What a night! Part of me thought this would be a boring reunion show for the “Southern Charm” gang. When Andy Cohen doesn’t go to the city the show is filmed in, and instead has the castmates come to the clubhouse, that speaks volumes. Even Patricia Altschul found the forum undignified and didn’t attend. But the tension between Thomas and Kathryn was palpable, even with Andy sitting between them, so let’s get started.
Flashbacks are shown of a drunk Cameran at the election-results party. When Andy asks Cameran if she recalls the evening, Cameran admits she was too drunk and had to get a ride home from the production crew. She also admits that she loves her husband Jason and loves that he wants no part of reality television. Smart man!
When it comes to Cameran and Shep, for those who thought there was a possible love connection, they assure Andy their love is of the brotherly/sisterly kind. Cameran says the kind of woman Shep needs is one who will sit in the background, be secure and leave him alone. How about a blow up doll he can prop up in the corner? Perfect! When Andy asks Cameran who’d she rather – Craig or Shep – she refuses to answer without the aid of several cocktails.
Andy asks what’s up between mom’s and son’s in the south. Whitney is quick to respond. He explains this is how it is in the south and it’s not unhealthy, not at all. No way. It’s perfectly normal. Shep says that his mom is no longer picking out his clothes. So, yay! He can dress himself at the ripe age of 35!
Shep presents Andy with a “Craig’s List” of nine transgressions Craig has committed and calls him a “high-maintenance acquaintance.” Is Shep jealous of Craig? He says no, but admits to the two being extremely competitive. Case in point: the charity auction. Shep rationalized that the person who is auctioned off first raises more money. As you recall, Shep raised only $1,750 while Craig raised $5,001. Craig explained his game isn’t better than Shep’s, just different. Like the game, snipers (Craig) and crushers (Shep). A crusher will go home with anyone. Not to worry, Shep, most people think Craig is gay.
Whitney announces the he and LaRissa will be moving in together in Los Angeles. No word if they’ll have their own show. Kathryn mentions that LaRissa is younger than she is so the age difference shouldn’t bother Whitney. Whitney explains that he doesn’t care who Thomas “sticks it in” but if you’re going to run for public office others might care. Kathryn says Whitney just wants to control Thomas. And Craig says that it’s personal not political from Whitney. Thomas just grins, enjoying people fighting over him.
Andy brings up the “Raise the Roof” campaign commercial. Whitney and Thomas disagree about the origins of this bad idea that was supposed to be “ironic.” Kathryn says it’s not that she didn’t like the commercial, it’s that she didn’t like hearing about it from other people instead of Thomas. Craig says that if Thomas and Kathryn had a healthy relationship, because he knows so much on this topic, the commercial wouldn’t have bothered her. Andy asks Thomas why he didn’t acknowledge Kensington or Kathryn during the campaign, Thomas explains he was focused on the issues facing millions of families. With a straight face. He did admit to being done with politics and that he never really thought he would win the Senate race in the first place. There is more arguing between Thomas and Kathryn and the reunion show is quickly turning into the ThomKat show.
Moving on to the assault charges filed by Kathryn’s stylist, according to Thomas he simply shut the door and caught her hand. Thomas said he then went to bed and never asked the stylist to leave the house. The stylist filed the charges three days later, so feel free to form your own opinion. When Thomas accuses Kathryn of being in cahoots with her stylist, and she denies this, Landon asks Kathryn why the two are still hanging out together. Oh, no she did’ent! Kathryn says that she simply had her hair colored the other day by her, they aren’t hanging out. Andy speaks for all of America when he asks Kathryn why someone else in Charleston can’t color her hair.
Andy takes two minutes of interview time to talk with Landon about being the new girl and the poignant scene with her mom, but then returns the conversation to Kathryn and Thomas. Andy asks Kathryn about teling Landon to eff-off at the election-results party when she was really mad at Thomas and Whitney. Kathryn took the moment to apologize for her misdirected cross-fire of red fury. The good news is Landon doesn’t live on a boat anymore.
The update of Craig is that he’s back in Delaware living with his parents, studying for the bar. He plans to move back to Charleston when (and if) he passes the exam. Shep calls bullshit on Craig’s lip-service and says nothing has changed. Saint Kathryn proclaims that friends shouldn’t attack each other; they should support one another. Cameran thinks that Whitney and Shep are adults, but Craig isn’t quite there yet. Let’s face it, Whitney didn’t get there too long ago.
Finally Andy gets to the night on the beach in Jekyll Island. Craig and Kathryn are still sticking to their story of digging two separate holes and sticking their bodies into that to keep warm, even though they were only several blocks away from the hotel. They were lost, walking around until 6 or 7 in the morning. Kathryn needed to sleep so Craig stayed awake to fend off any white, wealthy people that happened by. What’s important is that Thomas doesn’t believe a hook-up took place between Kathryn and Craig.
In a shocking statement, Whitney (who actually has a decent haircut) accuses Kathryn of getting pregnant to secure her place on a reality show. Now, I’ve heard of this happening, but this isn’t “Teen Mom.” Shep points out that Thomas wanted a baby last season and they warned him what would happen if he had unprotected sex. Thomas is 50, by the way, and pleads mia culpa, admitting he should have taken the time to get to know Kathryn better.
And this is where it gets good. Kathryn tells Andy that Thomas isn’t supporting her emotionally or financially. Currently Kathryn and their daughter are living at her mom and dad’s house. When Thomas explains he’s offered the highest amount of support that South Carolina allows, $2,500, Andy is surprised this is a monthly amount. He makes a face and tells Thomas the amount seems kind of low. The Bickerson’s continue to fight over money, then Thomas tells Andy they’ve been kicked out of many hotels due to Kathryn’s yelling. Kathryn stands and calls Thomas a liar, threatening to leave. Andy tells Kathryn to sit down and they’ll just discuss the show. So much for that, Kathryn announces that Thomas slept with a lesbian and that’s why she was yelling in a hotel. Andy tries to cool things down, but Kathryn says she can’t wait to go to court to prove it. Thomas turns to Kathryn and says he will destroy her in court. There is venom in his voice and I, for one, believe him.
Cameran asks Kathryn if it’s so bad with Thomas, why does she keep going back. This is when Kathryn begins to break. She admits that she still cares about Thomas and Thomas says that he cares and doesn’t want to see Kathryn fail. Andy asks the Diane Sawyer question everyone wants to know: When was the last time these two hooked up? The answer: THREE WEEKS AGO! Andy smirks and says that he saw how Thomas was leering at Kathryn earlier and predicts they will hook up again tonight! Landon is in tears, and who can blame her, it’s just so darn twisted.
Mint juleps are brought out and Andy toasts to a charming future and wishes the cast well, but mostly peace to the citizens of Charleston for putting up with these people!