There is a shocker on this week’s episode of “Southern Charm,” so pull up a rocking chair and your favorite beverage while I try to unspin this mess of a yarn for you. The Charleston gang is getting ready to go to Jekyll Island. This was an invitation by Landon because her father was raised there and it brings her lots of warm and fuzzy feelings. All of that will change by the end of the weekend, however.
Craig calls Whitney and asks for a ride, but Whitney lies and says he’s already an hour away from Charleston. He’s had his fill of Craig in Delaware and wants four hours of peace and quiet. Craig rides with Cameran and Shep, but tensions are mounting with Shep. He too has had his fill of Craig. Kathryn and her friend are also driving up and though she’s hopeful for a good time, she won’t hesitate to lay down the law with Whitney if he gives her any crap.
The gang gradually arrives at the very nice convalescence home, as depicted by Shep. The rooms are on a first-come, first-serv basis and Whitney has already come and served himself the best room. Shep and Craig are unappreciative that croquet matches and trolley tours are the highlight instead of chugging matches and bourbon tours. Cameran feels like she’s on vacation with her two bratty little boys. They have the bartender pour cocktails and go for a bike ride just as Kathryn and her friend arrive.
Feeling a little neglected by the sudden departure of everyone, Kathryn offers her nemesis a ride to the beach. Whitney, who would rather be tarred and feathered by Thomas, declines. Craig is leading the others to the beach, but is going the wrong way. Everyone gets mad at Craig, especially Shep, who then leads the gang in the other wrong way. No word why Landon just didn’t’ lead the way since she supposedly spent her summers here. Running out of energy and alcohol, the gang gives up on going to the beach and head back to the hotel.
Finally we get to see T-Rav! He’s campaigning at the Gay Pride Parade in Columbia, SC, as he shares his support for equal rights for everyone, no matter the sexual orientation. If there was ever an event where he could have and should have brought his baby and baby mama, this was it. #missedoppurtunity
JD, Elizabeth and Cooper arrive on the island to join the fun. As Landon puts out the place cards for dinner, Cooper informs her that the most honored guest should be placed to Kathryn’s immediate right. Side note: Is it me or haven’t we learned so much on this topic this season? Currently, Craig is in that spot, but he’s quickly banished to other end of the table and replaced by Cooper.
Shep is making fun of Craig’s voice, his untucked shirt, and won’t let him complete the toast. The gang get’s on Shep for his continual interruptions so he stops, but after hearing Craig’s toast, Shep should have continued. It went something like this. “Well, this doesn’t exactly beat a party with a wet-t-shirt contest, but it’s okay too.” Kathryn compliments Craig on his speech and they have a bonding moment. Then Kathryn tells Shep that she’s not allowed on the campaign trail with Thomas and cannot wait for the election to be over. JD gets the “most honest award” by saying that politics bring out the worst in people.
Craig tries to say something nice about Kathryn’s support of Thomas, but Whitney shuts him down. The gang is ready for a change of scenery so off they go to a patio and sit in the rocking chairs. Kathryn hasn’t joined them yet so it’s the perfect time to talk behind her back. The friend that came with her explains that Kathryn was really looking forward to seeing if she could fit in without Thomas by her side. The short answer is no, she can’t.
For some reason, Craig is trying to mediate on Kathryn’s behalf, and wants to know what they can all do to make tomorrow a better day for Kathryn. Whitney calls bullsh*t on Craig’s concern, saying he is disingenuous because not too long ago he was leading the “We don’t like Kathryn” parade. Craig explains the difference now is the baby.
Just as Craig tells Whitney that nobody talks to Kathryn unless they are sleeping with her, Kathryn walks up, ready for attack, swords aimed at Whitney. The sparring match begins when Whitney tells Kathryn to relax, something a man should never say to a woman, and Kathryn tells him to go home and take some lessons from his mother (Point 1). Whitney tells her to go to bed. Kathryn then tells Whitney to go fall on a knife (Point 2).
Kathryn still has pent up anger from when Whitney took Thomas to a strip club when she was nine months pregnant. Kathryn says her good heart trumps Whitney’s money. Whitney tells Kathryn that her heart has a black space with a dollar sign (Point 1). I really expected Kathryn to toss a drink in his face, but unfortunately she wasn’t holding one. Whitney tells Kathryn that she should be home with Thomas and the baby (Point 2). The sparring match is a tie. Kathryn runs off and Craig follows.
The sun rises, and with the arrival of Danni, we learn that Craig and Kathryn slept on the beach together. The story Craig’s selling is that the golf cart “broke down.” It’s so original it must be true. Apparently, it was cold, so Craig had to dig a hole while they were forced to hold each other to create body heat. I mean, why walk back the five blocks when you can sleep in the sand?
As the gang play croquet and gossip about Craig and Kathryn, Cameran’s phone dings with a message. Just when you think things can’t get any worse, they do. Assault charges have been filed against the T-Rav by Kathryn’s best friend for slamming a door on her knee.
Allegedly T-Rav fell into the swimming pool with the baby in his arms just prior to this, then told his best friend to leave while stark naked and screaming. Such a pity he didn’t win.
Tune in next week when learn the spin that is put on this ball of yarn.