RECAP: Southern Charm “Dysfunction Junction” [Episode 11]

Posted on May 26 2015 - 10:14am by Dani-K

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It’s hard to believe, but here we are at the season finale of “Southern Charm,” y’all! Even more surprising, as each episode aired, this show became more and more interesting. Will there be a third season? Time will tell, so in the meantime, let’s get to the fun. We begin with Craig who for once wasn’t the drunk guy at the after-party calling Cameran to drive that point in, however, Cameran is too hungover to pick up the phone because she was the drunk girl at the after-party.

Thomas, feeling blue, heads over to JD’s house after his third place loss in the Senate election. JD is worried because his friend Thomas is not the same Thomas he has always known. With glassy eyes (tears? alcohol?) Thomas reflects on a time before the campaign and before Kathryn when he was full of hopeful bliss. JD says, “Well, you were just getting out of prison.” True words, JD. True words. But Thomas is serious this time. He wants to get the chaos out of his life so he’s going to talk with Kathryn, insinuating that Kathryn is the chaos and Thomas had nothing to do with it. But Thomas did love Kathryn’s physicality and red hair. And that’s all he mentions about what he loved.

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Landon is finally accomplishing something this season! She’s opening her pop up shop in a house she has rented. Shep comes over to help schlep the stuff Landon will sell with her sassy interior designer flare she inherited from her mother – a mother Landon still has not spoken with post divorce – until now. Landon has been dreading this visit all season long. And when Landon’s mom tells her, “You know how hard your divorce was on me?” I wanted to throw my remote at the television and scream, “It’s not about you.” But instead Landon says something to that effect and tells her mom she wasn’t properly prepared for the real world because life is not a beach club. Instead, Landon has learned that life is a biotch!

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Over at Patricia’s house she is lounging poolside with New York movers and shakers Billy and Brian, fundraiser extraordinaires who have just returned from a dinner to support Hilary Clinton. OMG! Democrats?! Please whisper that word while you are in Charleston. The trio is discussing Patricia’s upcoming event for the Wounded Warrior Project on the USS Yorktown. And to class up the charity event, Whitney’s band, Renob, will be the night’s entertainment. So this is how Whitney gets paid gigs. 

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Kathryn is meeting with Suzanne who runs the ‘Charleston Academy of Domestic Pursuits.’ She is trying to become the perfect homemaker and isn’t ready to give up yet on Thomas. Good thing Kathryn has learned what a parsnip is because that will come in handy in any marriage. Kathryn is also learning that cooking is the perfect time to think about her relationship. She tells her teacher/therapist/woman in need of a new hairstyle, that Thomas has made promises to her like a home, a car, and a chance at a relationship. Shut the front door! Is she saying that a politician hasn’t kept his promises? Say it ain’t so.

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We join Cameran who is involved in the domestic pursuit of laundry when her friend Leva stops by with flowers and donuts. The flowers represent Cameran as a “new wife” and the donuts represent the “old roommate” life. During their talk about Jason “letting” Cameran adopt a wounded dog, she admits to Leva that this is an attempt to delay having a baby. Cameran compares pregnancy to “having an alien inside me.”

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It’s time for the Wounded Warrior fundraising event on the ship and Shep and Craig are getting ready to be auctioned off for a date. Craig is decked out in severely bright red pants and Shep is dressed like he’s George Bush or something. At least he doesn’t look like a lollipop. Craig is up first. There is a bidding race and a country singer by the name of Kelsea Ballerini wins and pays $5,001 for the pleasure of Craig’s company. Shep is already jealous and worried and tells anyone in earshot that “she will be so underwhelmed.” Whereas a date with Shep would be like crème brulee to go. Shep needs to work on his analogies.

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When it’s Shep’s turn to be auctioned off they start the bidding at $1,750. Unfortunately, not one hand is raised. Finally, feeling truly embarrassed for her friend, Cameran raises her hand and is hoping someone will outbid her. No one does and the married Cameran has won a date with her friend. But it’s for a really good cause, y’all, and she has a really understanding husband, y’all. Craig thinks this is hilarious and payback for Shep being so “douchey” to him. Shep has a hissy fit in Craig’s face and Craig stomps off.

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Kathryn has arrived uninvited at the fundraiser wearing a full length fur coat to show Thomas what a mistake he’s made by dumping her via Facebook. And it works. When Thomas sees Kathryn his jaw drops. Whitney tries to break the chemistry that is overtaking Thomas’ willpower by informing Thomas of Kathryn and Craig’s night on the beach. Thomas doesn’t believe it and asks Kathryn if she wants to get out of there. Kathryn is unsure if Thomas is being “for real” and gives a bullet point lesson of the three L’s she will need to pursue their relationship: Love, Loyalty, and to be treated like a Lady. She forgot to add Thomas’ Loot.

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Thomas is not sure what he wants and suggests they continue to work on their relationship while they live apart…unless they want to spend the night together, then Thomas will make an exception. Kathryn says, “It’s either all in or all out.” Thomas calls her bluff and says they should work toward being friends. Thomas gets up to leave, shrugging off Kathryn’s grip on his arm. She runs after him screaming, and it’s a good thing they don’t bury people at the beach because her shrill of a voice could wake the dead. “THOMAAAAAAS!”

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What happens? We don’t know. Again I want to throw my remote at the TV. The show cuts to a “Two Weeks Later” shot of Craig packing his car to leave Charleston to go home and study for the bar. He is finally growing up. Sniff. Sniff.

Tune in next Monday for the reunion show. Hopefully we will have some answers.

 

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I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run. For more information, please visit me at:
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  • side of Sour Cream

    I think what Shep meant about the “creme brulee to go” is that they would skip dessert in order to go have sex, because Shep is so irresistible.

    & I agree, What a crummy ending to this great season! UGH! Bravo’s got some ‘splainin to do. :-/

    • Dani-K

      Did you think that Craig maybe arranged for someone to bid on him? I wouldn’t put it past him. Next week the reunion show is in the clubhouse. That says a lot. Not sure if there will be a season 3. Thanks for reading!

      • Guardian

        Thanks for the updates this season Dani. Since the reunion was in the clubhouse last year as well, I’m hoping there will be a season 3. By far, this is the “easiest” of the Bravo shows to watch IMO. Disappointed by this ending though – however, watching K in a bad faux fur and granny dress makes me think there is some justice in this world (look bad, sound bad).

      • side of Sour Cream

        I think Bravo was behind it–trying to manufacture some ire between Shep and Craig all season and it just isn’t believable.
        My feeling is that this cast is just too bright to be on a show like this. They’ve already figured Bravo out and won’t take the bait and actually embarrass themselves. Except for Katherine. LOL!

      • patfo49

        I read that a radio show put up the money for the bid. Don’t know if that is true.

  • Sophia Z.

    Poor Kathryn. I feel sorry for her despite the fact that she is completely unlikable. She’s too young to be on this show as she is highly immature and obviously not capable of making good life decisions. Shame on Bravo for giving an outlet for her at this immature point in her life.

    • patfo49

      Dear Lord! You must be a liberal who blames all of life’s issues on someone else! You would think someone held a gun to Kathryn’s head and forced her to participate She is a gold digger, whore and low class bitch! And that has nothing to do with age or maturity. I don’t care who she’s related to, her family obviously didn’t teach her values or class. She belongs in the gutter where Thomas left her. He belongs there as well!

      • Sophia Z.

        You must be new here??? We don’t take practice of using derogatory comments when describing one another on this website. (do your research) Your assumptions and attack prove your lack of intelligence. Since you made the choice to be nasty, I don’t really care about your opinion and it’s probably best to move along to someone who might find you tolerable because I don’t.

        • patfo49

          Really? Who are you? The blog police? I guess you have not read all the responses because what you are saying is absolutely not true!

          • Sophia Z.

            I’m sorry you are so highly emotional over this issue. I frankly couldn’t care less either way. I’m just sad that you are marring a wonderful place with your ugliness. Your lack of respect clearly illustrates to me how you feel about yourself.
            No. I’m not the blog police. But if you take the time to look at the responses on this website, you will clearly see that people here are nice and don’t behave in the manner you have, Einstein.

          • patfo49

            Read HoyesMiGente/ response about Thomas and everyone else before you accuse me!

          • Sophia Z.

            You’re the one that came on this site with accusations. And frankly, I don’t care to do anything that involves you so move along, troll.

          • patfo49

            Troll? Are you telling me I need your permission to post? Your self-importance is mind-blowing! Don’t worry I want absolutely nothing to do with you or this blog as long as you seem to be delusional and believe you are in charge! Good bye nut job!

          • Sophia Z.

            LMAO… you created an argument. Clearly you have control issues that only a professional counselor and medication that can help you. You have twisted my words around to fit your view in life which seems to be quite bleak. It’s funny how you did that. Your assumptions hurt you. Good luck with that.

          • Sophia Z.

            I just read some of your commentary on your Disqus profile. You seem to go through life fighting with people. I don’t consider myself the site police but I do think if you approached people with a nicer attitude, you would get more positive responses. I appreciate your opinion even though I don’t agree with you. There is reason for that as I watch other Bravo shows and know how they work. That is why I originally responded in that manner.

  • Babson_Chick

    Love this show and the witty fun cast and hate to see it end. Fastest hour ever IMO not like some of the HW’s (is it over yet?).

  • Kay

    What Cameron says about babies doesn’t quite make sense. Firstly, why would she refer to Kathryn’s situation. Unlike Kathryn Cameron is in supposedly harmonious relationship and married. So, there is no reason to compare the two situations.. Unless.. I don’t know if her marriage is really that perfect..

    Secondly, if you are above thirty and your body is not “aching” for a baby than it probably never will. However, if she doesn’t overthink it and just gets pregnant she’ll get in the proper state of mind eventually. Human physiology is there to help her. She might not believe it now, but those oxytocin levels do melt one’s heart and change the way you feel, think or act.. but that’s only true if you are really in love with your husband and your relationship is strong…

  • HoyesMiGente

    Get rid of every last one of them except Cameron. Drop Whitney down a deep well. Thomas is a worthless piece of human flotsam, with an ego that is as pathetic as it is delusional. A pox on all their houses.

  • patfo49

    OMG! I love your take on the show! Love, Loyalty, Lady and Thomas’ Loot! I love it!