Who wants to party? Can I get a woo-hoo! We join The Real Housewives of Orange County for multiple celebrations with multiple revelations. Vicki is planning a party for herself and wants to have a roast, but doesn’t know exactly what a roast is. Spoiler alert: it has nothing to do with beef. Once Briana informs Vicki she will be crying in her birthday cake, Vicki no longer wants people to roast her.
Next we are with Kelly as she stops by the clothing boutique that Peggy’s daughter Gia works at, not to be confused with her other daughter Gio who does not work there. Or the other way around. Anyway, Kelly announces she’s not trying anything on because she’s had another vajayjay tightening procedure. Because obviously.
Elsewhere, Lydia and Meghan are hiking. Lydia is still discussing Doug’s vasectomy. My God Woman! Stop talking about it. She says Doug is thinking about banking some of his sperm just like Jimmy did, so Doug can either use it with Lydia or a younger wife, whoever comes first. Ba-dum-tisk. Lydia then brings up the drag queen event and that she had a nice time before the fight between Meghan and Kelly broke out. Meghan says, Oh no you weren’t. Lydia explains that dressing like a man, made her feel uncomfortable.
Meghan says something’s off with Kelly. Lydia thinks something’s off with Meghan and it’s called hormones. When Meghan tries to point out the difference between her text and Kelly’s text, Lydia says catty is as catty does, and she’s Team Kelly. MELTDOWN! Meghan starts crying and says she’s not hiking with Lydia anymore, ever again, so there. Lydia says sorry, not sorry, let’s go back so you can breastfeed your baby. Thought she was done on St. Patrick’s Day, but whatev.
Over at Tamra’s place, she is baking something not very well when she gets a surprise call from Vicki. Vicki timidly asks Tamra to meet for coffee sans alcohol. Tamra can’t believe her ears. Go without alcohol? Vicki says she’s ready to get to a not-so awkward place. Tamra calls Shannon immediately afterwards to tell her about the call. Shannon says, Eff her. Tamra says she is willing to give Vicki a chance to apologize because she’s a Christian?
Back with Peggy, two of the three kids will be flying the coop soon and she no longer has to hear, mom, mom, mom, again and again. How’s that for honesty. Next, Peggy ponders if a bear sleeps where he sh*ts in the woods? She has no clue. Diko drives one of their many sports cars with Peggy to the post office to mail off college applications. Have you heard the joke, how many people does it take to mail a letter? Oh my gosh, these two! It takes one assistant. Sheesh.
Meghan’s mom is in town for a visit with her grandbaby, Aspen. Jimmy is nowhere to be seen. Meghan reminds us that her mom was actually there for the conception of her grandchild, but eww, we know, Aspen was conceived in a doctor’s office, not in a bedroom. Meghan admits she’s struggling with her hormones and says she has no time for Kelly-drama. What do you mean? There’s always time for Kelly-drama!
It’s birthday time again for Shannon. This time last year David threw her a vow renewal and pretended he loved her. David no longer pretends. Instead he blames the distance on Shannon’s stress and Shannon blames Vicki for the stress. David reaches out to touch Shannon’s hand and she tells him it’s the first time he’s held her hand in six months. Way to kill the mood, Shannon. She continues to eat, I mean, beat the dead horse about David’s lack of interest. Shannon wants to know what happened, but David goes to check on the girls and the birthday dinner everyone pitched in to make. David prays and asks for the Lord’s help. Because obviously.
The decorations are coming together for Vicky’s birthday party. Brother Billy and sister Lisa are in town from Chicago. Briana and her husband Ryan arrive with gifts. Matching guns for Vicki and Briana! Ryan, you’ve been in Oklahoma too long. Vicki is shocked that her boyfriend Steve, a cop, packs heat on their dates. Mmm-hmm. That joke wrote itself.
Elsewhere, Tamra, Shannon, David and Meghan and her mom are going out to dinner with some other friends to celebrate Shannon and Eddie’s birthdays. They order liquid nitrogen alcoholic drinks and food with giant forks. Tamra tells Meghan about Vicki’s call for coffee and that she is struggling with that whole forgiveness thing that she’s supposed to be gung ho about. Meghan tells Tamra she can’t renege on the coffee invite just because her baking skills were insulted. What would Martha Stewart do?
Back at Vicki’s party. RHOC alum Jeana Keogh is there. Peggy, Lydia and Kelly arrive with their significant others. And Kelly wants a gun now, too. If ever there was a case for gun control, it’s Kelly. Turns out, Lydia said yes to Shannon’s dinner invite a month ago, but bailed and came to Vicki’s party instead. Peggy tells Lydia she did wrong and will probably burn in hell. Lydia is like, Whatev.
Gretchen and Lizzie arrive. Gretchen looks exactly same and Slade does too. Lydia says hello to Gretchen and tells her right away that Doug will be getting a vasectomy. Swedish meatballs anyone? Vicki tells Lydia she reached out to Tamra and the two will be meeting for coffee. Lydia says this is her birthday wish for them because she believes in love and unicorns and vasectomies.
Vicki gives a nice toast about how wonderful Steve is and how she loves having her friends and family with her on her birthday. Let’s take a group fireball shot. Yum!
When they sit down, Kelly tells a story of how she met Lizzie back in the day at the gym and the rumor then was, Eddie’s gay.
Gretchen asks Ricky (Tamra’s former friend) to share his two-cents about Eddie’s sexuality and he drops a bomb! Ricky tells the ladies that he walked in on Eddie making out with a man. #NotShockedAtAll. When the women ask him why he didn’t tell Tamra, since they were bff’s at the time, Ricky says he thought Tamra was into this.
Tune in next week for Vicki and Tamra’s dramatic reunion.