RECAP: ‘Little Women LA: Couples Retreat’ Blowout Fight In Paradise On Premiere Episode!

Posted on Jul 27 2017 - 12:02pm by Dani-K

On TLC’s spin-off Little Women: LA: Couples Retreat — Tonya, Briana, Christy, the Tiny Twins, Lila, and Jazmin head to the tropics with their significant others to work on their relationships. The couples participate in adventurous excursions that push them out of their comfort zones and force them to face their issues head on.  

Here’s the backstory on Couples Retreat, Tonya reached out to a relationship “guru,” named Hasani Pettiford but we’ll just call him Guruvy because he is. Tonya heard about his healing powers from a hack named Terra trusted close friend and wanted to set something up to help other little couples who are struggling. Along for the ride (or die) are Briana and Matt, also from LA; the tiny twins Amanda and Andrea, and their boyfriends from Atlanta; Jazmin and her husband David from NYC; and Christy and Todd also from LA. It’s when latecomers Christy and Todd arrive that we see Lila and a very large mop named Brian, both from NYC, are the uninvited guests.

Tonya is pissed because she can’t stand Lila. And wait until she hears not only have Lila and Mophead broken up, they’ve only known each other for six months. Heifer’s gonna loose it!

The little couples go check out their digs in the colorful villas. Not a bad place to park it for two weeks, but is that enough time for these loons to repair their relationships? Probably not, but like Kerwin says, if you can’t leave with more love than when you came, man you got problems. And these couples do.

Starting with Lila and Brian. Brian is a stand-up comedian who travels all the time. I’m sure Lila is an endless source of material for him. In their villa, Lila asks Brian, while playing with a condom packet, if he’s been with anyone since they broke up. Here’s Brian response, “Ummmmmm, maybe?” Typically comedians are quick with a comeback, but not Brian. Here’s the crazy thing about this couple, Brian likes to drink and Lila, a recovering alcoholic, has decided she can now handle having “just one” cocktail. Trouble is brewing!

Amanda and Jordan are the cutest couple of this motley crew. They have fun with the gift basket like it’s Christmas. Amanda and Jordan met two years ago at da club and have been together ever since. Amanda is ready to get married and start popping dem babies out, but Jordan thinks they need to work on a few things first. Like the fact that he doesn’t want to get married or have babies.

Twin sister Andrea and her boyfriend Chris are sassy. Each thinks the other is to blame and needs to change. They’ve been knowing each other for seven years, have two kids and fight like a couple of kids. The reason Chris continually walks out on Andrea and the kids is because he doesn’t want to make things worse. Dude, help a mom out. When you leave at least take one kid with you.

Jazmin and David have been in a slump and feel this retreat is all they need to get back on track. They’ve been married for five years and together for 10. So far they seem to be the kindest and calmest of the couples, but their passion has waned. Such is life. But they are looking forward to the fiesta dinner so they can eat, which they both still love to do, so at least they’ve got that going for them.

We all know about the dysfunction of Matt and Briana. He likes to send dick pics to random women and she likes to punish him until the day he dies. Matt and Briana have been married for two years and have a baby together. Recently, Matt was caught cheating with a bartender in Alaska so their current status is: working on it, but Matt says they truly love abusing each other.

It’s fiesta time! Brian, who didn’t rake his hair, plans to drink his dinner tonight. Lila joins him with a glass of merlot – because it’s good for her! Don’t judge. This is clearly a healthy heart decision. But Christy is shocked. She knows Lila can’t handle her alcohol.

Guruvy tells the group that tomorrow will be their first big activity that will test their ability to work together as couples. This has epic fail written all over it. Since it’s starting to rain, Tonya and Kerwin invite the couples back to their villa for a group toast. Everyone except Lila. Here’s the thing, Tonya doesn’t like a sober Lila, let alone drunk Lila. Tonya decides to have the why’d-you-bring-that-heifer-here talk with Christy who is still struggling with her vocals. Tonya explains this retreat can’t help Lila. She needs serious help and no one is qualified in psycho-trippin-ology. They have goals to achieve. Christy says she has a big mouth heart, but Tonya calls her disrespectful. Christy knew this would put a damper on things. Christy says she’ll have a talk with Lila.

The following morning on the beach it’s time for the first task. The couples will build a raft, then row it out to the buoy, then bring it back and run to the finish line. Guruvy says it takes teamwork to make the dreamwork. Thank you, wise one. And they’re off! There are no instructions, but the couples need to tie a piece of plywood to an inner tube with rope and PVC. Nobody is communicating, some are fighting, and some are just letting one person take over. Once in a while Guruvy will say, That’s not right, but that’s all the guidance they get from their guide. First up with completed rafts are Christy and Todd and Andrea and Chris. Todd repeatedly calls out to Christy in the water, “Honey be careful” and Christy repeatedly falls. The winners are Chris and Andrea! What do they get? Nothing! Not even a trip to the spa. Guruvy tells the group to have fun and relax on the beach – except for Amanda and Jordan. Ruh-roh!

Guruvy sits them down and wants to know why Amanda doesn’t speak up (like her sister) and speak her mind. This acknowledgement causes Amanda to cry. There are two reasons Amanda holds back 1) she doesn’t want to look stupid and 2) she doesn’t want to hurt or make others mad. Guruvy tells Jordan he must to create a safe environment so Amanda can look stupid and make him mad. Good session. Thanks Guruvy!

Onto dinner where Tonya invites everyone except Lila and Mop. Lila is drinking a strawberry daiquiri, but not slurring her words, though she is getting loud. When Jazmin goes to the other side of the restaurant to say hi to Lila and asks her to join them, Lila explains that it’s cold over there. Brr. Jazmin tells Lila that her showing up was a surprise for Tonya. Lila says three times, “DOES SHE OWN PUERTO RICO?” Girl, please. It was a set up. We get it. Move on.

Tonya is like, Heifer better watch her attitude, so Christy goes over to have that talk with Lila. Tonya hovers nearby with crossed arms, waiting to pounce. When Christy asks why she’s drinking, Lila calls Christy and Todd food addicts which she thinks is way worse than being a mean drunk. Tonya says, hold on heifer, you need to check yourself into a real rehab. And Lila is on the attack. Lila says to Tonya, “Everyone has a monkey on their ass.” Technically it’s monkey on their back, but if Lila had just stopped there, it wouldn’t have been so bad. Lila then says to Tonya, “Everyone’s a monkey ass, including you.”   

Tonya is ready to cut a bitch and after Lila calls her an “old-ass hag.” Tonya tells Lila to take her money ass home or a smack down is coming her way. Lila says, “Do it” and Tonya does it. She pushes her chair and Lila goes to the ground with a thud.

Let the healing begin!

Tune in next week for more idiot blunders in paradise on Little Women Couples Retreat. For now, what did you think of the first episode? Who needs the most help? Who needs the least? Sound off below.

 

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About the Author

I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run. For more information, please visit me at: Twitter* * Website* * Facebook*

  • Christine

    Brian totally made me think of Wield Al Yankovic from the 80s/90s

    • Juliana

      Someone needs to drive a lawnmower across his head!

  • RealitytvJunkie

    Great recap Dani-K. I love the Tiny twins! I’m just glad Tera’s not on the couples retreat. I need a break from that bish. Not sorry either, she’s a bully and has to be center of attention all the time, can’t stand her. I seriously can’t stand briana and Matt. He’s so abusive and just wants to be on tv, and you keep letting him.

    • chacha1

      One of those twerking tiny twins has these babies with this loser gang banger and then ships them off to Dallas to let her parents raise them …….. because the little girl is probably still on a breathing/feeding tube could be why her parents are making her move to Dallas to help care for that baby, her young son lives with them full time …. they are disgusting little leeches on society you know the parents are getting a nice little check from the taxpayers for foster care

    • Dani-K

      Thanks Reality! Yes it’s great to have a break from Terra, but I’m sure she has a hand in this show. And though I do think Briana and Mutt need lots of help, they aren’t going to get it from this show. Like you said, he wants to be on TV and they need the money. That is reason # 1 and 2 they are on the show.

      • Juliana

        Terra was listed in the credits as Executive Producer..so yeah she has her hands in this too….

  • Chi Town Baby

    Great show so far. I like that Lila is getting under Boss Bitch’s skin. Tonya is vile. I cracked up when Lila told Christy she’s a foodie that guzzles milkshakes. Lol! Of course Matt and Chris would go to the couples retreat. Not to fix their relationships but for a free trip to Puerto Rico. I can’t stand those two.I hope Jordan proposes to Amanda.

  • Rochelle Huffman Barozzi

    Tonya looks like she is going to start laughing hard in those pics. This whole this is a scripted mess. None of them can read the cue cards (in their interviews) and are bad actors. But yes….I will watch LOL!!!

    • the underground train

      Same

    • Chi Town Baby

      I don’t think its all scripted. Tonya was genuinely pissed off and angry.

  • the underground train

    “Dude help a mom out. When you leave at least take one kid with you.” Ok that was funny. I like Amanda and Jordan on Atlanta. They seem like they wouldn’t need couples counseling. Does Lila’s man go by Mop Head or is that a name made up here?

    • Dani-K

      So I made up Mophead, Mop, for short. And I like Amanda and Jordan a lot too. It might me a twin thing that she came. You know, because her sister and her man need the help.

  • chacha1

    Great recap:

    This is a bunch of bullchit since they cannot just bring an uninvited guest to the retreat, hotel and airline arrangements have to be made in advance unless Lila and Christy were going to share a bed. And Lila’s boyfriend made me want to jump in the shower, what a dirty messy ugly dude he is, did any one see the fleas jumping off his head onto his shirt?
    They showed Tonya calling Lila a monkeys ass so it proves that Tonya can dish it out and can’t take it …..
    Briana BO and Mutt giving each other the look of love and then laughing about how they are “the Ride or Die Crazy” couple. They are Crazy and disgusting two bottom feeding scum suckers …..

    • Chi Town Baby

      Lol, I agree with all of this. That’s right Chacha. We all know the producers brought Lila on the show not Christy. And they brought her on to go after monkey ass.

      • chacha1

        I wonder if that other violent crazy bitch Terra is a producer of this show

        • Chi Town Baby

          Hmmm, that would not surprise me.

        • SMDRN66

          I DVR’d it. I’ll have to watch the credits closer when I get home. Maybe Tonya EP’d this one. We all know that production is never surprised about who is showing up to film. But we do know that the cast always isn’t in on it. Tonya may not have been told they cast Lila for some drunken dwarf drama and a dwarf barroom brawl.

          • MsM

            Dwarf barroom brawl. llol

          • Juliana

            Terra was in the credits as executive producer…

        • MsM

          She is, don’t know if it’s listed in the credits or not but I have a friend still in the business that confirmed Terra is most definitely the driving force behind this entire franchise.

          • Juliana

            She was in the credits as executive producer..

          • MsM

            Yep. Knew my bud wouldn’t lie to me! 😉 Guy’s been with his agency for years, if somebody is in charge of a show somewhere he’ll know! 🙂

    • Dani-K

      I was hoping you’d tune in Chacha. What a mess this show is right? But did you see the clip at the end where Mutt and Chris have a go at it. This show could get interesting!

  • Hotitoti

    When is this on?

    • Dani-K

      Wednesday night on Lifetime

  • chacha1

    I have never seen such a group of angry people in my life, when they are mad they throw things that could result in serious injury….. BO Briana is also married to a violent man who is nothing but dumpster trash, they laugh about their problems which is very serious by saying they are “Ride or Die Crazy” only they know how crazy it is behind the scenes but what we have witnessed BO Briana loves the make-up sex and thrives on the abuse …. I believe she is also violent and not a victim at all but a participant in their disgusting perverted life

    • RealitytvJunkie

      “BO Briana” is hilarious! She is definitely not a total victim and maybe a sex addict. I can’t imagine the smell.

      • Karen Vincent

        They say love is blind – maybe it can’t smell, either.

        • chacha1

          LOL

      • chacha1

        Mutt also has to have some real bad funk going on between his legs, feet, hair and armpits so I am sure that is why he doesn’t notice …..

  • MsM

    Awesome recap Dani-K! As always of course. Chach has a valid point, these people are ALL intensely angry. Well, maybe not Lila’s fake bf, I think he’s just happy there’s free booze. And man, can you ever tell that Terra is the executive producer for this one. There’s no way this combo of people came together by accident. Not to mention, it’s highly unlikely that this was Tonya’s idea – and it’s even more unlikely that Christy would have invited Lilia without some forewarning, especially knowing what a fiasco it was for her to be around the others on their show during her last stint on there. Then there’s the falling off the wagon…this is somebody who’s never been ON the wagon, that is now blatantly obvious. I don’t know what she was doing before to convince others that she was sober but the facade is dropped now.

    It’s only been one episode so I can’t say much about the therapy…I’ve seen that intervention activity before and it does work pretty well. Although, Chris and dippytwin won for the wrong reasons. It had nothing to do with teamwork and everything to do with him bossing her around in order to win and the therapist (whose name escapes me at the moment) should have called him on it in front of everybody so, strike one against said therapist.

    • chacha1

      MsM I watched an old episode that I saved on my DVR, it was the Ride or Die part 2 where Briana is talking with her ex Leif while pervert is off to a Daddy Daughter Dance with Leif’s daughter. Leif was upset and when BO told Mutt that Leif was upset that he took HIS daughter, Mutt said “awww did I hurt his feelings? while smirking. I would have slapped the greasy assholes face had I been Leif and I hope he gets custody of his little girl. It is also the episode where it clearly shows bruise marks on BO’s face. If you can On Demand this episode you will see what I mean …

      • MsM

        I remember that one. Those two are a recipe for disaster all the way around!

    • Maggie

      And the whole activity was strange, too. Was there no “correct” way to set up the raft? Did they just have to attach them together in any way, shape or form?

      • MsM

        There’s actually a ‘correct’ way to build the raft – the point was to build a solid foundation to sit on without the whole thing falling apart. If I remember correctly Christy and Todd had their s assembled the closest to how it was supposed to be done but she wasn’t exactly the best person to send out to row. The whole point of the intervention is to work together as a team to build a good foundation upon which to work. “Normal” people usually respond well – sadly none of these people are normal so it was pretty much a shit show start to finish!

  • Heinrich

    Tonya is way better leader then Terror, and i’m glad that there is FINALLY a Little Women show without Terror (Terra) involved, because “Terror” always causes trouble. but i still feel like Christy should of never invited Lila and her ugly ass boyfriend to Puerto Rico.

  • Heinrich

    Tonya is way better leader then Terror, and i’m glad that there is FINALLY a Little Women show without Terror (Terra) involved, because “Terror” always causes trouble. but i still feel like Christy should of never invited Lila and her ugly ass ex-boyfriend to the couples retreat.

    • chacha1

      I believe Lila was in on the initial invite, in the beginning of the show, Tonya says “I invited 6 couples”, so if Lila was not invtited byTonya, who was the couple that did not show up?

      • MsM

        Good catch Chach! I noticed that as well. I’m pretty sure they put Tonya at the forefront of this one because Terra and Joe supposedly don’t have any issues. And you know, Lila seemed awful wasted and defensive for only having one glass of wine…

        • JohnDoe1234

          Yeah I noticed that Lilah seemingly only had one glass of wine but was acting pretty aggressive.

          I was wondering if Lilah drank more off camera, cuz I believe both Christy and Jazmin accused her of being drunk.

          Or if it was all a fake storyline.

          • MsM

            It could have been faked but I don’t think Lilah is that good of an actress. She had all the markers of being a meanass drunk.

    • Maggie

      Agreed! Terra has to amen everything about her. This episode was great without her

      • Sharon Blumstein

        I agree Terra brings down the whole show. She is a know it all who knows nothing and cries when she Can’t get her way.

    • JohnDoe1234

      The break from Terra is awesome! Ironically she and Joe’s marriage doesn’t seem that good and could use major work. From what I can tell, Joe’s an alcoholic and afraid of Terra, and Terra is (at the very least) verbally abusive to him

  • chacha1

    Did anyone notice Mutt getting into the tram to get to his villa, he was wearing shorts, black socks and grey leather jazz shoes from the 80’s…. what a chooch this asshole is !!!

  • chacha1

    it just proves that BO and Mutt cannot stand that baby Maverick, why did they leave him again? No amount of retreats and therapy is going to change that junkyard dog Mutt and that skag Briana. They are the biggest moochers for these free trips and leave that baby to crawl on his head. And that other tiny twin is also a disgusting PIG, has two kids, one is so sick she is still on a feeding tube but it is more important to party and take trips, she just keeps having babies with gang banger low life chris and dumps the kids with her parents …..

  • chacha1

    I wonder what Lila loves about that guy, is it his lice filled hair or his frog ass

  • JohnDoe1234

    My first thought was that looked like quite a big/high fall for a little person.

    Then I thought well now Tonya can share something else with Terra – they both can have police reports filed against them.

  • divineyaya

    Sorry but Tonya’s behavior is inexcusable! I don’t care what Lila was saying -you cannot put your hands on someone –

  • RealityLover

    What a nice treat not have to deal with Bully Terra for this show! All of the women got along, none of them fought, except for the blip with Tonya and Lila. Tonya is likes to control everyone in her life, she is so much better without Terra, stirring the pot. And look how Christy and Brianna become friends again without the bully Terra influencing them. No one was trying to start fights and they were having the time of their life. This is what I like when I watch these women, supporting each other and bringing each other up, not down. Get rid of Terra and keep all the other women from the LA season.

  • Notwellbitch

    Mop is a stand up comedian??? aren’t they usually funny and quick? this guy only has two speeds – slow and stop