Top of the morning to ya! We rejoin the Ladies of London on their randy Scotland castle weekend in the middle of a negative fight between Juliet and Sophie over being negative. Take a Xanax, Juliet! Caroline S tells Juliet to go get dressed just to shut her up.
The girls go shopping and split into two groups so not to overwhelm the shop-people – or us. Caroline S doesn’t get vintage shopping. If they didn’t want it, why should she? Marissa, Caroline F, and Adela stop for some Italian food and to gossip about Juliet. Adela says Juliet is so quick to attack others because she feels terrible on the inside.
Elsewhere, Juliet, Sophie, Julie, and Caroline S stop for a drink and discuss Juliet going off like a mad woman. But then swerve, Caroline S changes the topic to feeling strangled by Julie. During her explanation, Caroline S is actually showing signs of vulnerability. This move to Dubai must be getting to her.
The ladies head home because tonight is whiskey tasting at the castle. The women are decked out like its formal night on a cruise ship. Good news, the man in the kilt serving the whiskey is wearing knickers, in case you wanted to know. Here’s what the ladies said the whiskey tasted like: gasoline, licking wood, bad breath, cat bottom. Cheers!
Here comes the bagpipe to announce dinner is ready in a cool cave. First course is haggis – sheep’s stomach stuffed with minced internal organs. Yum! Dig in, ladies after you address it properly. Couldn’t understand a word the guy was saying, but he yelled at the Haggis and then stabbed it. This is a type of course that will turn carnivores into vegetarians.
Caroline S apologizes to Marissa for kicking her when she was down the day before. Marissa, through tears, tells Caroline that she isn’t doing well and she’s very tired. Julie and Juliet eavesdrop and whisper their diagnosis that they knew Marissa was masking post-partum depression.
Half of the ladies leave for a cigarette leaving the Americans at the table. Flashbacks are shown of happier times between Marissa and Juliet, and Juliet tells Marissa she will start being there for her more. This makes Marissa cry harder because she’s too weak to fight. Their relationship status just went from: troubled to trying.
The after dinner festivities will be playing the balloon game. What is it? It’s who can pop the balloons the fastest. You place the balloon between two women, front to back, who look like they are humping each other and must thrust one another until the balloon pops. Thankfully the men arrive tomorrow.
The following morning the hungover women meet for breakfast. Marissa is late because she’s crying upstairs. Julie goes to check on her to learn that Marissa wants to go home but can’t because her husband Matt is on his way there. Julie recommends a doctor’s visit when they return to London. Marissa isn’t afraid of the stigma of post-partum depression, she says she’s just afraid of having it. The two go down to breakfast.
The husbands begin to arrive. Cem, Caroline S’s husband, is first to arrive. Then, Gregor, Juliet’s husband and Matt, Marissa’s husband, arrive next. Caroline S explains they are going to do archery and four-wheeling today among the day’s activities so they need to get ready. But first, Marissa must pull Matt aside and tell him how depressed she is. He tells her to stop being Wonder Woman all the time. Marissa needs to sleep well and eat well. Boy George he gets it!
First up for activities is Fletch the Flying Way-too-Low Falcon. Hold on to your drinks as you hit the ground ladies. The guests take turns letting the falcon land on their arm and the falcon falls in love with Caroline F. Next up is archery and four-wheeling. Sophie should join the archery team. Moving on to croquet for some while the others go exploring the bell tower, and Marissa takes a nap. The no rules trip is a blast.
The group discuss how not everyone knew how much Marissa was struggling. Matt says she could have used more support. Marissa says three of them were there for her, but not Caroline S. Sophie and Luke stick up for Caroline, but Marissa won’t let it go and says Caroline S provided zero compassion. Matt explains that Marissa is dealing with sleep deprivation, stress and fear and this has pushed her to a breaking point.
Gregor and Cem are man enough to wear skirts to dinner. When in Scotland, right? Sophie is a knock-out in her dress, but she says the fringe hurts when she walks and whips her. All of the ladies look amazing. Cem gives a speech to welcome everyone to their final dinner party before they leave for Dubai. Caroline S apologizes to Matt for being a royal twat to Marissa but thinks moving to California is absolutely the best idea ever. Run away, just like them!
Sophie dings her wine glass and stands up to announce that the husbands are here, but hers is not. She’s perfectly fine, ignore her tears, and the weekend in Scotland is wonderful. Julie, in a testimonial, says that Sophie’s speech proves that she has crossed over to the dark side, but truly I didn’t see anything devious about it, just a woman grieving for her broken marriage. Then Julie dings her wine glass and stands to announce that she and Caroline are polar opposites, but she has learned to have an opinion and to be a bitch find her voice, just like Caroline S. The others at the table are thinking, are you trying to be insulting?
Caroline S asks her guests to grab their drinks and join her outside. Fireworks explode over the castle and it’s very beautiful, proving that Caroline S is queen bee at throwing parties at castles.
Tune in next week for more bickering with Juliet and Julie.