We join Erika and Mikey on a shopping excursion, as The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills kicks off. Erika fills him in on Pantygate, and Mikey gasps in support. The pair determines that Dorit and PK are really at fault for botching all snatch-flash etiquette. Erika determines that Dorit is mean, judgmental, wrong, and underwear-crazed.
We check in with PK and Dorit, who are busy getting ready for a dinner party, peppering the convo with snark about Erika’s cooch. The couple stops snickering to greet their guests, including Rinna, who arrives as the staff puts the finishing touches on a fancy table. The guests are all just too-too, and the spread upscale, because PK and Dorit wouldn’t have it any other way. Everyone sits down for dinner, and PK shoots Rinna an opener, baiting her to spill some tea. Rinna obliges, and begins spilling about her kiss-up apology to Lisa.
PK shades her comments hard, taking her by surprise. Rinna explains that Lisa didn’t obey her wishes, and it backfired. PK and Hollywood publicist, Elliot Mintz, harmonize their mutual Lisa-love—Elliot providing a flowery chorus as a big finish. Rinna nods, throwing in a few uh huhs, struggling for a comeback. PK nails Rinna for taking forever and a day to curtsy for the queen, but Rinna disagrees. Rinna implies that a certain someone has been blabbing—apparently unacceptable behavior for anyone but herself. Rinna insists that she loves Lisa, but that the pink lady is quite the stubborn one. Rinna labels her past battering of Lisa “unfortunate,” and uses her father’s death as an excuse. PK bosses Rinna into submission, and Rinna finally admits her father’s death had nothing to do with her nasty game. Rinna shares that Eileen has a mighty good excuse too, because her whole family was dropping like flies. Eileen was in pre-reunion survival mode, but PK and Dorit don’t agree with her noble sacrifice for Bravo glory. Rinna is bugged that all of this legit grieving is being analyzed by the annoying rookie and her mouthy sidekick.
We jump to Kyle’s, where we learn that Mauricio and Alexia have been busted for speeding like entitled Americans in Italy. The couple banters about their stressful success, and their need for more blissful together time, before we hop over to Eileen and Vince. We hear that Rinna blabbed to Eileen that Dorit and PK are big meanies—even though Rinna had just shaded Lisa for blabbing to PK. Eileen believes that the couple is trying to rewrite last season history. Vince sarcastically rants about unfair assumptions—like the one claiming that fans love Lisa Vanderpump, and passionately dislike Eileen. Eileen plans to confront Dorit, during a walk on the beach. Vince stays interested for five minutes—a new record.
We join Kyle and Lisa, who are engaged in an icky convo, analyzing each husband’s boink-factor. Lisa snarks her way through the unsavory list of characters, pondering each specimen of man-meat. Tom Girardi is Lisa’s winner, because he has never once demanded an apology, and is as cute as a button. The duo arrives at a plastic surgeon’s office, where Kyle is undergoing another battle against the sag. The duo gets their top layer of skin burned off, and ponder the idea of doing the same to their lady bits.
We next get our first looksie at part-timer, Eden Sassoon, as Rinna and Erika join her at her Pilates studio. The gals go thru the class, and afterwards, as the ladies stroll through the strip mall, they pass the spot where Harry met Rinna. Rinna tells us the romantic tale, a star struck spectacle of celebrity worship. Bravo thankfully yanks us away from the boring blather, and shoots us to Malibu. The beach is lovely, the wind is blowing, and thankfully, Eileen is wearing panties. Eileen invites Dorit to an upcoming lunch at Camille’s house, and the ladies chat about the escape room experience. Eileen bravely sticks up for Erika’s naked hoo-ha, and Dorit notes that she credits the naughty faux pas for kicking off their mutual disdain. Eileen brings up the dinner party gossip, and Dorit plays dumb, clearly frustrating Eileen. Dorit explains that Rinna’s hustle is pretty forgettable, and she shouldn’t be expected to remember her meaningless yammer. Eileen rambles on and on, Dorit doesn’t really care, and the combo is a thing of beauty. They decide that Eileen needs to work on bluntness, and amping up the interest-level in her mind-numbing chatter would also be helpful.
We hop back to Rinna, Erika and Eden, and hear a quick history of her father, hair giant, Vidal Sassoon. Eden tells Rinna to never change her hairstyle, and Rinna glows in smug glory, declaring victory over Bravo castoff irrelevance. Eden shares about her family, revealing that her sister died of an overdose. She dishes some past Hollywood pre-druggie anecdotes—a delish foreshadowing to the resident junkie’s visit, going down next week.
We join the Umanskys for lunch at Mauricio’s office, where we are once again reminded of the real estate family’s glorious success, and their harrowing struggle for more time together. We get it.
We visit a past villain, checking in with Camille Grammer in her new home. The 90210 veteran catches us up on her life, and we learn that things have not improved with her cheating dog of an ex, Kelsey. Dorit, Erika and Eileen arrive, and they all sit down to lunch. Erika fills them in on the trashy music biz, but Dorit is puzzled by her colorless personality. Dorit opines that Boy George reeks of performer, and Erika just turns it on for kicks. The other ladies chime in about Erika’s wild success, but Dorit doesn’t buy it, because Erika only pulls off part-time allure. Eileen fan-girls her idol, gushing over a middle-aged woman pulling off a such unprecedented puss-patting. Erika notes that you’re never too old to be inspired out of your undies. Dorit agrees, because the trampy 40’s is the new slutty 20’s.
Erika shuts down Dorit’s shady compliments, snapping that she has no biz butting her nose into the 40 and Fab club. Erika and Eileen exchange quips about midlife freedom, and agree that being over 40 is where it’s at. Dorit brings up the dizzying beach convo, and Erika butts in to clarify an issue that has nothing to do with her. The spinning dialogue continues, until Dorit shuts up Eileen—ending the episode with a “snap.”
The circular lunch continues next week—but things look up, when Kim Richards pops onto the scene for another game night. Dare we dream for a repeat performance?