We are back in the wee hours of the morning on Ladies of London following a drunken New Year’s Eve. Juliet has caught Caroline the unicorn air-humping her husband, Gregor. Juliet takes off her koala bear hat and throws it at Caroline for not understanding boundaries. Sophie is trying to explain, rather slurringly, that everyone needs variety and Juliet should just go hump Caroline’s husband, because that’s the spice of life. Juliet kicks out her guests, it’s time for bed, the party is over.
As they go to another room, Caroline S tells Caroline Fleming that her comedian antics were misunderstood. Caroline S ponders if it was…dare she say…wrong of her to hump another woman’s husband while wearing a unicorn onesie? Perish the thought. Sophie has an epiphany that Lady Julie and Juliet are very sensitive people.
For some reason, after saying it was time to go to bed, Juliet then puts on her robe and paper tiara and joins the other ladies to rehash #humpgate. Juliet tells the women that Gregor is reserved and therefore couldn’t tell Caroline to hump-off. Sophie drunkenly declares it was the highlight of Gregor’s evening, sounding like Caroline’s parrot – which she is. Juliet tells everyone to sod off. Marissa tries to calm Juliet down because she’s incapable of taking on the Stanbury sisters. So true.
The following morning, everyone has a hangover and wants to vomit except Lady Julie who has dashed off to teach her 10:00am yoga class for people with no friends or lives. She returns to the hotel to discuss her medical affliction of HSP with Annabelle. What’s HSP? It’s Highly Sensitive Personality. It’s a real thing, supposedly. Annabelle’s head is now pounding more from this revelation than the champagne.
Caroline S phones pal Luke to complain about her night. She recaps Lady Julie sobbing and is no longer sorry for calling her out on the slow yoga headstand. Caroline says that Americans are much more emotional and sensitive, and finds this very pathetic. You know what Americans find pathetic? Apathy and blatant discontent.
Marissa joins Annabelle and Lady Julie without checking a mirror first. Her mascara is drooping below her eyes and her hair is flat. It’s just so un-Marissa. She informs Lady Julie and Annabelle of the Stanbury standoff with Juliet when she returned for round two of #humpgate.
Later that morning, the party goers from last night show up at Gregor and Juliet’s suite for brunch, but really to rehash, yet again, the night’s sloppy behavior by everyone in attendance. Sophie shows up though she would rather hide under her duvet, though there is no mention of the midnight, lingering kisses with several women. Caroline S tells Lady Julie that she retracts her apology, she’s no longer sorry. Lady Julie is crushed. Annabelle calls foul play on the un-apology and tells Caroline S that if she says it, she must mean it! Then Annabelle gets up and leaves. Girlfriend has a low tolerance for drama.
Caroline F and Caroline S meet up for a stroll with Caroline F’s wiener dogs to discuss how Juliet can’t let go of #humpgate, when Caroline gets a text of the Sunday Times. There’s a photo in the business section with Marissa holding a loaded hotdog, not to be confused with the wiener dogs, in front of her face. Caroline S is mortified for Marissa. Caroline F chokes out her dreadful laugh.
Lady Julie calls Annabelle and describes the photo of Marissa holding the hotdog. When asked if she’d eat a hotdog, Annabelle says only in America. For Marissa’s sake, I hope Annabelle isn’t speaking for all Londoners. Lady Julie is totally jealous and wants some P.R. like that for her fledgling snack company, Jub’s.
Marissa and her husband, Matt, go for a stroll on this wet morning to pick up seven or eight newspapers and laugh at Marissa’s hot dog smile. Hear-ye, hear-ye, Marissa Hermer is now Top Dog! She says it’s because of her husband’s amazing connections that she was able to embarrass herself in the Sunday Times.
Over at Gift Library with Caroline S, she is telling pal Luke what a terrible year it’s been. They lost a couple of big deals and Christmas sales were not what they’d hoped. Caroline’s unsure what to do. Does she throw herself into the business and miss the kids’ childhood? Perhaps she should throw herself into her kids’ childhood and miss her business. Either way, Caroline has some tough decisions ahead of her.
Juliet and Gregor show up late for their tennis lesson. Juliet says she tries to make sure when her husband’s home he’s having fun. Nothing more fun than getting yelled at by a tennis pro. Juliet thinks Caroline S has a god-complex, but Juliet won’t let the issue of #humpgate go. She wants Caroline to take responsibility for her actions. It seems to me that Gregor has recovered nicely from the alleged sexual assault.
Over at Caroline’s house, she escapes from her kids’ messy pizza dinner and retreats to her shoe closet. I could meditate in there. She and Cem are dining out tonight minus the children. Is there any other way? Cem is a great guy. He tells Caroline that from his Turkish perspective, he saw nothing wrong with Caroline humping another man. Caroline tells him that she explained to Juliet that if she doesn’t get over this she will wipe the floor with her and Gregor.
There is a boring touching scene with Caroline F flying back to Denmark to visit her granny who plays the piano beautifully. We hear how at age 11, Carol’s mother who married an aristocrat for love, died. She doesn’t tell us how her mum died, just that she and her grandmother were equally devastated by the loss.
Back in London, Annabelle and Lady Julie are meeting for a little vino and to discuss the other overplayed storyline of Caroline S making a comment about #headstand-gate. Poor Annabelle, she must be so tired of hearing the Americans complain about Caroline S. She suggests that Lady Julie tell Caroline to shut the fuck up. What? Lady Julie could never do that. She is not only a “Lady,” but a “Terrified Lady” of Caroline. Juliet all of the sudden shows up. Lady Julie bring her up to snuff on the topic of Caroline and her apology retraction. Annabelle says, “Yeah, Caroline does play the North Korean card a little bit.” Ha! Girlfriend has guts!
Juliet is suffering for one of her own medical afflictions called CAS – Convenient Amnesia Syndrome. She doesn’t recall being upset with Caroline S. Juliet is fine with Caroline being Caroline because that’s who Caroline is. Lady Julie doesn’t understand. Juliet was just complaining about Caroline wiping the floor with her and Gregor the other day. Annabelle understands. Annabelle says Juliet is trying to “nip this lolly” which I have no idea what that means, but it has to do with being one of Caroline’s pawns. Juliet is getting annoyed and feeling set up. She’s just mad that Lady Julie brought this up in front of Annabelle, someone who has not and will not, ever be friends with Juliet.