RECAP: ‘Little Women LA: Couples Retreat’ Drunk Matt Creates Tension In The Group After Bashing Briana!

Posted on Aug 10 2017 - 1:16pm by Dani-K

OMG! Wednesday’s episode of Little Women Couple’s Retreat was a-mazing! At first I was still mourning the loss of drunk Lila, but the shit hits the fan from the word go. We begin with a sunny morning in Puerto Rico, but this is the calm before the storm. The gang meets for breakfast and the mood is good. However, the birds are the omen. They bring the bad mojo as they try to steal the food. Briana and Matt drag themselves to breakfast.

Matt look like crap, and in Briana’s testimonial, she tells us that sometimes Matt likes to drink his breakfast. Matt orders a Bloody Mary and the trouble begins when Briana shushes him. He rambles on about Briana “having ideas” and “talking shit.” Briana apologizes, but it’s gone on so long, the entire gang is now watching. Jazmine tells Matt this isn’t necessary this early in the morning. She’s right. Save that argument for 5:00pm like a civilized douche bag.



But this only ticks Matt off more and he calls Briana crazy, rude, and says he’s done while she continues to apologize. Then my hero, Jordan, who is Amanda’s boyfriend, tells Matt, “Chill out bro. Damn, you’re just talking to her like she’s a piece of shit or something, bro.” And Matt responds, “Do you really want to go there with me?”

YES WE DO! Jordan says he’s done talking, and Matt says that’s all he does. Uh-oh! Don’t talk to her man like that. Amanda joins in and soon, so does everyone else. It’s more beautiful than Caribbean waters. Jordan gets the final word and tells Matt to quit disrespecting his girlfriend. Matt thinks this is a case of mob mentality, blames Briana for it, and says he’ll be waiting at home with their kid, until she gets home, then he’s leaving forever because he doesn’t want to see her ever again. Yay! Loser’s leaving!

The guru’s real name is Hasani. Hasani comes out to the patio and asks everyone how they’re doing, but it’s met with stone cold silence. Tonya speaks up and says the heifer couple is having their differences and making everyone uncomfortable. Everyone, but Matt and Briana, is sticking up for Briana. Hasani tells Briana and Matt they must be receptive to what the others are saying. This guy is too nice. These people need a guru with a military background. Hasani tells the group they will spend the day deep sea diving and then doing tantric yoga. Before dismissing everyone, Hasani asks Briana and Matt to meet with him after the boat ride. Briana says okay and Matt says meh. When the others leave, Matt tells Briana he’s not going on the boat so kiss his ass. You can literally see Matt’s temperature boil. Matt tells Briana to do whatever she wants, he doesn’t care. But did he ever?



Back at the villa, Briana and Matt bail on the boating excursion. Briana wakes up Matt because it’s time to talk with Hasani, but Matt is four sheets to the wind. He tries to tell Briana he didn’t mean to “induce” all that at breakfast and then takes his fingers and pokes Briana’s “boobies” because he’s five years old. There is no way this guy can walk to the guru’s office, Matt can barely hold up his head. And Briana doesn’t really want to talk about it. She tells him it’s okay. But then Matt tells Briana she should have stood up for him more. Please Briana, punch this guy in the throat, maybe that way he can keep his eyes open while he’s blaming you for everything. Matt wants love. Matt wants respect. Matt wants permission to check Jordan for speaking to him that way and defending the honor of his woman. Briana says it’s okay if he uses his words, but not his fists, because again, Matt is five years old. But get this, Briana then blames everyone else for escalating their fight. Can these two take responsibility for anything?

Meanwhile, on the boat everyone is excited after a healthy, bonding bitch-session about Matt and Briana. Time to swim with the fish, even if they can’t swim. The fish are beautiful, the day is beautiful, and afterwards everyone feels like they’ve just climbed Mount Everest. Todd especially is choked up and wants to learn how to swim when he gets back. The gang throws a few last digs at Matt and Briana and head back to land.

Brace yourselves for this next part. The horror movie turns from The Birds to The Blob. During the therapy session, it takes Hasani all of five seconds to pick up on the fact that Matt is trashed. And Matt lies. He tells Hasani he told Briana he needs to learn when to stop talking. (Maybe Lifetime didn’t show this?) Matt also throws in that Briana could have protected him more. (Protect him from himself?) Briana quickly goes into protect mode and tells Hasani they have passion. Hasani asks, Why are you two here? (For a paycheck?) Briana says: trust issues. Matt says: poor choices. Hasani presses and Matt says he wants attention from women, and if Briana won’t give it to him, he’ll get it elsewhere. (Because he’s five years-old?)

So Matt tells the guru about Alaska and this other woman that “kissed him a couple of times.” After hearing this, Hasani is like, Dude, that’s a big deal. Matt starts crying and Briana loves it. She wipes his tears and tells him everything’s okay. Look, if Lila had to leave because of her drinking, then this shmuck should leave too. Hasani tells Briana she is allowing Matt to treat her this way and deep down feels like she deserves it. Plus, the cheating and manipulation will continue. Duh.

Up next we get to talk about someone else. Yay! Jazmine and David discuss having children. Here’s the thing, I can see both of their points of view. He’s worried about the baby being double-dominant and about finances. David tries to say what’s really going on, but bless his heart, he can’t. Let me. It seems this pressure is giving David a limp willy. He is trying to educate himself on the possibilities of having children, but wants Jazmine to back off and quit pouting. That doesn’t help limp willy either.

Time to connect as couples! Let me spare you this entire scene. No one but a twig can do these moves. The goal is to raise their sexual energy up to the sky, raising the lib-I-do (which I thought was pronounced lib-e-do). Anyway, this is like watching a vajayjay tightening. Finally it’s over, but it did seem to be a very bonding experience for the couples that showed up.

The day is coming to act loose, and Amanda and Jordan are ready to get freaky by the fire. These two are so cute together. They talk about Matt and Briana and what the hell is wrong with Briana. The world may never know. The rest of the crew shows up to hang out. As they roast marshmallows, Briana and Matt show up. Why? It’s obvious Matt has continued to drink. He’s already talking smack about ripping Jordan’s ass in half and running him out as he and Briana sit in the lounge chair by the fire.

Being the cool guy that he is, Jordan offers Matt and Briana sticks of marshmallows – and unfortunately doesn’t stick it up Matt’s ass. What’s really disturbing, you can see Matt’s bad behavior is a real turn-on for Briana by the way she smirks.  Christy goes over to Briana and asks it they can talk. Briana says no. Matt’s passed out so Christy tells Briana she protects him too much. Matt wakes up and tells Christy to eff off and a few other insults about her botched neck surgery.

Tonya explains to Christy that although you can drag a heifer to the water, you can’t make a heifer drink the water when that heifer is too busy drinking the Kool-Aid. Matt starts up again and Kerwin shuts him down – for a moment. Briana tells Tonya she is at the couples retreat for her and Matt. Oh yeah? Then why ain’t you going to any of the activities? Boom! Do your thang, TonyaMatt calls everyone “muthafuckas” and it’s go time. Chris gets up and tells him, Don’t you be calling me that word, bro. They are soon in each other’s faces. My money’s on Chris because he’s not a stumbling drunk. Kerwin tries to break it up, but Chris takes off his shirt and circles Matt like he’s Julio Chavez preparing for a beat down. Here we go.

Ugh! Then we see the three worst words in reality television: To Be Continued.

 

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  • MsM

    DAMN!! I can’t wait to watch this tonight! Thank God for DVR!!!

    • chacha1

      you will not believe it !!!…… what I wouldn’t give to spit in both of their faces but my spit is too good for them …. it is the same old shit different episode

      • MsM

        Save your saliva woman, they’re not worth wasting spit on!!

        • chacha1

          you are right they are not worth it …….

    • Dani-K

      And then you must come back and give your professional opinion. Remember when you used to tell me that Briana was sicker then Matt, and I was like, it’s a tie. But when you see the scene by the fire pit and how much Briana is enjoying Matt’s disgusting, drunken temper-tantrum, I was like, OMG, MsM was right!

      • MsM

        😉 I’m watching even as I type!

      • SMDRN66

        Briana is co-dependent. She does have a lot of issues. Her family was controlling because they had to be. Briana obviously makes a lot of poor choices. Mutt was just another in a long string of poor choices. Briana doesn’t like nor is used to being alone. If Mutt leaves her, she’ll have to go back to her family. She can’t take care of her daughter by herself, let alone her daughter and son together. In some weird way, I do believe that Mutt loves her. Too bad he loves himself more. So with the co-dependent thing…they both love Mutt.

        • MsM

          This is one time I’m not going to agree with you SMDRN66. 😉 I think BO is perfectly in control of her behaviors – she knows exactly what she’s doing. She plays the victim and acts all helpless because it helps her get her way. The signs of co-dependency that she displays are carefully cultivated for manipulative use. I believe her family was ‘controlling’, as BO states it, because they called her on her shit and wouldn’t let her manipulate them anymore, they may not have known exactly what is wrong with the woman but they knew SOMETHING was out of whack enough to step back and tell her to cut it the hell out, get rid of Mutt or they were out and, in turn, because she LOVES manipulating Mutt, she cut them out. She doesn’t NEED them, she’s perfectly functionable all on her own, in spite of her size. She lived alone with Leianna for quite a while before she moved Mutthead in. Is she physically capable of caring for both kids on her own? Probably not but she’d manipulate somebody into helping her when she finally kicks Mutt to the curb – and that day will come, sooner or later. She’s going to get tire of manipulating his useless cheating a$$ and she’ll trade him in for another schmuck she met online…what’s that PT Barnum line? “There’s a sucker born every minute”?

  • Rochelle Huffman Barozzi

    Alright Dani, I told you I would watch and I did. LOL! Man, I wanted to see Matt be beat down but it would make those young men as bad. But I like they stood up for their women. I agree with Tonya, Brianna digs everything that he does to her. When they are alone she gets as bad and down and dirty with her mouth just like Matt. But in public she plays poor me. They have ALL got to stop playing poor me. Let Brianna lay in the bed she made, she obviously wants to be there. Gawd, they are lower than Kim Z and y’all know how much a absolutely detest that thing! LOL. Great recap!

    • chacha1

      ITA Mutt and BO make me as sick as the Pig in the Wig

      • Rochelle Huffman Barozzi

        OMG me too…

    • Dani-K

      Yay Ro! Of course, now you have to tune in one more time to see how this ends with Matt – will he/won’t he get that beat down. One thing I noticed, of course this could be editing, but I didn’t see Briana or Matt in next week’s preview for their group exercise. If they aren’t going to participate, go home.

      • Rochelle Huffman Barozzi

        Oh I will! LOL

  • chacha1

    “limp willy” LMAO that just made my day reading that ….. but seriously I cannot take another dwarf who has a 90% chance of having a DD baby who will suffer and die ….. I have had it with these idiots and the chances they take, go and adopt a baby and give that child a wonderful life if you so badly want to be parents ….

  • chacha1

    Ground Hog Day again with this disgusting slug Briana and that disgusting pervert drunk asshole Mutt …. ENOUGH Lifetime !!, fire these two disgusting pigs they are lower than whale shit .. scum sucking abusive greasy smelly slugs … and Christy mind your own business, Briana and Mutt are not your friends and never will be … you are dead to them, Briana’s words ….

  • Maren

    Please please PLEASE let Chris beat the crap out of that disgusting excuse of a human.

    • Dani-K

      Maybe it will knock some sense into Matt (probably not) but I’m sure security will get called or Jordan will break it up, but one can dream.

      • chacha1

        Jordan was handling that prick real good and then Twerking Twin had to start shouting and swearing and then Christy who never minds her own business had to jump up ….. ignoring those two dirtbags BO and Mutt would have been the best option while Jordan was doing just fine with putting Mutt in his place…
        I hope next week Chris beats his drunk smelly ass into the ground and throws him out to sea …

        • SMDRN66

          I only wish Christy would take Todd’s advice and back off. I do think Christy really still cares about Briana and hasn’t given up on trying to help her. Just like Christy had to come to terms with her alcoholism, it will only be when Briana is ready to deal with her own addiction…Mutt. I also hope Christy realizes that Briana doesn’t deserve her friendship anymore.

          • chacha1

            Christy is a fence jumper, she despised Briana when she was Terra’s new BFF … then when Terra threw the cup at her head then she went groveling to Briana …. Briana told her in the park on one episode “you are dead to me”

  • chacha1

    Great re-cap Dani K wish more people watched this train wreck

    • Dani-K

      There you are Chacha! Missed you last week. Thanks

      • chacha1

        I was here .. I always comment on LWLA and 90 Day …. I do not watch RHONY OR RHOC so I do not comment on those threads

        • Dani-K

          Okay, I’ve been writing so many lately, I guess I just missed you.

          • chacha1

            🙂

  • JohnDoe1234

    I’m thankful for this recap because for some reason there was no audio for the first 15 or last 15 minutes when I watched the episode. I blame Spectrum; ever since switching from Time Warner, I’ve had tons of problems with my cable. (And while I think Time Warner sucked too; it appears Spectrum is worse).

    Anyway the only parts I saw with sound were Briana and Matt’s one on one counseling session (gag) and the swimming off the boat part.

    Props to Todd for going swimming with a flotation device, even though he doesn’t know how to swim. What was up with those red blotches all over his left foot though?

    As for Briana and Matt’s counseling session. Master manipulator Matt cried them big old crocodile tears and told Hasani what he thought Hasani wanted to hear. Hasani wasn’t buying it though, and it was disturbing to see Briana wiping the fake tears off his cheek. She seems to totally get off on his disgusting behavior. She’s just as sick as him in a totally different way.

    Actually, they remind me of lyrics from that old Eurythmics song – “some of them want to use you, some of them want to get used by you, some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused.”

    • chacha1

      I am thinking you can YouTube this episode or google Lifetime TV Shows website and watch it…. another site had the whole clip of those two slugs eating breakfast and Mutt telling lame brain BO that he was totally done with her …. and she is just saying “oh I am sorry” blah blah blah ….. Maybe Dani K can post that clip here so you can watch it. They both should be fired

      • JohnDoe1234

        That’s a good suggestion, thanks.

    • Dani-K

      Hi John Doe! Thanks for reading. I think you can watch it on LIfetime the following day, but not when it airs. You really need to see the beginning to see how whack it was that people were sticking up for Briana and then she flipped it and blamed them for escalating the fight. Really messed up.

  • Lisa Wildenberg

    Briana has to be the dumbest woman on earth! Love yourself and leave that douchebag Matt! Wish one of the guys would have whooped his ass! Sure it would have not been hard to do as drunk as he has been th entire trip!

    • SMDRN66

      And that is the whole problem….Briana doesn’t love herself enough to believe she deserves so much better than Mutt.

      • Juliana

        What we were watching was the typical relationship of a alcoholic and their co-dependent enabler. This IS their relationship and always will be until the sh*t hits the fan in what will probably be a violent situation….

        • SMDRN66

          I just hope it doesn’t involve her daughter and her son. One thing I found really telling was back when Briana and Jazmine went to Seattle to see Matt. Every time Matt put her arm around his son, his son’s shoulder would come up as if he was repulsed by his father’s touch. But you’re right. It’s going to take a violent situation, or more, for Briana to finally get out of that toxic relationship.

          • Juliana

            Yes I do remember that scene in Seattle. It’s no wonder he left town to move to LA, he wore out his welcome in his own life. I wonder what the status is of that father/son relationship is now. I too hope none of the children get hurt as a result of what will envitably happen in the end.

            She’s holding on for dear life and loves having the upper hand to his alcoholic downfall. It’s really very typical in these relationships, heck, there’s even a book that’s been written about how it will end, it’s called the Big Book from AA, written by recovering alcoholic’s. Maybe someone should give both of them a copy of it!!

    • Rochelle Huffman Barozzi

      Bri is just like Matt. She LOVES egging him on, so she can play victim.

      • chacha1

        and she has admitted to having great make-up sex with him .. they are nothing but dumpster trash

  • MsM

    First off, Christy’s hat during the yoga session was perfect. Little people are not built for yoga – any yoga. That instructor was out of her mind. Jordan could have seriously hurt his Tiny Twin with that standing up back to back exercise. At least Jaz and her husband are close to the same size. Christy and Todd and Tonya and Kerwin made the most of the totally weird situation. But any of them could have been seriously hurt doing what they were doing, esp if they have any neck or back issues which we know several of them do.

    SOOOOOO on to the show! Great recap Dani, you captured the batshit insanity quite nicely! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, BO is more messed up than Mutt. Mutt IS f’d in the head but as Tonya so aptly put it – the woman loves his behaviors. She gets off on manipulating the man into a corner so he explodes. He’s your typical interpersonal violence perp but he’s been out controlled and he knows it. Did anybody notice how it’s Brianna that ‘defends’ Mutt’s behaviors after she’s the one who’s instigated them in the first place? That tells you who is in charge of the relationship.

    I know people think Christy was out of line but her heart was coming from the right place. All of them were coming from a good place, even Chris with his gangbanger posturing, and when Matt said that he wasn’t in control of the relationship he meant it because he ISN’T. Like most sociopaths he thought that he was invincible and a master manipulator. What he didn’t count on was another sociopath with greater skills than his. While it would be hysterical to watch Chris whips Mutt’s ass it’s not advisable. Mutt IS big enough that he COULD cause some damage and then there WOULD be a lawsuit and things would get REALLY ugly and that poor ugly baby of theirs has enough strikes against him, he doesn’t need them going broke because they they’re suing Chris for hurting Mutt or Chris is suing them for Mutt hurting him.

    • Dani-K

      And yet Lifetime keeps inviting them back time and time again. I really want them to get rid of Mutt and BO and bring in Mary. Even if she doesn’t have a significant other, it would be fun to watch her date American men. Here’s the thing, have you ever met someone who feels any attention is good attention even if it’s bad attention? That’s Lifetime with their handling of Matt and Briana.

      • MsM

        I think Mary would make an awesome addition to the cast. And I honestly think that Lifetime is keeping Mutt and BO around because they’re a train wreck and train wrecks make for awesome ratings no matter how stomach churning the losers in question are!

    • Juliana

      If I remember correctly Briana was married to a alcoholic the first time around and divorced because of it. So here she is again with another alcoholic and it’s now the typical alcoholic & enabler relationship that she’s so familiar and comfortable with.

      • chacha1

        I didn’t know Leif was an alcoholic, he seemed like a real stand up guy and his priority is his daughter

        • MsM

          Yeah Chach, I don’t recall anything about Leif being a heavy drinker.

      • MsM

        We need to research this…if it was BO’s declaration that Leif was a drunk I wouldn’t put much stock in it. Honestly, I’ve been watching this show since day one and I don’t remember anybody saying Leif was an alcoholic. But then, I AM old (at least according to my children…) There’s a good chance I could have missed it somewhere along the line!!

    • chacha1

      Hi MsM and ALL …. Christy is a fence jumper, she despised Briana when she was Terra’s new BFF … then when Terra threw the cup at her head then she went groveling to Briana …. Briana told her in the park on one episode “you are dead to me”
      Christy also told her parents to move out of her house at the same time she was crying that her father was dying of cancer and she should be forgiven for her bad behavior …… Christy also lies like Briana does ……
      I just cannot warm up to Christy since the first season when she was asking the other girls how big their boyfriends/husbands peens were …. I have girlfriends who are like sisters for over 50 years and we never talk like that

      • MsM

        Sadly, I have friends I’ve known for close the same amount of time and we DO talk like that. I think it’s often regional, cultural and societal. But I agree, Christy does jump the fence – she’s also a drama queen. But, I still think her heart is often in the right place, it’s her execution that’s wretchedly horrid.

  • Greenegirl

    I was internally yelling when Matt told Hasani his absolute lie of a version of what happened at breakfast and in Alaska and Briana just nodded and agreed with him. I hope the producers filled him in on what actually happened. Though he was clearly still drunk, he was able to lie so easily and smoothly to diminish his responsibility in the fight.

    Oh, and that look he gave Briana when they were fighting was pure hatred and disgust.

    I felt like for the first time viewers got an unfiltered opportunity to see a Matt/Briana fight. Not the aftermath of a fight, or a discussion of one of their fights, but to see Matt and Briana in their natural state. The only thing missing was a Sir Richard Attenborough narration.

    • chacha1

      ITA I saw the hate in his face and heard it in his voice …. he is only staying with her for the money right now, he does not like that baby either …… and she deserves every bit of grief that he dishes out to her … she makes me sick…. she is also very sneaky, a big liar, and is as mean as hell

      • Greenegirl

        There is something not right about Briana. What person would laughingly tell their partner to be verbally abusive towards them.

        • Mar

          I believe they are faking it for a story line.

        • chacha1

          that is what gets her off and she brags about their make up sex ….. that is how sick and disgusting she is

      • Authentic

        Hi Chacha..are Brianna’s parents still involved in her life? I remember them despising Matt immediately. And does Brianna still have her oldest daughter? The whole cast became disgusting to watch but I love the recaps!

        • chacha1

          Mutt will not allow her to have any contact with her father or sister, he even changed their phone number and moved and would not tell Christy because Christy was in touch with her parents and sister. As for Leiana I think the father has joint custody … if not he is going for full custody and should, last time they filmed Briana and Leif, Briana had bruises all around her neck, and Leif was upset that Briana let Mutt take her daughter to the Daddy Daughter dance instead of him. When Mutt found out that Leif was upset he said “awwww did I hurt his feelings” what is very telling about Leiana is she left for the dance with Mutt all happy and returned very sad and very withdrawn.. I think this episode is the Brianna Matt Special Ride or Die Part 2 ….. you will see what I mean

          • Authentic

            Ok, thx for the updates. I hope Matt didn’t do or say anything inappropriate to that little girl!
            Brianna was so different 1st season, always supporting her daughter as a LP. She sounds like a bitch now!!

          • chacha1

            I thought he did something to that little girl and I hope you can find that episode you will see what I mean …. and you will also see the neck bruises

    • Dani-K

      I agree too that their natural state is one of massive disdain for each other. And the couple that needs the most help aren’t even attending the exercises. Matt should be told if he can’t refrain from drinking, he needs to leave, but it probably won’t happen. And there have been petitions to get Matt and Briana axed from the show, but Lifetime is obviously putting profit and ratings above all else.

  • Von Roquet

    Did you see their relationship painting? It was in the chest poking segment on the coffee table. It was in pieces and in a little shredded and smashed pile. I wonder what fight led to the destruction of this thing meant to symbolize their relationship. They aren’t participating in anything and destroying the things they have done. I hope they’re sent home. Everyone else is investing themselves.

  • Dr. Farley

    These are VERY high stakes here. Briana And Matt Are Doing Everything They Can To Keep A Good Dramatic Storyline Going. I Can Picture Them Talking About Dramatic Drama They Can Pull For Ratings For The Show. They Know Exactly What They Are Doing And It Works Great. We Watch, We Tune In, We can’t Turn Away from This Train Wreck. This Is A Highly Rated Show in A Cut-throat Industry And Matt And Briana know How To Play Us For the Ratings And For Their Paycheck. This is all staged on their part and they are very very good at it. We would all do the same if this TV Show was our only source of income. They probably see her parents And Tell Them this is just for TV ratings and money. Matt Brianna and Brianna’s family are probably laughing all the way to the bank. Wake-up suckers. There is a sucker born every minute and y’all are suckers!!!!! This Is staged and planned for the cameras And It Works Beautifully!!!!!!! Matt and Brianna are cashing their checks and laughing their asses off at all of us!!!!!!😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

    • chacha1

      Mutt Grundhoffer and BO Briana are not faking it, Lifetime is allowing it …. Mutt is a filthy dirty drunk and that is how we first saw him on the beach when he started flashing his dic pics to Briana …. he was stumbling around ….. the ratings are not high so your information is incorrect …… I will start watching LWLA next season only if BO Briana and Mutt are gone for good ….. they belong in a dumpster ……