It’s “Secret’s Revealed night,” on “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,” that tired attempt by Bravo to pull together cutting room floor remnants, in order to extend a season most are ready to be done with.
The hottest unrevealed tea proved to be what went down between Lisa Rinna and Kim Richards when the threatening texts sent from Lisa to Kim were first thrashed out. Bravo chose to save the whole juicy incident to up the reunion hysteria, and now is rewinding, allowing the viewers see the back story. Lisa and Kim meet in a place that appears perfect for a murder, body dumping, or maybe just a classic drug deal, as the pair sits down to discuss the terrifying ‘texis.’
Kim is developing a Jersey slang, or veering into some reflexive slurring, as she explains that these messages completely, thoroughly, and utterly concern her. Kim breaks down the deep and dastardly dynamic of someone daring to call her out on her junkie deflecting, as Lisa sits patiently nodding, and occasionally blinking. Lisa felt injustice at Kim’s rage against her husband in Amsterdam, and admits to that incident being the core of why she is furiously acted out. Kim vetoes her emotional assessment and disallows it, because this whole honesty thing just doesn’t cut it.
Kim blathers on about going not backwards, then abruptly decides that they’re good again, as long as Lisa promises to cut the scary texis, and not ring her wrinkly neck. Lisa tries to share her frustration at not being heard, but Kim cuts her off, and tromps off to jump a barricade, and make a poetic exit into the woods. They yell parting shots at each other, with Lisa getting in the last jab, commenting that one fine day someone will hold Kim Richards accountable for her behavior…hopefully Kim herself…or maybe a cop with a sore shin.
The show takes a lighter turn when we learn of Kim’s penchant for emojis. They drive Brandi cray cray, but Kim loves them, because what more endearing way to articulate that her life is a full plate of overwhelming stress, than reminding her friends that she hearts turtles? That’s just Kim, after all. Kim doesn’t care what anyone thinks…and Brandi and Kingsley love her for it. Kim Richards’ life has taken a dramatic turn since those carefree days of barricade jumping in sketchy locales. I wonder how many ‘vavooomshabang’ greetings her best gal pal is getting these days?
I could bore you with naked Rinna photos, Portia’s speech struggles, Eileen’s Emmy memories, and Yolanda’s bazillion dollar downsizing, but I will spare you all the snoozy descriptions. I would have preferred that most of these ‘secrets’ stayed as such, because as we all know, the real tea has been spilled, and Bravo had nothing to do with it.