Welcome to 2017! The Ladies of London are still in 2016, but that’s okay, they’re a trifle out of touch anyway. Marissa and Caroline F are having lunch, talking about sex and the untruthful gossip that surrounds them. The conversation moves to the topic of Caroline S and why she’s such a bump on a log. Contrary to recent chatter, it’s not because of legal problems, at least not that Caroline F will divulge because she doesn’t entirely trust Marissa.
Onto Juliet whom we haven’t seen much of this season. She’s dining with her blogging assistant and Julie’s branding “expert.” Haven’t heard much from Julie’s “schweaty balls” from last year, but Juliet needs all the help she can get. Her fashion blog has turned from a hobby into a “career” and Juliet is overwhelmed because she’s an “involved” mom and proud dog walker, and, oh yeah, a wife. Juliet listens to tips and gets pumped up when she learns how “London” she is.
Marissa and Matt are on a date night. Will tonight be the night they do the deed? Maybe. And maybe not. Marissa is nervous. Medically she’s got the clear, and she’s bought lingerie, but instead of having romantic talk with her husband, Marissa begins talking about Juliet and their changed relationship due to her vomiting drama in her life. Matt is like, fine, get rid of her. Move on. Drink the champagne and let’s get randy!
Today is Queen Elizabeth’s birthday. Happy birthday! (Have you watched The Crown on Netflix? OMG, so good.) Juliet is celebrating with a pub crawl in East London and dressing circa 1980’s Madonna for her blog because she’s so London. Caroline F comes over and is surprised by Juliet’s throwback look. Caroline S calls on the phone to say she’s running late again and will meet them at the first pub with her friend Lucy. Caroline F thinks Caroline S’s tardiness is very improper.
Elsewhere, Sophie, Marissa, and Adela meet up to celebrate the day. Sophie is tired of the wretched drama from the other ladies – namely her sister-in-law. They sit down and start pounding drinks in honor of Her Royal Highness (not Caroline S). Adela is sober, and so far is rocking it, but Sophie is like a caged animal ready to pounce on the men. Unfortunately, there are no hot men so Sophie wants to leave the bar. Adela uses this as her chance to escape because she can’t handle the drunkards. Then Sophie drunk-dials her ex-husband to ask for the sexy trainer guy’s phone number. Marissa tries to tell her it’s a bad idea, but Sophie does it anyway and actually it’s no problem. Her ex is happy to hand her off to another bloke. Unfortunately again, the sexy trainer’s in Italy.
Caroline S shows up in her circa 1950’s leather and snaps at Caroline F when she asks why she’s late. Caroline S thinks Caroline F should loosen up and have an orgasm – advice they both should adhere. The mission today is to walk around in the miserable weather and take pictures while drinking. Caroline S’s friend Lucy is along for the dreadful time celebration and is asked by Caroline S to decide who runs a better household between her and Caroline F. Way to put a friend on the spot. And who cares, they both have a staff! This has something to do with house rules and Caroline S not wanting to hug or eat fruit. Got it?
Sophie and Marissa hit another bar and drink watermelon martinis. Both women are getting their groove on and Sophie is dancing on top of the bar. These two are having fun, contrary to the other group of ladies who seem to be drinking bitters. Caroline S has a bug up her as because Caroline F scolded her for being tardy and won’t get over it. But Caroline perks up when she shares the gossip from Adela about how snockered Sophie and Marissa are getting. Caroline S is not happy with this new Sophie. Caroline F tells Caroline S that she expects loyalty, but won’t give it. And while we’re at it, Caroline S takes jabs at other people. The bitters is working because the two Caroline’s kiss and make up.
After the hangovers are dealt with, Caroline S and Juliet meet for chocolate and coffee, and once again talk behind Sophie’s back about her disloyalty. Caroline S also slams all the other ladies. Lady Julie: is on speed and becoming her worst nightmare. Caroline F: is like being with the headmistress from boarding school with her proper rules. And to prove Caroline’s still the queen bee, she’s hosting a weekend in Scotland and wants all the other ladies to celebrate her before she leaves for Dubai. As an added measure of cruelty, Caroline S has something special planned for Julie to put her and her house rules in their place. Won’t this be fun!
Sophie is hat shopping and not much else happens except Caroline F stops by to tell her divorce agrees with her and gossip about Caroline S. Sophie says the day of reckoning is coming for them and it will be over sushi.
Over at Marissa’s house, she is dreading this visit from Juliet. The nanny says she can see Baby Sadie but cannot touch her until she’s six months old. They talk about Scotland, avoiding the topic of their failed friendship. Marissa brings up the gossip about Juliet being shocked that she went to New York so soon after Sadie got out of the hospital. Juliet stutters a weak excuse and levels back that she heard Marissa was gossiping about Caroline S leaving London to get away from her legal problems. Marissa denies saying this.
Now for the sushi smack down. The women arrive and exchange pleasantries. Sophie starts by saying she did not intend to come from a place of malice and didn’t mean to cause Caroline to be upset. Caroline asks why of all people did Sophie go for her like that. Sophie says like what and we hear the litany of issues we’ve already heard before. Like Sophie becoming friends with Julie. And Sophie becoming friends with Adela. Sophie says she messed up, but Caroline won’t stop punishing her. Her own ex-husband isn’t this harsh. Caroline says they don’t share children so she doesn’t have to be as civil.
As for the children’s party, Caroline says it wasn’t a bitch move, it was a complete miscommunication with her nanny and then her mother. That’s why her children didn’t attend her brother’s kid’s birthday party. Caroline S says she and Sophie never fought until Julie came into their lives. They agree to no more talking about each other behind their backs and Caroline says Sophie’s apology will do for now, but will it?
Tune in next week for a weekend of fun at a rented castle in Scotland.