Ello, cheeky monkeys! The Ladies of London are back for season three and just as wicked-fun as ever.
We begin at Mapperton Estate with Julie and her husband Luke who now run the place. I guess she’s no longer peddling her “Unbelievable Balls” or whatever they were. Talk about pressure! Because Jules is an American, everyone is waiting for her to fail, said the voices in her head. In the meantime, the future Earl and Countess of Sandwich will muddle through. Jules says Kate Middleton has nothing on her. And by nothing, she must mean everything.
Next up is Marissa and Matt who are discussing knickers. Last we saw, Marissa she was launching her hot dog empire. Flash forward a year and now she’s preggers with her third baby and on bedrest. Unfortunately Marissa needs to have her baby girl two months early along with a hysterectomy. It’s life or death situation for her, so off they go to the hospital. No word if Marissa’s last meal was a hot dog.
Caroline Stanbury and her sister-in-law, Sophie, are incredibly hung over after Caroline’s 40th birthday blow out. Excuse me? Where were the Bravo cameras? I’m glad that on a scale of 1 to 10, Caroline and Sophie are hurting on an 11. But let the healing begin. They ladies are soon hooked up to IV’s filled with the good stuff and a stiff upper lip is underway. Last year, Caroline Stanbury was dealing with the loss of her business “Gift Library” and this year she’s a bored housewife, but not a like a real housewife. The kind of housewife that has nannies, cooks, maids, gardeners and has agreed to move to Dubai.
Sad news for Sophie, though, after 11 years of togetherness with Caroline’s brother, the two have decided to divorce. During the last year Sophie and Alex have only made each other miserable. It seems the “life of the party” we met last year was all an act. Even Caroline is ready for their divorce, since hanging with the Bickerson’s can be so tiring. But here’s a twist, Caroline Stanbury blames Jules as the “village fog horn” for driving a wedge between herself and Sophie. Sophie is in a fragile state, and frankly the more friends she has, the better, but Caroline is not happy with Jules and Sophie’s close friendship.
Onto Caroline F who is packing while her son eats a cookie in the bed, trying not to get the dreaded crumbs on the sheets, but of course he will. Caroline is traveling to Denmark to visit her father who has cancer. Their relationship has always been embedded with conflict, but love conquers all, except for Caroline’s personal love-life, that is. She promises her adorable, messy son that she’ll be back before he knows it.
Back at the hospital, Marissa is still with child, and mummy and baby are doing fine. She’s very scared and the power couple feels powerless. Matt is not allowed to be with Marissa during the C-section and must go to the waiting room and wait, and wait, and wait. Matt says he hates being impotent, but that’s a totally different problem, right? Finally, Matt learns that everything is great with mom and baby girl. Hip, hip, hooray!
Over at Caroline Stanbury’s rental house, her assistant/bff Luke stops by. Caroline has rented out her Surrey estate and the renters wanted to move in immediately. The whole family will eventually be moving to Dubai, however, everyone who’s anyone knows you don’t go to Dubai in the summer. For the time being, Caroline has rented another home in London and boxes upon boxes of personal effects are scattered about. Her friends are shocked over her decision to move to the Middle East, but Caroline says if she doesn’t like it she will make like a tree and leave. Will Caroline be a mighty oak or a weeping willow? Can’t wait to find out.
Enter Adela, our newest friend of the ladies. She and Caroline Stanbury go way back and Adela has big boobs and big hair, according to Caroline and that makes her a big deal. Adela says it’s a misconception that Caroline Stanbury is an ice queen. Apparently Adela has found a way to chisel through to Caroline’s heart. Cheers to you, Adela!
Across town, a sad Sophie is walking with Jules, discussing a ladies luncheon she’s planning for her new beginning. She tells Jules that Caroline Stanbury thinks her loose lips are dangerous. This really bothers Jules and she goes off, but thankfully doesn’t burst into a puddle of tears due to her HSP (highly sensitive person) she was diagnosed with last season. Jules, who has grown balls instead of making balls, fires back at Sophie about how wrong she is. Lady Julie feels Caroline is threatened by her title, something she doesn’t have and can’t buy.
We get to know Sophie a little better as she works out to get her newly single body back in tip top shape. Once upon a time, Sophie was a girl about town, and around the world, working for a hedge fund manager. Then Caroline Stanbury introduced her to her brother, Alex, and 11 years and two little boys later, Sophie is on her own again. Her marriage failed because she was ready to go from party mode to mummy mode, yet hubby Alex wasn’t ready to end the party.
Moving on, it’s time for the re-birthing luncheon. Speaking of birthing, Marissa won’t be there but Caroline F is ready to soak up all that temperamental London sun. And Caroline Stanbury is ready to take on Jules. Sophie called her sister-in-law and told her all about Jules’ tiff. However, at the party Jules has decided she no longer wishes to confront Caroline Stanbury and that it’s better to not get mad, let it go, rise above, and whatever inspirational quote of the day she got from her calendar.
As the ladies toast, American Juliet finally shows up. She was a constant source of annoyance to Caroline Stanbury, yet now the two are great gal pals. When Sophie extracts herself from kissing Jules’ bum, she goes over to Caroline Stanbury, who tells her she’s ready for the confrontation to commence. Caroline S says she wants Jules to start it so she can finish it.
So Jules joins the ladies to discuss the comment “dangerous.” Caroline Stanbury explains “dangerous” means “manipulative.” Juliet jumps into the fray only because she’s Caroline’s service bitch. Jules is confused. Basically, Caroline Stanbury is marking her territory around Sophie. But Sophie defends Jules, blames herself, starts to cry and this irritates Caroline Stanbury even more. Meanwhile, Caroline F just doesn’t understand why grownups can’t act like grownups, and btw, where’s the sun?
Jules has had enough, she kisses everyone on both cheeks, even the one’s she doesn’t like, and leaves, like an American elm tree. Now Caroline Stanbury can say whatever she wants, which is, she’s only cruel to people she loves, therefore Caroline would never take the time to be cruel to Jules. There’s a compliment in there somewhere.
Tune in next week when we meet Marissa’s new baby girl and the three-way fight between Sophie, Caroline Stanbury, and Jules continues.