of saying that her plastic surgeon has killed people. Cary denies this and calls Brandi a liar, but interestingly enough, this started out with Cary accusing LeeAnne of threatening to harm her. LeeAnne is totally enjoying this turn of events. Brandi, Stephanie, D’Andra and LeeAnne hit the bar scene to dance on the tables while Kameron and Cary go back to their hotel room for a boring time of charcoal masks and sleep.
The following morning Brandi is hungover and struggling to remember more than hanging out with old people can be fun. The old people are D’Andra and LeeAnne. Kameron has decided that Brandi and Stephanie can’t be trusted and Cary is the only true, full person. For a girl who talks like a baby, she calls it like she sees it. Brandi thinks that LeeAnne dug up the “sexual chocolate” dildo from the beach and brought it back to the hotel room. She sets out to prove it. Brandi walks into LeeAnne and D’Andra’s room filming to find D’Andra filming her. D’Andra and LeeAnne claim they threw the dildo away and Brandi doesn’t believe them.
When the rest of the ladies wake up they pretend like nothing ever happened and no one addresses the chocolate elephant in the room. D’Andra announces today will be about team building exercises. The teams are: Brandi and Kameron, LeeAnne and Cary, and D’Andra and Stephanie. This sounds more like team destroying exercises.
The handsome guys at the beach explain the “bery easy” obstacle course. On your mark, get set, go! Team Sesame Street is in the lead, when it’s up to Kameron Big Bird, but Brandi the Grouch Elmo nearly ruins it for them. LeeAnne can’t find the buried balls and digging for them hurts her breasts. Now it’s volleyball time, also not a good idea for someone with fresh surgery sutures, but LeeAnne insists she can serve. And she can. You’d think Kameron would be great at volleyball, but she sucks.
Now it’s time to eat! The picnic is set up on the beach and the drinking begins. Cary asks Stephanie about her new house. She tears up telling the ladies about her son and his learning disabilities. Cary announces she needs to wash the sand from her vajayjay and Brandi can’t believe Kameron doesn’t have a problem with this kind of talk while they are eating. Kameron says it’s because she was made aware of Cary’s sandy-hoo-haw problem beforehand, which makes no sense.
Brandi and Stephanie are on a mission to find sexual chocolate. How long can these two keep this stupid dildo joke going? Too long unfortunately. They dress like D’Andra and LeeAnne to get their room key from the hotel staff. Brandi, claiming to be LeeAnne, says she knows Jennifer Lopez and needs to get into the room to take her meds. The guy hands over the room key without question so he can get rid of these annoying women. Once inside, Stephanie eats the leftover pancakes from their breakfast. They strike gold, or chocolate, under the pillow and deduce that it’s been used. Eww. They grab it and go without using gloves or a towel. Double eww.
Time for the boat ride from hell. Let’s drink Tequila for good luck – with the captain. The water is getting rough, but that’s okay because Brandi likes it that way. Kameron calls out Brandi and Stephanie for all the horrible things they said about LeeAnne behind her back. Brandi tells Kameron she’s full of shit. Stephanie says they were being funny, not mean. But of course they were being both.
D’Andra brings up that Brandi told them Cary was talking shit about Rich. Cary admits to saying Rich has a small penis, but insists that was a joke, too. D’Andra is like, That’s it? Brandi had led them to believe it was something massive. Not Rich’s penis of course, but the shade. Brandi says she doesn’t want to be in the middle of these two bitches. Too bad, Brandi, you are in the middle because you put yourself there. The story about The Round Up and Mark’s extra-curricular activities comes out. LeeAnne acts like she doesn’t remember saying this, but accepts responsibility. Cary asks LeeAnne why she would repeat lies when Mark has kids. LeeAnne doesn’t have a response.
The seas are getting rougher by the minute and not just because of these ladies and their fighting. Stephanie crawls to the side of the boat to throw up. Cary is next to lean over and feed the fish. The good news is the girls just lost the calories from this morning’s breakfast. Two hours later, the boat ride from hell is over.
LeeAnne tells the women they all need to own their effing shit that comes out of their effing mouth besides the vomit. She wants an apology from Cary, but Cary explains she panics and lashes out every time LeeAnne says crap about her. LeeAnne claims she is hurting like Ali – the boxer that floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee. So that makes no sense. Anyway, LeeAnne and Cary finally apologize to each other.
Stephanie asks to see LeeAnne’s boobs. LeeAnne is offended by this and makes a joke about finding the dildo they buried on the beach and chasing Brandi around with it. Brandi whips out the sexual chocolate dildo and LeeAnne can’t figure out how Brandi got it when she had it safely tucked under her pillow. Brandi then teases Kameron with it again because she’s a child.
Kameron exits the boat and D’Andra follows her. Kameron whines that Brandi is like super-trashy, y’all, and won’t stop crossing boundaries, y’all. Back on the boat, Brandi keeps waving the dildo around as she tells LeeAnne it’s funny to wave around a dildo. LeeAnne gives up on talking to Brandi and Stephanie about class because she knows nothing about it and they are too drunk. Kameron makes a funny joke when she says that Brandi can suck it if she thinks she’s going back on the boat. Of course, D’Andra has to point out the funny joke to her, but then Kameron gets it and laughs.
Tune in next time when LeeAnne loses her temper and her belt with Cary.