Real Housewives of New York Recap: “Mind Your Own Business” [Episode 5]

Posted on May 6 2015 - 4:34am by Dani-K

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Everywhere in Manhattan you can find ladies who lunch, but Bethenny and Sonja have a specific sort of style when they lunch on the “Real Housewives of New York.” They are there to discuss Sonja’s international brand that Bethenny has re-branded as “accessible luxury.” She recommends that Sonja simplify. Sonja doesn’t agree, she wants the fashion, the jewelry, the perfume. Problem is, Sonja is still on the hook for a $7 million judgment and needs to get something, anything going soon.

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But the subject switches to Bethenny’s advice that Sonja not date anyone since she is in a “fragile state” unless they are totally fun and someone Sonja can just have sex with. Sonja totally agrees because sometimes a girl just wants to get pounded. Bethenny also agrees and throws in sometimes a girl just wants to get shitfaced. Of course, sometimes a girl just wants both and wakes up in the morning with a boytoy. Sonja gives new meaning to the word swallow – and we aren’t talking about the food. Just bring your black cards, gentlemen!

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Over on Madison Avenue, Dorinda and Luann are getting their pedicures on. They discuss Dorinda’s boyfriend John at the boutique, again. Hard to believe, but when he and Dorinda first met, John was quite the ladies’ man. Dorinda told him to rip up his little black book or she would. Dorinda said, “When vaginas are involved with men there can always be slip ups and I don’t like slip ups.” Dorinda thinks this makes her territorial; Luann thinks this makes her insecure. The world is a scarier place to Dorinda after her husband Richard died. They also discuss Bethenny’s intenseness, Heather’s mutually strong presence, and that everyone can’t be invited to everything.

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Carole and Kristen meet for appetizers and drinks and because Carole is dying to kiss and tell about her boytoy, Adam. She says they are practically living together. Kristen says, “Shut up!” But Carole won’t. She tells Kristen that she still hasn’t told Luann about the conscious coupling. Carole explains that Luann invited her to dinner the other night, prepared by her personal chef, but Carole declined. Too awkward. She plans on telling Luann eventually. In the meantime, Carole told Kristen to order that third drink so she can take advantage of her. That Carole sure does get around.

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Sonja invites Ramona over to the townhome to discuss her birthday party. This will be Ramona’s first birthday without Mario. A trip to Atlantic City is in the works so they can dance and gamble the night away. When Ramona mentions inviting the other girls, Sonja cautions her that some of them have been knocking her, so choose selectively. They call Carole and Dorinda who are both in.

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Back with Dorinda at her place, she and Hannah discuss books, something rarely witnessed on RHONY unless written by one of the housewives. Dorinda talks about the cocktail party she is throwing. Bethenny can’t attend and her short text message disappoints Dorinda because she sent a nice long text. Dorinda concludes that Bethenny is like a onion – she has layers – and let’s not forget she simply doesn’t work with everyone’s digestive system. Dorinda is concerned with Ramona and John; Ramona has not taken to John yet. (Nor has the rest of America). Hannah gets this. She advises her mom not to control people, even if John is totally annoying and inappropriate.

There is a small blip about Kristen and her new fashion blog. Is she making enough money to pay the bills? No, but she’s good enough, she’s smart enough, and doggone it, people like her. Especially when she gets undressed on the sidewalk on a busy street multiple times to change outfits. Then they really, really like her.

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Sonja has invited Bethenny to her fashion presentation. Sonja has a huge team, some who need subtitles. The plan is to launch by Summer 2015 and Bethenny feels this timeline is too aggressive. She asks what retailers have placed orders. This is top secret information. They are in talks and cannot talk about the talks. And by the way, Bethenny, what do you know about the apparel business? I was waiting for Bethenny to pounce on this “intern” of Sonja’s and was disappointed when it didn’t happen. Sonja’s people have top sales people and connections with other people. Bethenny is just worried that this might be like the toaster that never was. Don’t worry, Sonja has a sexy novel and a fashion award. What could possibly go wrong?

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Dorinda is setting up for the cocktail party, looking very nice in her rose-gold dress and John looks somewhat okay in his purple shirt and jacket. Ramona arrives feeling underdressed because she thought it was a different kind of cocktail party? Kristen and Josh arrive (and don’t fight) Heather and Jonathan arrive (and don’t talk), and Sonja and her boytoy arrive. Luann is surprised that Sonja’s one-night stand has turned into a three-night stand.

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Heather brings up the fashion presentation to Sonja and says that Bethenny was confused as to why Sonja didn’t invite her. Luann also wonders why she wasn’t invited. Sonja starts getting loud and proclaims they are not supportive and they are making it about themselves, when clearly it’s about Sonja. Ramona, Kristen, and Dorinda move to a different table because they can’t take Sonja’s squeaky voice, comparing her to a cornered animal. Heather gives Sonja one sentence: I would love to see all the things your are doing. Sonja basically tells Heather she can come by the office a week from never.

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Carole arrives having missed all the fun with Sonja, so starts some fun with Luann. They sit down together in a both and it turns out, Luann already knows about Carole and Adam. Adam called his ex-girlfriend earlier that day and told her and she called her Aunt Luann to tell her. This is a problem for Luann who didn’t realize that Carole and Adam had moved from A to F in the alphabet. Here’s the caveat, Adam will be leaving soon for Nicaragua with the ex-girlfriend. Not to worry, before long they’ll be at Z.

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Here are some of the chaotic goings-on at the cocktail party: Heather reminisces to Kristen about what a bitch Bethenny is. Sonja’s date is hanging outside with her intern. Ramona is complaining that Sonja is ignoring her. Sonja is complaining about Heather. Everyone thinks Ramona got her boobs done. Dorinda helps broker peace between Sonja and Ramona. The other girls think Sonja is whack. Kristen recommends to Ramona that she date a boytoy. Ramona says no way, she’s much deeper than that. How deep? About a handful!

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By the end of the party, John has his hands all over Sonja and she doesn’t seem to mind. Next his hands are all over Kristen who just laughs and laughs. John is such a fun guy…for a guy who makes indecent advances to women who aren’t his girlfriend and are with other men. Dorinda is ready to go and doesn’t want to kiss John. And who could blame her!

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Tune in next week when the ladies party in Atlantic City to see if they gamble away their loyalty, integrity, and responsibility.

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I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run. For more information, please visit me at:
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  • cait

    John, UUURRRGGH ! Why do these female idiots allow themselves to be degraded ?

    • RonnieIsBack

      his bear paws were all over them….and Sonja seemed to enjoy it…I guess it is the free drycleaning….ain’t cheap in NY…

      • Dani-K

        Ronnie you are too funny!

  • TartLemon

    Bethenny, Heather, Ramona and Josh Taekman are all very successful business people. Each of them have offered (free) verbatim business advice to Sonja who refuses to LISTEN.

    It doesn’t matter what the product is. Business is business is business.

    • Guardian

      And Sonja is Sonja is Sonja and she will never listen.

    • Susan Thorne Zavagli

      Heather did all that work for zip and Sonja didn’t appreciate one ounce of it……if she had listened to Heather maybe her Toaster disaster would have made to the shelves

  • Guardian

    Thanks Dani – as per usual, your recap is better than the episode which I watched in two parts as there was other programming far more entertaining – like the Weather Channel. The standout of the night for me though goes to Sonja. Her um, global team? The clandestine nature of her, ahem, business? And the class to toast(er oven) another disaster with champagne? Still the reigning Queen of Idiots.

    • Dani-K

      Thanks Guardian! I love Sonja, but I worry for her.

      • Guardian

        I want to like Sonja but her delusional stupidity drives me crazy. Noticed in an upcoming trailer that it appears The B is trying to talk some sense into her as in, “You need help.” – the professional kind, not the rag tag bunch she is launching her venture with. Time will tell but I won’t bet on it.

        • Dani-K

          I can not wait until next week to see what happens! Is it a personal intervention or a business intervention?

          • Guardian

            It looked personal to me. Can’t imagine that The B has contacts in the clothing biz that would want to jump onboard the sinking SSSonja. Until Sonja gets real she will continue to lose whatever money she makes. Pretty sure one (or more) or her biz partners is mentally measuring for drapes when they meet at her home.

          • Susan Thorne Zavagli

            I don’t think it’s about business

          • Guardian

            I caught the tail end of a re-run of this episode last night where they show this as upcoming – pretty sure it isn’t biz related. Also, judging from the way Sonja was looking at B, think she was ignoring it and/or preparing some lame reply. Can’t kill a man born to hang – metaphorically speaking Susan.

    • DJ49

      My favorite part was when that girl at the meeting told Bethenny that they had a warehouse that was a hundred and something square feet. That’s smaller than my family room! I guess she was talking about Sonja’s closet.

  • Thanks for another great recap, Dani-K. Dorinda is just awful and so is her childish daughter. I think it’s foolish how a grown adult child is running her life. The whole situation is ridic.

    • TartLemon

      Supposedly, Dorinda is big time into the NY society/charity scene, attending all the ‘it’ parties/balls/galas/fetes. I was anxious to see that stuff, but the daughter and boyfriend John thing is really off-putting.

      • I can see her being in those social circles but like you I can’t get past the daughter and John.

      • Guardian

        Me too – anything but this intro.

    • RonnieIsBack

      I like their dynamic but I think the daughter has too much mouth also (and that red lip must go – too harsh)…she need to stay in her place. That will be Tre and Gia in a few years…#NotCute

      • Guardian

        Also needs to tone it down with the eyebrow pencil.

        • DJ49

          I think she must use a black Sharpie.

      • DJ49

        Maybe the rep lips were a homework assignment for Clown School.

    • Sophia Z.

      I agree. I don’t like Dorito. She’s boring and that man she is with… ick!

  • RonnieIsBack

    Great recap Dani!
    John is just sleazy..he and Carole should get together
    Carole is a straight up bish…she stole candy from that dumb azz baby chef when she KNEW he was still talking to the ex-girlfriend and planning a trip with her…He ran and told her about Carole…just tacky. I see why Lu is mad. Too close to home for sure
    Methenny makes my head hurts…she really thought she could ride in and save the day for Sonja..Sonja is a wack-a-doodle and living in her own world…Zuckerberg, Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, etc. could all send her a personal full proof business plan and she wouldn’t take heed…she would rather drink and shop…#MissHavisham
    Dorinda is funny but her daughter with that harsh red lipstick….no ma’am..and I like their dynamic..but I think the daughter is trying too hard for tv…IJS
    Ramona..poor Ramona..still missing Mario and teling herself she is fabulous and the young pup was looking like “dayum where can I get a cab and get the hell outta here.”

    • Dani-K

      I almost feel like Bravo told these women that if they didn’t amp it up the show would be cancelled (or recast) because everyone seems to be trying too hard. Except Dorinda. She’s new so can’t hold anything against her.

      • Guardian

        Once again, I think you have hit the nail on the head. I think they brought in “The B” as a ringer too – though its early, not working IMO.

      • RonnieIsBack

        You know they did…

    • pixntrix

      Roflmao…love the comment Ronnie!

      • RonnieIsBack

        Thanks…they drive me nutz

  • Norrth

    Awesome recap. I don’t understand how the people who branded Sonja delusional are upset that she’s not sharing her plans with them. what the heck?

  • WaWaWaWHAT!

    This site captures the BEST pictures! Great recap!

  • Ilivehereandlikeit

    Slightly OT: I hate LuAnn’s humongous gold clanger-thingie necklace in the one photo where’s she’s wearing the bright red dress. Just needed to say that!

    • RonnieIsBack

      Aww that was my fav piece…the three gold disc…stunning! I love her statement necklaces…she was wearing them before they were cool…

      • Ilivehereandlikeit

        Maybe in real life or on film Ronnie, I didn’t watch the actual show! I’ll concede if you saw it in context of the show and thought it looked stunning 🙂

        But in the photo here on ATTT, to me it looks like something I would have made in first grade for my mom out of string, paper clips and little paper coasters spray painted gold – lol!! (Paper dessert plates if no disposable coasters were available.)

    • Susan Thorne Zavagli

      Luann wears the worst jewelry

  • cait

    That sweaty, grunting, grinding hog known as John makes that non-sweaty, non-grunting, mostly grinding pig known as George look classier, but not by much ! !

    • equinox2009

      Oh my word, he is a grunting pig. He makes me queasy. He is so greasy looking! Yuck

      • Dani-K

        I thought I might have been too hard on John, but nice to know that I’m saying what everyone else is thinking. I like Dorinda and think she can do so much better. But at least he’s age appropriate. lol.

        • equinox2009

          I too like Dorinda, she’s a pistol! She adds a lot to the show. Sonja just makes me nuts!

    • Susan Thorne Zavagli

      he is repulsive…..no wonder her daughter can’t stand him

      • DJ49

        He’ll never be as repulsive as George. He made me physically ill.

    • DJ49

      At least John hasn’t asked anyone if they have squirting orgasms. George is far more repulsive.

      • cait

        Having seen, and read, a little bit more about John, as I am very new to BH, he doesn’t seem such a bad guy ! Maybe those slutty women wanted to make him look sleazy ! I’ll keep watching ! George is a worm ! Is he still married to his child bride ?

        • DJ49

          As far as I know, George is still married. I can’t find any recent news to the contrary.

          • Chloe

            George is a old perverted fart. So happy no more of him.

          • DJ49

            What?!?!? Orange skin and horse teeth don’t turn you on?

          • Chloe

            Shocking right? Neither does raisins and dingleberries but I’m such a picky gal.

  • TheBeverlyHillsHaveEyes

    The fact that Carole told everyone but LuAnn kinda proves she knows she was out of line. And refusing a dinner invitation because of it and then telling Kristen is making a fool out of LuAnn too, I don’t blame her for being annoyed about this.
    Finding it really hard to watch now Bethenny is back – it’s like she has waltzed back in thinking she is God and her word is gospel. I’ve always found the likes of Ramona and Sonja to be very rude and unmannerly but Bethenny really has them beat now. She is a monster.

  • DJ49

    “A week from never”. I’m gonna find a way to use that somehow!