The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills begins with Erika hitting the set of her new video, “Expensive.” Erika reminds us that her raunchy videos are notoriously offensive — not to mention tired. Mikey screams out a motivational beat during the taping, while Erika and a couple of lookalikes have a naughty pillow fight. Not sure where “expensive” fits into the odd spectacle. The video bleeds cheap, and Erika loves it. Eileen and Rinna make an appearance to fangirl all over the set, and Erika gives them a backstage thrill. Eileen almost hyperventilates with excitement at being one step closer to her dirty girl fantasy.
Over at Dorit’s, PK and Dorit are offering a fun wrap-up of Pantygate. PK agrees with Eileen, admitting that Dorit is a bit of a jabberer, but simultaneously drops a gem about Eileen being a nag on a broomstick. Meanwhile, Erika is heading to Mykonos, Greece — taking her posse and the trashy act overseas.
We take a commercial break, and sit through a Mauricio promo — narrated by Kyle. In case you haven’t heard, Mauricio is a real estate god, and the Umanskys are loaded. Mauricio shows off a mega-million property to Lisa and Ken, a listing sure to haul in a truckload of cash. Kyle reminds us all that money can’t buy you happiness — only Maseratis. Portia is along for the ride, and the five of them harmonize a few “amaaazings” before leaving the sprawling estate, to go to lunch. Lisa loves interacting with Portia, and can’t wait to be Nanny Pinky — a rosy fairy godmother to her dream grandbaby.
We shift out of the light and into the dark, joining Rinna and Eden, as they frighten boutique employees with their high-volume rehash of game night. The duo soon gloms onto Kim Richards, babbling silly analysis about how Kim nailed Rinna for being a raging bitch. Eden somehow manages to elevate herself to a weirdly delusional level of relevance — complaining about Kim vomiting “spitfire fuel,” as if anyone cares what a drop-in nutcase thinks. They shift into chatter about Kyle’s silence during the drama, while Kyle and the gang also discuss the hatred issues between Kim and Rinna.
The second convo is infinitely more pleasant — partially because it’s set against a gorgeous ocean view. Kyle and Lisa agree that Rinna is impulsive and mouthy, and Lisa adds that Kyle and Kim’s biz is their own. Eden and Rinna disagree, as Eden blares out her discontentment with how Kyle received her at game night. Eden WILL KNOW Kyle — whether she likes it or not. They jump back into gossip about Kim next, and a clueless Rinna dubs her “mostly sober.” Eden wants to “help,” announcing her generous intentions to anyone within a mile radius. Eden again drags her sister into the exchange, and shares that she turned her back on her, on the night of her death. Rinna throws out that Kyle, the enabler, is scared that Kim is also on death’s door — putting a rotten cherry on top of a sludge sundae of a discussion. Eden wants to invite Kyle to lunch, obviously to continue her loony investigation.
We next sit through a costume convo with Mikey and Erika — and hear that she is about to puss-pat at a Mykonos gay festival. Thankfully, the scene is short — but the next scene is a parallel jump, with Eden and Rinna, braced to pounce on an unsuspecting Kyle. Eden gawks at Kyle’s mom’s wedding ring, using it as an opening to snoop into her family history. Kyle trepidatiously answers a few personal questions, but seems to smell a rookie buttinski in the mix. Eden asks “Kyle may I,” but doesn’t wait for an answer, before hammering Kyle with questions about her sure-to-be boozy family. Kyle finally shuts her down — not knowing that the same questions directed back at her would trigger a hissy-fit for the record books. Eden, however, has no trouble comparing Kim to her own “sitting in the clouds” sister, noting that her brief time with Kim revealed a heavy, sad spirit. Kyle is peeved — and for good reason.
Rinna appeared unsurprised by Eden’s strategy, and likely enjoyed sitting back and watching the show. Eden bizarrely makes it all about herself — pointing out HER pain at sharing Kim’s airspace for a couple of hours. Eden believes that Kyle is covering for Kim — and it’s her job to step in and make it right. Rinna finally speaks up, claiming that Kim’s occasional appearances make it “awful for everybody.” Kyle just wants everyone to shut up and get lost.
Ken and Lisa, along with and their adopted son Max, are meeting with an adoption lawyer — the same woman who originally facilitated Max’s adoption. She is helping the family investigate the young adult’s birth parents. Lisa retells the story of rescuing Max from foster care, and shares sweet memories of the family’s early days with their new baby boy. Lisa gets emotional at the flashback, and Bravo illustrates with some some precious old photos. They look over his birth parents’ paperwork, which reveals his father as a musician — linking Max’s own musical aptitude. They decide to hunt his birth parents down, and proceed from there.
Kyle is heading to Mykonos to meet Erika, and after she says goodbye to her family, Bravo hops us over to Greece. Mikey tries to get us all amped about the upcoming concert, but the lovely scenery is far more exciting. Erika shows Kyle around, and is happy that someone is there who won’t try to drool all over her all night.
We shift back to California, where Dorit is observing a nanny’s skilled technique for ironing a toddler’s t-shirt. Dorit wants to fix things with Eileen and Rinna, so they make plans to meet up for a girls chat. Back in Greece, Erika and her dancers are practicing on the pool deck. Kyle notes that her life is about her kids, and Erika’s is about jumping around with naked guys. Kyle is forgetting that Erika GAVE UP taking care of her child — and that Kyle is the real winner. The show wraps with Dorit trying to eternally shut up Rinna and Eileen — but alas she fails. Eileen apologizes for being a nag-hag, and Rinna reminds us all that she is always right. The threesome agrees to reset their friendship — but hopefully Dorit will continue to shut down Rinna and Eileen, until the reunion.
Next week, Culture Club and Erika Jayne perform — and it’s time to talk Xanax with our resident addiction counselor. Don’t miss it!