Hello Tea Drinkers – Ronnie Is Back! Thanks for all your prayers. All we can do it press forward, continue praying and get our cups ready for “Real Housewives of Atlanta” tea so Let’s go!
We begin with the Neenster and
the Butler Gregg, walking in New York onto the stage just to it all in. Ahhh. NeNe feels she has truly arrived, once again, and Gregg feels like CinderFELLA. Yes, you are Gregg and be sure to sweep the cinders, darn the socks and continue to carry NeNe’s bags and ego or else. Cinderfella, Cinderfella!
Kenya with Chanel bag and liquid leather leggings are meeting with her audio engineer to fine tune her self-written, directed and produced pilot “Life Twirls On.” Girlfriend has been in boss mode and it’s all coming together. She has a lot of fun takes with her voice overs as Brandon, her BFF looks on with pride. Kenya mentions that she is aware NeNe has her Broadway debut as Madame in Cinderella. She is also aware that although NeNe invited them all and promised them tickets to the show, they never received the tickets. Yeah, the Detroit Public Schools system is familiar with that feeling also Kenya. #PromisesPromises. Kenya is going to make up for NeNe’s *cough* oversight *cough* by inviting the ladies to a screening of her pilot, “Life Twirls On.”
Peter and Cynthia are doing a final walk through of the old BarOne. They have a new location. Peter decides to spring it on Cynthia that he has also has a new business venture. He leased a spot for $1200 a month which will feature his new coffee line, “Peter’s Brew.” Cynthia is not impressed and feels that Peter needed to focus on the new BarOne without the distraction of barrister business. Just when we think we are about to see a Coming to Jeezus explosion, the phone rings and “you have a collect call from Apollo Nida.” During this short phone call, Apollo uses this time to let us know that Phaedra has not brought the kids to see him in six weeks. He has seen his brother four times.
Peter isn’t happy about that situation and tosses salt into Apollo’s prison wounds to let him know Phaedra has filed for divorce. Apollo says he already knows because he received an email from Phaedra and information from the chain gang underground railroad. Apollo asks if they could talk to Phaedra. Cynthia feels they should just mind their business. I agree. The call is disconnected ala prison policy. Peter and Cynthia take a last selfie in front of a picture of Cynthia channeling Foxy Brown with a massive moisturized afro. Cheese!
Meanwhile, Bravo presents the fabulous juxtaposition of Phaedra playing Southern Betty Crocker baking cookies with her boys. She says she isn’t too keen on taking them to see their father because prisons don’t have nurseries. The Horror.
Todd and Kandi are preparing to go to the official housewarming party of Mama Joyce. Kandi is trying to decide what outfit to wear and Todd is gulping down liquid courage from a red cup. Todd says he will always feel resentful towards Mama Joyce until she apologizes for what she said about his parents. He then asks if they are going to bring something to the housewarming. Kandi retorts she bought the house so she should get free food for a lifetime #KeepItTackyKandi. The family drives up the road and Todd runs over a lawn light. Riley let’s Todd know that her grandmother already doesn’t like him #DisrespectulAsUsual. Todd shades back that Kandi paid for that lawn light fixture so he’s covered. Everyone is getting ready to chow down. The family members are wearing their comfy clothes and Mama Joyce is wearing her resting bitchy face. At the dinner table, Todd asks who cooked the food #NotSoSubtleShade. Aunt Bertha says she did. Later, Mama Joyce says she slaved away cooking.
Before Todd could throw Mama Joyce under the bus, she begins with her apology sprinkled with an excuse to Todd about the things she said about his dearly departed mother, Sharon. She tells him that she was repeating what she heard, but that was wrong regardless and she is sorry – all in monotone. Kandi feels the extreme awkwardness and shouts “group hug.” Everyone hugs except Mama Joyce and Todd. Todd says in his talking head that the apology was basically bullsh*t/insincere and he is still angry.
Todd says they have a lot of work to do #CallingHisLawyerRegardingOptions. Kandi also announces that Todd’s show was picked up for a second season (Hollywood Divas) and they will be going to L.A. for two months. Riley announces, as Mama Joyce looks on like the Godfather, that she isn’t going because her education is important #HouseOfCards.
It is morning of NeNe’s Brawwway debut. She arrives at the stage door and Gregg is carrying flowers she received from her realtor wishing her the best. NeNe admits that none of the ladies called her (even though she probably would have ignored their calls) and Phaedra only sent a text. Ouch. She also admits that yes, she invited them to see her on Broadway but because they didn’t follow up with her about tickets that she promised to give them, too bad because she didn’t want them to come anyway #DetroitPublicSchoolTheSequel. Cinderfella (Gregg) does his best to console and keep the star happy.
Porsha, wearing a cat suit and puffy boots, visits Phaedra and her sons. Phaedra shades Porsha in her talking head referring to Porsha again as a Thot #ThisIsNotACompliment. Phaedra’s boys are playing with sabers and swords, which Porsha pronounces swwwwword (the “w” is silent, gurl). Phaedra says they are slaying hoes and thots #Wait4It. Porsha doesn’t catch the dirt thrown but continues to laugh about slaying hoes and thots. Yes, slaying thots that Phaedra has proudly crowned Porsha, the queen of the land of Thotville. #IJustCan’t
Backstage before the show, NeNe gets a visit from the stage director. He wants to make absolutely sure for the 10000000th time NeNe says the lines as is and correctly. There is no Bama in Madam. She will pull it together because folks are paying ya know $137 to see her, ahem, “Cinderella.” The show must go on! After the first performance NeNe is recognized by the cast as making her debut and she receives applause. She also receives her fans back stage and signs autographs and takes pictures. She wishes she knew a word larger than proud because she feels she is the real Cinderella. I know a word – Grateful. Please remember that and stay humble. Please.
Back in Atlanta the women were all invited to a mansion, equipped with wedding decorations, an opera singer, a harpist, dancers and gift bags with drinks named after them for the screening of “Life Twirls On.” All the ladies show up, even Porsha and Phaedra, dressed to the nines and they oooh and ahh while dodging rice tossed at them as they enter the mansion. The bartender gives them their drinks named appropriately: Claudia (Hammertime), Cynthia (Rum on the Rocks), Porsha (Flatlined), Kandi (Kandi Coated Drop) and Phaedra (Southern Cocoa) #Wait4It. Phaedra, takes this opportunity to tell Kandi, who missed the Save our Sons event due to fertility appointments, that NeNe flew all the way from New York to come to the event the day before her Broadway debut #Shade. Kandi doesn’t seem too impressed, but would rather talk about the drama that occurred at Phaedra’s event. I am glad they didn’t give in to the messiness. Kenya arrives in full wedding regalia and takes the ladies to the theater room, with lush leather chairs and gourmet popcorn. The queen of Thotville, Porsha, throws shade in her talking head by saying this looks like this isn’t going to be good. WTF? Surprisingly the pilot was well received by the ladies.
They finish the evening in the photo booth with props and took a lot of fun silly pictures with each other.
Bravo season end follow-ups:
- NeNe: is auditioning for pilots and she recently purchased her first home – a $2.1 million dollar home Georgia. Congrats!
- Cynthia: she and Peter are still working on the opening of BarOne’s newest location. Peter’s Brew is now available for all to enjoy.
- Kandi: she has not gone to L.A. with Todd. She is receiving fertility treatments. They celebrated their 1 year’s anniversary. Whew.
- Claudia: She still works on the Rickey Smiley show. She is also honing her comedic craft in hopes of being a standup comedian. She still has hammer toes.
- Kenya: She is shopping her pilot to the networks. She also has a new real love courtesy of the Millionaire Matchmaker and is twirling on. Moore Hair care coming soon.
- Phaedra: is raising her children and decided not to tell Bravo a damn thing about her plans for divorce or visits to the prison #FinalShade.
Next week is the reunion where all the ladies wear white but still managed to sling mud without blinking. Stay tuned.