RECAP: Real Housewives of New York “Birthday in The Berks” [Episode 9]

Posted on Jun 3 2015 - 11:10am by Dani-K

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We’re going back to the Berkshires! Remember all the fun we had there last year with Ramona’s meltdown? Now she claims to love the Berkshires. And the fashion! There where moments during this episode when I didn’t know what era we were in. Kristen and Heather definitely need to learn the art of conversation, specifically when to STFU. The only disappointment this week is this was only part one of Dorinda’s birthday party. 

The estate is gorgeous, expansive and decorated for Christmas. There are purple couches and teal couches and rooms that are painted in bold, shiny colors. The house without a name was a wedding gift from Dorinda’s late husband, Richard. Later in the episode, Carole comes up with the name, Blue Stone Manor, that Dorinda likes, though Ramona tried to say it was her idea.

The girls begin to arrive, Luann and Ramona are first, successfully not killing each other during the limo ride over. Carole, Kristen, and Heather arrive next. Dorinda says she hasn’t heard from Sonja and we know Bethenny can’t make it…or can she?

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Ramona asks Kristen dating advice: if a guy accompanies her somewhere is it considered a date? Kristen says yes. Ramona doesn’t like this answer. A clip is shown from four days earlier when Ramona asked her business partner, Peter, to come to Dorinda’s birthday dinner party. Carole inquires if they have kissed, but Ramona doesn’t kiss and tell. Carole then offers the cliché, don’t mix business with pleasure, but Ramona is insulted by this advice. She was born knowing this rule.

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Ramona and Kristen sit down in the teal room and Ramona regales the slightly altered version of Dorinda’s other birthday dinner last week. Kristen agrees that John is too flirtatious and makes her uncomfortable. Ramona’s question is why would Luann bring this up at a beautiful party, because Ramona would NEVER do that. Kristen recommends settling this privately with Luann, but leaving Dorinda out of it.

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Having heard her name, Dorinda pops in the room and asks what’s up. Kristen tells Dorinda that she and Ramona were discussing John’s touchy-feely hands-on approach with women. Dorinda gets mad and calls Kristen out by reminding her she seemed perfectly happy doing the shimmy-sandwich with John and Sonja. Dorinda blames Kristen for being coquettish with John and making her look like an ass. Kristen is shocked that her innocent little comment has caused so much strife. Really, Kristen? Pretty is NOT smarter than you think!

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Heather walks in the room and asks what’s going on. Ramona’s nervous energy kicks in, she starts dancing and informs Heather that everyone will touch bodies tomorrow night. Dorinda explains for the 19th time that John is a good guy with a kind heart who didn’t mind when she cried over Richard. John even cried with her. Choked up, Dorinda says that it sucks being 50 and starting over. Ramona makes a personal promise to try to like John for the sake of Dorinda.

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The ladies go to dinner at the swanky Red Lion Inn. Everyone got the “wear black” memo except Luann who is wearing a royal blue ensemble and black choker, similar to a saloon girl from the old west. While dining, the conversation shifts to Bethenny, and what is her damn problem anyway? Ramona says that Bethenny isn’t a girls’ girl. Luann says that Bethenny had to scratch her way through life. They all deduce that trust is Bethenny’s main issue. After Carole tells of the teary-eyed furniture shopping trip, Kristen asks if they were real tears or crocodile tears like Ramona cries. Kristen has now successfully pissed of two people in two hours. However, Heather is just not feeling it. Plenty of people have crappy parents and everyone is going through something, including her. Heather recently lost her nanny of nine years. The horror! The horror! Heather just compared a nanny quitting to a terrible childhood. The takeaway is, according to the ladies, everyone endures tragedy, but you’ve got to get up, get out of bed and take a shower so you don’t smell like a goat.

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The next morning, Sonja arrives overdressed and without Dominik. Heather and Ramona are twinkies in matching leopard-fur vests. They go to town to shop and so Ramona can bring up Luann’s poor timing from last week’s dinner party. Luann handles it with class and says it was the champagne talking and apologizes for pulling a “Ramona.” Sonja is telling Dorinda and Carole that men don’t like it when you pull out a penis shaped vibrator. Go figure. Dorinda isn’t interested in the conversation and walks off. Carole says she shouldn’t knock it ‘till she tries it.

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The men start to arrive. Sonja greets John with a kiss in Dorinda’s bedroom wearing lingerie. John asks Dorinda if it’s all right that he touch Sonja. Yay! He’s learning. Dorinda says okay, but no boobs. Sonja forgot her dress and borrows a silver, silk charmeuse dress from Dorinda, but doesn’t wear it. Luann’s outfit has moved her from the 1800’s to the 1920’s, black lace gloves included. Surprise, surprise! Bethenny shows up. Dorinda is honored Bethenny made the effort. Everyone is happy to see her except Heather. Heather quips that Bethenny should have arranged to keep her daughter with her kids at the Red Lion Inn even though all the children are asleep. There might be nine ways to skin a cat, but Heather only knows one way, her way.

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Carole goes to Luann’s room to show her an article the producers she found on the internet. It says that Peter used to date Mario’s mistress. Awkward! They share this private and upsetting info with Heather. Peter is last to arrive at Blue Stone Manor. He has know idea what he’s in for.

After Dorinda is lovey-dovey with touchy-feely John at the dinner table, John informs Bethenny, wanting to impress her, they have a sushi chef preparing dinner. Bethenny explains that she can only eat shellfish, and Heather goes into helicopter mom mode, trying to solve the problem. When Heather’s attempts to “tend” to Bethenny are rebuffed, Heather becomes offended by the snub. Heather complains to Carole about Bethenny and Bethenny complains to Sonja about Heather.

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Clearly an attempt to normalize the room, Dorinda asks Peter how he and Ramona know each other. Because he’s nervous (I hope) Peter says that Ramona used to take care of him when he was a young boy. Congratulations, Peter. You’ve just called out your date as older. Heather tells Peter that they have a real journalist in their midst who looked up the goods on him, but wants to save it for dessert. I hope they’re serving something in a cold dish for Heather.

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Peter tries to continue the conversation on his life, but Bethenny interrupts by telling each of her wine glasses how much she loves them. Peter tries again and explains that he used to be in construction, but then switched to the restaurant business. Bethenny then asks the gentleman sitting next to Sonja if he would like her to stab him with a butter knife. Heather tells Sonja and Bethenny that she’s going to separate them if they can’t behave. Bethenny asks why, there are like 20 people at the table and more than one conversation can exist. Heather tells Bethenny it was joke and to lighten up. Note to Heather: the definition of a joke is that more than one person must find it funny. Even Jason looks baffled by his wife’s behavior. Birthday girl Dorinda explains succinctly that Heather goes from teacher to preacher in a New York minute. Heather tells Bethenny that she can say whatever the “eff” she wants. So there.

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Bethenny, with misty eyes, explains that she doesn’t want the attention. Bethenny would prefer to curl up into a ball and cry, but can’t because she’s at a dinner party trying to make an effort – and for what? Heather gets up from her chair and tries to extract Bethenny from hers, but Bethenny is having none of it. Heather goes back to her seat, sits down in a huff and says, “Fine!”

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Tune in next week for part two of Dinner for Shmucks: Berkshire edition.

 

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I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run. For more information, please visit me at:
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  • RHONJ Fan

    Heather thinks she is the “whats right police.” She’s a busy body and seems to be focusing on everyone’s faults. It’s pretty bad when Ramona is the voice of reason.

    • LOL @ Ramona being the voice of reason. What a crazy dinner scene.

  • CNN

    Love the recap, DaniK. Heather is so over the top controlling and would never have the instinct that Carole or Dorinda would. She’s just so jealous even Carole isn’t sure what to say to Heather. Heather thinks losing her Nanny of 9 years is comparable to Bethany not having any support from her Mother or Dad? Boy is she wacky.

    • MidwestMiddie

      I agree that Heather’s nanny comparison may not seem like a good one, except if
      her children’s nanny had been with them since their births, I’m sure her departure was a huge loss for everyone as the nanny was a true part of their family.

      • Chloe

        Yeah but how do you compare someone’s mother trying to commit suicide in front of them (as a child) and a step-dad beating your mother (in front of you) to losing a nanny? Also witnessing parents drunk and doing drugs. Not defending Bethenny but those are deep scars that anyone would carry for a lifetime and will affect your personality as an adult. To me, the 2 are not comparable and in that moment Heather showed a total lack of perception of a situation and intelligence.

        • MidwestMiddie

          Bethenny’s mother claims her daughter is nothing but a liar and that
          she didn’t attempt to commit suicide at all.
          Why would I believe Bethenny’s version over her mother’s?

          • Chloe

            I digress, you present a very valid point. But if true, it’s sad.

          • side of Sour Cream

            Because threatening to commit suicide in front of your kid is child abuse and morally reprehensible. Also, a parent who would do that might be on drugs and not remember it.

          • MidwestMiddie

            Yes, threatening to commit suicide in front of your child would be abusive behavior and morally reprehensible.
            I don’t have any reason to believe Bethenny’s statement, which her mother claims is a lie.

      • CNN

        Hi Midwest. After re-watching the episode, I still feel Heather was being self righteous w/zero compassion. She was beyond cruel w/her remarks about Bethenny’s situation w/her mother. Her behavior at the dinner table w/Bethenny was beyond ridiculous. Bethenny was actually nice w/how she handled Heather trying to ‘mother’ her. Heather behaved like a spoiled child who didn’t get her way.

  • Chloe

    Great recap, Dani-K! I never cared for Heather. She’s a very judgmental person and what does she mean by saying cut Bethany so much slack? Shouldn’t she have some humility that Bethenny’s family has been torn apart. Heather needs to relax. Stop forcing a friendship that isn’t there then throwing a hissy fit when she’s rebuffed. Heather displayed a narcissistic attitude last night.

    • Dani-K

      Bethenny is like a squirrel and Heather is the person chasing, waving her hands in the air, trying to catch the squirrel. Heather needs to wait patiently for the squirrel to come to her. LOL. Read that in a fortune cookie!

  • MidwestMiddie

    After weeks of preparing to move and getting settled I finally had the time to watch the earlier episodes of the RHNYC and all I can say is – PLEASE REMOVE BETHENNY FROM THE SHOW! What a phony!! Bethenny is there to try and save her reputation as an awful person. Sorry ……can’t be done! She is real all right – Real Awful!
    Just read the Bravo blogs and I guess Bethenny was out of the loop for not RSVPing to Dorinda’s Birthday Bash. Guests were told how to dress for the dinner. Also, when Heather offered Bethenny food other than the sushi, she did so because she and most of the ladies had brought back left-overs from their lunch in town earlier in the day. Only Bethenny would take a casual comment and turn it into a cause for more attention and tears. Sheesh! Heather is right, imo, and most of the ladies give Bethenny too much slack for her awfulness. Bethenny’s childhood memories and tearfulness reek of self-serving promotion. Gag.

    • Chloe

      Bethenny can be a whiney pain in the ass, I agree. Last night, I was liking Ramona. Go figure!

      • MidwestMiddie

        lol

    • Livie1

      Midwest, popping in to say Hi!! Glad to read you are settled in now after your move!

      I haven’t watched this episode so out of respect for Dani-K (btw, awesome recap Dani-K!!) I’m keeping my comments to a snark or two about fashion….but I have a feeling that when I do watch the episode, I’ll be agreeing with you regarding Bethenny. Tired of all the crybabies on these shows I guess. They are almost interchangeable at this point!! BooHoo’s By Bravo!!!

      • MidwestMiddie

        I agree with you – awesome recap. Worthy of a 2nd cup of coffee!!
        : )

        • Livie1

          That’s exactly what I’m doing here too! “Brown Sugar Crumble Donut”…love these coffee names they come up with!!! Tasty 🙂

          • DJ49

            I don’t even like coffee, but that sounds good!

        • Dani-K

          Thanks!

    • RealitytvJunkie

      Hi Midwest. I think everyone knows Bethany doesn’t want anybody fussing over her or anything that doesn’t need to be addressed. Heather over shares and likes to “discuss” things too much.

      • MidwestMiddie

        I believe Bethenny pursues others willing to fuss over her and whatever drama she chooses to share along with her crocodile tears.
        I don’t find her credible.

      • Dani-K

        I agree that Heather wants to analyze every comment to death. I was waiting for Sonja to tell Heather she’s projecting, but Sonja was so quiet during this episode – except for the lingerie part!

  • Livie1

    Dorinda, your scarf clashes with your teal room, just saying. Call your stylist, STAT.

    • RealitytvJunkie

      Haha. Dorinda house looks like a fun house at the county fair. Horrid.

      • Raine Woman

        She ruined that beautiful house with her “colorful style.” Ugh!

        • Livie1

          I haven’t watched the episode yet and was just going by the photos here but yes, Ugh!

          • Raine Woman

            Prepre yourself, Livie1, it’s a cacophony of color.

          • Livie1

            Goes and gets sunglasses and a bottle of wine in preparation for being blinded by bad taste! Thanks for the head’s up Raine!!

        • OMG! What is up with that oily paint?? The walls look like they were sweating. Just classless. And that random out of place animal print rug in the hallway…why?????

          • Raine Woman

            I’m with you, Doc. High gloss paint on those old walls show every imperfection and come off looking cheap. I though the rug was the classiest thing in the whole place and I still hated it. Ha!

          • Livie1

            The only shine I want to ever see on wall surfaces are mirrors, windows or the SUBTLE glow of a tasteful wallpaper. This here looks like porch floor paint.

          • Raine Woman

            You’re going to need bigger sunglasses and a case of wine. There’s no cohesion in that house. It’s one glaring room after the next, and not a porch in sight.

          • Livie1

            Now I can’t wait!!!!! LOL!!!

          • Raine Woman

            Is it too much for me to ask you to go watch NOW? 😉

          • Livie1

            LOL, Raine I normally don’t drink before 9AM but perhaps I should make an exception in this case!! Sooo curious to see this mess now!!!

          • Raine Woman

            Fine, be that sober; but when you do watch, make sure to race back here and let me know your thoughts. 🙂

          • Livie1

            LMAO

          • Hi Live! Brace yourself. The outside is beautiful but the inside looks like the box of 64 Crayola colors threw up in there.

          • Livie1

            Hey Seuss! Just the photos here alone made my head hurt, I can’t fathom Dorinda actually LIKING this look! Box of Crayolas – lol, good one! In that teal room, the walls DO look like melted crayons now that you mention it!

          • Hey hon…..yep, simply horrid. The sweating walls has me confuddled. LOL!

          • Yes…..you summed it up perfectly…the interior screams cheap! I wonder if she consulted Party City decorator extraordinaire, Dina from RHONJ?

          • Dani-K

            ROFL!

          • side of Sour Cream

            Not to mention all the dead fish nailed to the walls in Luann’s room. What a NIGHTMARE. 🙁

          • MidwestMiddie

            lol

      • Livie1

        Oh no, I was hoping it was just the photographs.

      • DJ49

        I thought that room with the purple couches, red and gold throw pillows, and teal drapes looked like the parlor of a brothel.

  • RealitytvJunkie

    I agree, Dani-K. Heather needs to mind her business and leave Bethenny alone. You just don’t go up to random strangers and start talking about their most intimate details about their divorce and their custody battle with the child. I think Heather is intimidated that Bethany, one of the originals, is back.

  • Raine Woman

    All these women need to take a Xanax and calm down.

    Dani-K your recap was way better than the show….thanks!

    • Yes ma’am! All high strung bishes but Ramona does it the best. Her neurotic behavior use to irk me, but now I just crack up watching her crazy twitches.

      • Raine Woman

        Hi’ya Doc! I always try to channel you while watching and just laugh at their antics. Although I’ll admit, just once I would like to go to a dinner party like that…just once!

        Enjoy your day Doc!

    • Dani-K

      That’s the ultimate compliment Raine!

  • Raine Woman

    I’m staying clear of the Kristen discussion…..

    🙂

  • Livie1

    “…Dinner for Shmucks: Berkshire edition.” Dani-K, that was brillant – LMAO!!!

    • Dani-K

      Thank you! I almost didn’t put it in out of respect for the movie. LOL!

  • Awesome recap, Dani-K! Better than watching the show.

    O-M-G…..Heather is heartless!!!! Everyone has problems with their parents yes but not to the extent that Bethenny did. Heather is sickening to watch and always looks pissed off whenever Bethenny enters the room. Threatened much? Heather looks to pick a fight with Bethenny at every opportunity. Back off Heather…you’re barking up the wrong tree…Bethenny is a pittbull !!

    On a brighter note…..I’m really enjoying Dorinda. She’s smart and goes directly to the source if she has a problem. I respect her a lot for that. Dorinda strikes me as kind and humble who takes the time to know each cast member personally.

  • RonnieIsBack

    Great recap Dani!
    I have to watch and I will comment later, but it sounds like bitchfest 2015 is continuing….

  • beckywebb

    Great recap. I’m actually having trouble following such a large group. It’s like a book where you lose the plot because there’s too many characters.

    • Dani-K

      I agree! 8 is too many people. I think 2 should go.

  • DJ49

    Luann said that she has known Dorinda for years. I think that Dorinda was the inspiration for Luann’s song, “Money Can’t Buy You Class”. The décor in the Berkshire house is living proof of that.

    • Bwahahaha! This is brilliant. Thank you.

      • DJ49

        Thank YOU for recognizing my brilliance!

        • Ha! I like you! 🙂

          • DJ49

            Backatcha! I don’t think I’ve ever been on this site before. I’m not even sure how I wound up here tonight, but I’ll be back! I usually read the housewives recaps at Trash Talk TV and Vulture, but this is a good one too. The snarkier, the better!

          • Great…this site has a lot of fun, snarkalicious but respectful posters so please join in the fun. Bookmark the site. I look forward to seeing you around! 🙂

          • DJ49

            Thanks.

          • Dani-K

            Thanks! Please come back.