We find ourselves back at the dramatically spectacular blowout between Brandi, Kyle, and the only half aware Kim, as The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills marches on this week. Kyle has just told Kim to f**k off, because Kim won’t say the same to Brandi, which inspires a breathy reenactment in Kim’s talking head. She struggles to presumably hold back tears, or to struggle to recall what that question was again, I can’t tell which. Brandi cannot understand WHY Kim wants to stay at the party after her mouthy sister told her off, because every time she decides to screech f**k off at anyone, they stomp off in revulsion, no problem. Brandi keeps it classy by threatening to punch Kyle in the face, while Kyle and Kim sob in different corners. Mark the loyal roommate hairstylist convinces Kim to vamoose, while Kyle and Kim squeak out their sob stories to anyone who will listen. Queen Lisa tries to comfort Kyle, and reminds her of Brandi’s pattern of turning on her cast mates, which brings a ditty not heard since last season, the classic, “it’s not ABOUT YOUUUU” from the sniffling Kyle.
Queen Lisa and Kyle determine that they have both been stupid about Brandi, and that she is surely not a good influence on Kim. Kim just doesn’t understand her sister or even exactly where she is right now. Lisa Rinna comes thorough like a champ, and bravely nails Kim as an addict, while Queen Lisa and Eileen look at each other in marvel over the gutsy commentary. Eileen asserts that you can be a sober addict, but that Kim sure as heck isn’t one of those. Lisa continues to knock it out of the park by commenting that this is a freaking weird franchise, they are all a bunch of enabling ninnies, and wonders why in the world these women haven’t called out this hot mess by now. Careening Kim is SCARY, but Lisa believes that they all need to quit being big clucks and call a junkie a junkie. I agree and nominate Lisa for her third Emmy of the season.
Oh JOY, it’s time for Brandi’s podcast, and the highlight of the dialogue is learning that guest Heather McDonald never slept with Joe Francis. We meet up with the rest of the women minus Yo, who are hitting the Burbank Film Festival, where Eileen has a role in a movie. Lisa Rinna keeps her addiction radar sharp, and nails Brandi as addict #2, and is scared of inviting the wrath of Brandi’s brand of unfiltered crazy. Kyle thinks that Brandi’s angry, Lisa V believes that she doesn’t want anyone else to be happy, and Eileen surmises that the behavior is paying off (Hello… Bravo!).
We hop back to the podcast of trash, where Brandi amps up the unfiltered fun by passionately defending herself for being peeved at a popsicle melting in her underwear drawer. The others arrive at the film festival, which Eileen labels as kitschy mall fun, with Kyle just hoping that no one sees her somewhere so lame. They buy hotdogs and watch Eileen’s movie, which brings dropped jaws, bugged eyes, and confused giggles…but everyone is just relived that it isn’t porn.
It’s yoga time at Yo’s, and Brandi arrives, as we are clued in that Kyle blathered the whole Brandi altercation story to Yo the day before. Brandi wants Kyle to move to Colorado, or just make it easy and catch ebola overseas.
We jump to Queen Lisa and Pandora at a market, admiring their newly released restaurant recipe sangria, while Lisainforms Pandora of Max’s desire to research his roots. Pandora gets upset, but Lisa remains optimistic that Max might not want anther family in the picture.
Back at Yolanda’s, Yo reminds Brandi that people say that she’s an angry drunk, and Brandi responds by throwing a tantrum and having another drink. Brandi clarifies her side of the incident to Yolanda, and throws in a shockingly unexpected nugget of info, namely that she was sober during the altercation in question. Brandi claims that Kyle was the lush this time, albeit an awesomely articulate one. Yo decides that instead of a high five, she would challenge Brandi on the other countless incidents where she was tanked, and acting like a complete alkie a**hole to anyone in her path.
Brandi insists that there’s “no shame in her game” (where can we buy her some of that?), and that she’s just a regular a**hole, not an alkie one. After all, how could she translate her gross thoughts into words for her podcast, and be a hot mess of an addict at the same time? Yo believes that Brandi needs to start accepting severely delayed responsibility for her actions, and that she just can’t continue to hang out with a drunk, while leading her daughters to be the polar opposite. Brandi morphs into her trademark a**hole self, and equates her constant falling down drunkenness with Bella’s DUI whoopsie. Yo is shocked that Brandi would turn on her, like she has on every single sober housewife on this franchise. Brandi insists that it is not an attack, and really doesn’t care what people think, but Yo is having a non-Lyme brain day, and warns her that her gutter standards will likely come back on her children.
Lisa R chimes in and lets us know that keeping teens off sex, drugs, and snottiness in LA is a full time job, and not allowing her daughters to become a**holes like Brandi is her life goal as a mother.
Over at Vanderpump Central Max shows up, smelling of booze, which he thinks is fine considering his mom smelled like booze the whole time he was growing up. Max has discovered his birth name and some background details of his heritage, and informs his mum that he doesn’t care to meet his birth mother, which brings a smile to Lisa’s face.
We meet up with Eileen, who is having lunch with Kyle and Kim, to share her perspective as a woman who has recently lost two of her sisters. Kyle and Kim agree that there are still sore spots on both sides of the relationship, and Kim is peeved that Kyle brings up private phone convos, but when her BFF, Brandi does it, it’s sorta precious. Kyle believes that it’s unreasonable to think that she would ever want to harm her, and Kim comments that her intentions are ummmm…mixed up. Eileen interjects that Brandi fuels the fire, and Kim asserts that Eileen needs to shut it, and leave her favorite enabler alone.
We sit in on a post podcast powwow between Lisa R and Brandi, and Lisa wants to know why Brandi wreaks havoc everywhere she goes. Brandi explains that the pressure of not being self centered or sober is just too challenging, even to support her older little sis, Kim. They chat about Kim’s plight, and Lisa shares her disgust at all of the enabling behavior surrounding her. Lisa comments that the hush hush nature of the scenario is BS, and that the whole cast needs an intervention. Brandi agrees as long as she can make it to the club by 11:00.
An intervention is on tap for next week? See you there!!