Happy birthday Ramona! For she’s a jolly good fellow who’s throwing a luncheon for 30 of her closest friends, plus the housewives. When Heather says, “Hi, Mama!” to Bethenny, Bethenny is immediately annoyed. Ramona sympathizes and tells Bethenny she doesn’t understand that whole “Holla!” thing either.
Sonja has arrived and is speaking with a swami priestess about a daily hit of stabilized meditation to find her vortex of energy. And this is in addition to the psycho-pharmacologist she is also seeing. The two plan to light candles and talk more later.
Dorinda shares a story with Kristen, Heather and Carole over lunch about going back to an architect’s home late one night who had a shower in the middle of the room. The architect suggested they get crazy and get into the shower, but apparently Dorinda declined. No word on what John wanted to do, but I think we can guess. Heather says Dorinda runs with a racy crowd and Carole asks if she and John are swingers. Dorinda says no, she’s too competitive.
On the other end of the room, Sonja is telling Bethenny that their conversation in A.C. is spinning off into a whole new conversation. The swami priestess wants Sonja to go away to meditate and journal. Just what Sonja needs – another project! Sonja tells Bethenny not to worry, she’s got it under control. In the confessional, though, Sonja explains that her family history is nothing like Bethenny’s so Bethenny needs to stop projecting.
Bethenny sits with birthday girl, Ramona, and tells her they should get together soon to discuss their similar circumstances a.k.a. nasty divorces. Bethenny mentions Mario and Ramona doesn’t flinch like she usually does, but does inform Bethenny there will be no discussing Mario on her birthday. Ramona gives a toast about shit happening and girlfriends getting you through it all. Then Ramona cuts a piece of cake and places the entire knife into her mouth, eating the cake. Lets just say, Mario probably misses some things about Ramona.
It’s time for Bethenny’s therapy session. The discussion is on life’s transitions, her failed talk show and failed marriage. As Charles Dickens would say, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Bethenny isn’t ready to add any new bff’s or bf’s into her life right now. The doc tells her it’s not about trusting others, but trusting yourself. (Maybe this is who Sonja should see.) Bethenny announces her intentions to reconnect with her step-father, the only father figure she’s ever had, while in Miami. They haven’t seen each other in 20 years due to her being “attacked” by him and have only recently started speaking again. Bethenny wants to give her daughter roots and branches, positive and negative.
Get ready to rumble! Carole’s new sport is boxing after mixing testosterone supplements with boxing documentaries. But the only way to watch a match is from the front row. So that’s where Carole, Kristen, Luann and Ramona go sit. Kristen isn’t really into this fighting stuff. Or so she says. It’s as if Elvis has walked into the room because suddenly Kristen is yelling and cheering and throwing jabs in the air while the spit from the boxers hit her. Such fun.
They will meet Heather afterwards for drinks, but Bethenny couldn’t come out tonight because she has her daughter. In a private interview, Kristen says that she doesn’t want to judge, but… Anytime someone begins with this statement, here comes the judgment. Kristen doesn’t understand why Bethenny doesn’t make the effort to get a babysitter like she does, and Kristen has two kids. Umm, hello? Is anyone there, Kristen? You have your kids 100% of the time while Bethenny has her daughter 50% of the time. Do the math.
At the bar, Kristen orders mint tea and brings up the taboo subject of Adam. The table gets very quiet. He’s in Nicaragua with his ex, Luann’s niece, saving the world one honey jar at a time. Ramona asks Luann how she feels about this. When Luann describes Adam as “Sonja young” Carole is disgusted and shuts down the topic of Adam being “Sonja young.” Heather proclaims that this is the happiest she’s ever seen Carole, so this makes Heather very happy.
The others mumble something about wanting Carole to be happy, too and Carole concedes that she wishes Adam were 20 years younger. Oops. Freudian slip. She meant older. (But not really.)
Bethenny is in Miami for girls weekend with her high school friends. What Bethenny lacks in family, she makes up for in friends. Teri and Bethenny discuss her step-father, John, and the incredible dysfunction that ensued through her formative years. Having said that, Bethenny tells Teri that her divorce is ten times worse.
Back in NYC, Dorinda is there to work out with Ramona. Dorinda hasn’t worked out in two years and prefers shapewear and corsets. Ramona shares that she’s been going out a lot and has a date later tonight. She keeps repeating, “I’m dating now! I’m dating now!” Ramona thinks Dorinda’s boyfriend is crass and doesn’t truly care for her, but doesn’t tell Dorinda outright, though Dorinda knows. A flashback is shown of Ramona trying to avoid a kiss from John.
Bethenny and Luann meet up in Miami at an art show that Luann’s daughter Victoria is showing her work at. There are weird, naked people right when you walk in. There’s also a fully nude painting of Victoria that supports the no-waxing movement. But mom Luann is so proud that Victoria has turned into a decent human being, tears come to her eyes. It’s almost like Luann didn’t think it possible. They discuss Bethenny’s lack of effort to be with the other girls and that Bethenny should try a little harder when she doesn’t have her daughter. Bethenny agrees and then shoves a whole ice-cream sandwich into a clown’s mouth for three dollars, knocking off his red nose.
There’s a quick scene showing Carole staring at her computer screen, waiting for creativity to strike. Adam calls from Nicaragua and Carole is happy for the interruption. They joke and laugh, Facetime and Intagram, but Carole misses the weight of his body, apparently not so much the weight of his words.
Bethenny meets with her step-father John by the shore. John trains horses, just like Bethenny’s real father used to. And that’s how John and Bethenny’s mom met. Bethenny acknowledges that she wouldn’t be who she is today without her jacked up childhood filled with abuse, alcohol, and gambling, but she questions what kind of mother would do this to her child? John drops the bombshell that Bethenny’s mom never wanted a child.
For the first time ever I want to give Bethenny a hug, prickly thorns and all. Bethenny says she’s trying to make sense of it all, but John doesn’t understand this concept. He comes form the “get over it” generation. Bethenny starts speaking at a rapid fire pace, saying that she can’t have sex with a man or trust a man until then. John explains that to him Bethenny is attacking her past, not trying to understand it. They both agree that holding onto anger is like drinking a glass of poison everyday. Bethenny and John hug it out and as they walk away together, Bethenny seems hopeful that she’s one step closer to understanding it all.