Welcome back, mates! We return to the mid-dinner meltdown of Caroline S during the Ladies of the London time at Mapperton. The only lady at the table defending Caroline S is her lapdog, Juliet, who follows her out the door, tail wagging. When Juliet returns to fetch her coat, she announces they will both be departing. Jules goes outside to try and rectify the matter, but it’s useless. Caroline S is claiming Adela has pushed her over the edge by calling her spoiled. The good news is, Lady Jules hasn’t shed a single tear. Last season she would have cried an entire bucket of water by now.
No worries. The following morning will be a fresh start – or not. There’s a knock at Caroline S’s hotel door so she tells Luke to get it because Caroline can’t be bothered to get out of bed just yet. Sophie is there to strong arm Caroline into joining them on the boat, however unless someone drowns Adela prior to, it’s just not going to happen. Caroline says no and tells Sophie to get off the bloody bed and leave. Caroline has made up her mind no matter how gob smacked you are.
Outside Juliet informs Adela that she annihilated Caroline at dinner last night and therefore is a nasty person. The other ladies get up and walk off, bored by the subject. Sophie joins them and shares Caroline S’s refusal to go fishing due to her and Adela’s intolerable rudeness. Funny how this thing started because Caroline said it was Jules and her house rules who were rude.
Back in London, Marissa is packing for a party in the Hamptons for her mother-in-law’s 80th birthday. Baby Sadie has just gotten out of the hospital and apparently ready to be left alone with the nanny while her parents skip across the pond for a party. Marissa says she did consider cancelling the weekend, but promised the boys during her pregnancy they would each have a separate weekend vacation, and this is one of those weekends. So, off they go.
Back at Mapperton, the ladies are fishing on the Jolly Dodger and will be using rat worms as bait. Be careful, they bite. Of course, that’s the bonus of hiring a guide – they handle all that stuff. Besides, the views of the Dorset coastline cliffs are breath-taking. Pop the corks and let’s pretend to fish. Jules is the first to catch a small dogfish and compares the dowdy baby shark to Caroline S.
Back at the hotel, Caroline S and Luke go for a stroll on the beach so she can complain about everything, but mostly Sophie. Caroline says she has been the best sister-in-law in the whole wide world, but Dubai can’t come soon us. Caroline thinks her life would be so much simpler if she had been born a gay man. Yes, because gay men have it so easy, Caroline. Why Luke doesn’t gob smack her, we’ll never know. Anyway, Caroline is ready to go home so that’s all that matters.
On the boat, avid fisherwoman, Caroline F has caught a real fish. Not enough to have sushi for two, but she’s enjoying herself. Jules takes a moment to say how important last night’s dinner was to her. Caroline F jumps in and explains that when two of your friends leave in the middle of dinner, before eating their pudding, it’s hurtful and disrespectful. Juliet apologizes for leaving and says she’s damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t. All is forgiven for now and the ladies hug it out.
Next on the schedule, (pronounced shed-ule) the ladies picnic at the beach, but Caroline is a no-show. The lunch choices are fish and chips or chips and fish. Luke drives Caroline to the lunch spot so that she can say goodbye. Caroline S has a go at Sophie when she tells her to respect her time and sod off. Sophie goes for a cigarette and Adela joins her. Jules says she will not have this discussion in front of everyone, so she and Caroline S walk off with their wine and sit on the beach for a tete-a-tete.
Caroline S explains how Jules’ house rules triggered the horrid memories of her years at boarding school, poor thing. Jules says they have more in common than they don’t have in common. And at the end of the day, be different, be yourself. This conversation makes no sense because in Jules’ testimonial, she says Caroline S is intimidated by her because she has a title and Caroline does not. Own it, Jules!
Over at the picnic table, Caroline F tells Sophie there is much love between her and Caroline S, but Sophie isn’t feeling it and ready to tell Caroline S to eff off. Adela points out that her sister-in-law’s bark is worse than her bite, and once again, Juliet jumps to attention, yapping about her loyalty to Caroline S. Juliet mentions how supportive Caroline S has been of Sophie during her divorce from her brother and Sophie tells Juliet that Caroline is actually being very unkind during this time. To commemorate everyone’s eventful Mapperton stay, Jules has parting gifts from the new and improved gift shop for the ladies: jam and chutney and a dish cloth. Back at the car, Luke and Caroline S make fun of the gifts because not one of them knows how to use a dish cloth.
Finally back in London, Caroline F, Juliet and friend Kim are having a private yoga session so they can breathe themselves into their very center. Nama-say-what? To ruin the peaceful moment, Juliet brings up that Caroline S is still annoyed at everyone. Caroline F thought this was all settled and feels this isn’t her stuff to figure out, it’s Caroline S’s stuff to figure out. Next, the girls ask Juliet about Marissa and Juliet promptly throws Marissa under the double-decker bus by saying how strange it is to go off and leave your newborn baby two days after being released from the hospital. For once Juliet makes sense.
Up next, Jules’ husband, also named Luke, brings in the data on the new Mapperton gift shop. The numbers are up, of course, those numbers are deceiving because the cost of running the shop also went up and the final numbers reflect a loss. Buggers! And if that weren’t disappointing enough, Luke said he heard about the uneaten pudding debacle. Apologies will need to be made to the cook who worked so hard.
Sophie is having a birthday party for her three-year old, son. Her soon-to-be ex-husband, Alex, is there, but can barely be bothered to stop checking his phone. Sophie tells Adela that Caroline S sent her a message that she felt betrayed by her and therefore her children wouldn’t be attending their cousins and her nephew’s three year-old’s party. Adela can’t believe she’d use the children to hurt Sophie. It’s crazy. It’s not like Caroline had to attend. Her parents were there, plus she could have sent the children with their many nannies. As they say, poor form!
Tell me what you think so far of this season. Are the Ladies of London a snooze fest or do you still find the lifestyles of the British fascinating? In the meantime, cheerio and have a holly, jolly Christmas! See you next week.