#CelebrityApprentice Recap: “Its Like a Booze Cruise with Knowledge” [Episodes 5]

Posted on Jan 27 2015 - 8:43am by Dani-K

The Celebrity Apprentice

We’re closing in on the end of Celebrity Apprentice with just two more taped episodes before the live finale to name the winner. Only two words can appropriately describe last night’s episode: Snooze Fest. (Or is that one word?) The drama was contrived and trivial and we are running out of interesting people, but I will do my best to make the recap more fun than the show.

Sig announces that he’s taking the next project manager’s position no matter what, even if he has to sell women’s underwear. Talk about good luck! Guess what the new task is? A boat ride around New York’s harbor. Sig raises his hand for PM and so does Brandi. The girl may not be able to steer a boat, but Brandi probably knows her way around a booze cruise. Game on.

The Celebrity Apprentice

As usual, Geraldo tries to steamroll his concept with a civil war reenactment tour. Fortunately, Kate and Vivica nix this. Sig has the dim-witted idea that because he knows the president of Hooters, he should get those girls to come on board, no matter who the guests are for the boat tour. Are they families? Are they elderly? No matter. Their theme is “Sexiest Catch.” Did I mention the winner is chosen by guest feedback?

The Celebrity Apprentice

Over at Team Brandi, Ian and Kenya want a theme now, damn it. Brandi is nervous about screwing up so she gives into the idea of Manhattan Mardi Gras. But then Brandi worries this will confuse the guests since Mardi Gras is celebrated in New Orleans and they are in New York. Kenya asks Brandi who her charity is and Brandi says it’s the “Make a Wish Foundation.” Kenya is down with helping kids and wants to put their differences aside for the sake of the kids. Their new theme is Big Apple Bonanza.

It’s the day of the tour and Sig is not a happy boater. He freaks out on two bartenders who show up late. Sig slams his hand on the table, knocking over stacked plastic cups, telling the bartenders to get effing busy or get effing going. Relax dude. This isn’t the Bering Sea.

Brandi’s boat launches first, and her Big Apple concept includes that she, Kenya, Ian, and Johnny wear red. They have a band, dancers, drinks, and joy of joy, Kenya has offered to sing her hit, “Gone With the Wind Fabulous.” Over at Sexiest Catch, Geraldo is giving the most depressing description of Ellis Island about the refugees that escaped oppression with their meager belongings to come here. Then he calls out, “Screw the terrorists!” when pointing out the new World Trade Center. Not exactly sexy, but what do I know.

The Celebrity Apprentice

Back at Brandi’s boat everyone is having a lot of fun. Her team has successfully blended information with entertainment. It’s time for Kenya—with her backup dancers—to sing her song. 

Over at Sexy Sig’s boat, the team hands out cupcakes. Geraldo asks the Hooter’s girls pageant type questions and the guests look bored out of their minds because know one cares what they think. Sig’s charity is the coast guard who do a drive by and the people wave. He’s convinced they did a great job and if the guests don’t like it, Sig wants their addresses so he can punch their teeth out. (His exact words.)

The Celebrity Apprentice

It’s boardroom time. Sig tells Trump that if they didn’t win it was because they only had four teammates. Brandi compliments everyone on her team and gives special props to Leeza and Johnny. The feedback for Brandi’s team was they had a festive atmosphere and Leeza was wonderful, but the guests were confused as to the theme and split on their performance. The words “not classy” were cited. As for Team Sig, the positives were the guests loved Vivica. The negatives were the guests hated Geraldo. Also, the female guests felt overlooked. In other words, if you’re going to have Hooter’s girls, you need to have Chippendale’s, as well. Too bad Ian was on the other team. He could have helped with that task.

The Celebrity Apprentice

The winner is Team Brandi! Brandi asks for money for the Coast Guard and Trump agrees. One by one, Vivica, Kate and Geraldo reluctantly name Sig as the person who should be fired. And trump agrees. Smooth sailing, Sig!

The second task begins with a team switcheroo. Kenya replaces Sig and Brandi does a jig. The teams are now: Geraldo, Kate, Vivica, and Kenya versus Brandi, Ian, Leeza, and Johnny. The new task is to create a themed interactive environment for Trump National Doral in Miami. Let’s face it, Trump could care less what these people come up with. This is just a shameless attempt to plug one of his properties. The PM’s are Kate and Ian.

The Celebrity Apprentice

Back at the war-room, Geraldo suggests to Kate, a character called Blue Monster as the hotel mascot. Kenya doesn’t think it’s grand enough, and she’s right. Kate assigns Kenya to prop shopping with Vivica. And these two women do not get along. 

The Celebrity Apprentice

Over at Team Ian, he is ready for his seat closer to God (his exact words) when he wins this task. Ian says that creativity and imagination are part of his wheelhouse. I’m sorry, but all I can see is a hamster running track in his wheelhouse. On the van-ride back to Team Kate, Vivica and Kenya get into it. It’s blah, blah, blah, and yak, yak, yak. I want to go back to the team. No, I want to make one more stop. Shut up! My ears are bleeding. Kate is doing her best on this task, but she’s no match for Ian and his marigolds that spell out “Doran.”

The Celebrity Apprentice

In the boardroom for the second time this evening, Brandi says that the dark cloud (her exact words) had been lifted when Kenya left. According to Trump, the winner of this task wasn’t even a close call. Don Jr. and Eric say that Team Ian’s interactive experience was luxurious and interactive. The negative feedback was their lack of focus on kids and family. Team Kate’s strength was the mascot, Blue Monster. The negatives were that it wasn’t luxurious or interactive. The winner is Team Ian. He is now closer to God because his ego has grown that much taller.

The Celebrity Apprentice

In the boardroom it’s no surprise that Kate says Kenya and Vivica’s girl drama (her exact words) were a source of constant distraction. Kenya and Vivica go at it some more, but you can’t understand most of it because they keep speaking over each other. Geraldo is sandwiched in the middle of these two, quiet for the first time in Celebrity Apprentice history. Yay! Kenya is fighting hard not to go home. She tells Trump that they are the first family of America and this works and Trump fires Kate

The Celebrity Apprentice

And now for the:

Person we most want to have a drink with: I’m running out of people to name, so I’ll have that drink with Don Jr. and Eric Trump for backing each other up.

Person we most want to throw a drink at:  There are several to choose tonight, but I’ll throw it at Sig. The fact that this task was gift wrapped and handed to him on an engraved silver platter, and he managed to blow it – he gets it!

 

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I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run. For more information, please visit me at:
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  • She Stinks!

    So glad that Kate Gosselin finally got fired. She added nothing to this show, and has zero skills. I never knew who the other guy that got fired was, so I didn’t care so much.

    • TartLemon

      When Trump fired Kate he commented that she’d pretty much outstayed her usefulness. It was a quick remark, but I caught it.

      Eric and Don Jr were not impressed with Kenya’s act AT ALL. Classless I think is what they called it.

      Previews for next week show the thing about Kenya stealing Viveca’s phone and sending texts. Should be great. I never could stand Kenya and saw through her.

      • She Stinks!

        Yes, I’m looking forward to see how Kenya denies stealing Viveca’s phone and tweeting. I think Kenya tweeted something like “these hot flashes are killing me, must be menopause” as Viveca. Should be fun to watch! TweetGate 2015!

        • ♥♥♥ Tigerlily ·.¸¸.·*¨·.·.¸¸.

          Ita SS.
          All that acting up in the car too? Imho?
          Kenya?
          http://media2.giphy.com/media/s4nP22XYWIq4w/200.gif

          Diabolical.

          • RonnieIsBack

            LOL

        • Dani-K

          ROFL!

        • RonnieIsBack

          I cannot wait to see how that plays out..and if Vivica really shows her azz and cuss up a storm.

          • You know that ghetto hood rat will. She can’t help herself.

          • RonnieIsBack

            Yassss! Jigsaw’s meltdown is going to be EPIC!

      • Dani-K

        Yes I heard that comment too from Trump to Kate. I also get the feeling that Trump doesn’t much care for Ian. Must have something to do with competitive egos.

    • MidwestMiddie

      True, Kate brought nothing to the show but at least she was quiet.
      Meanwhile, Geraldo brought too much to the show……..himself!
      GAG! Not sure I can bear to watch him for even a few more minutes.

  • ER

    Nice job, Dani K….. Recap better than the show.
    Won’t miss Kate but will miss her many hairstyles. ; – ) And finally Geraldo got some negative feedback in the boardroom. Next week looks like fun.

    • Dani-K

      Thanks ER! Looking forward to next week too.

  • Lila

    Kenya had more experience in ‘luxury’ as she puts it so she should have been project manager. She’s a menace to both teams but Trump kept her because of it; it’s good TV. Kate didn’t fight enough. Usually ,even if it’s your fault, sometimes PM doesn’t go home. These PMs don’t know how to put up a good fight.

    • Dani-K

      I agree! If you don’t fight for it Trump looks at it like you don’t want it bad enough. And Kenya should have been project manager with all of her “luxury” experience. lol.

  • RonnieIsBack

    Great recap! Sig needed a smack in his Sig…WTF? He was too extra..chill dude.
    How in the Faq does Geraldo keep escaping? All the bad ideas, including that Blue Monster ish were HIS. Phucker…and his ego….
    Kenya you are starting to unravel, letting Ghettoazz Vivica (Jigsaw) get to you…I really hope you don’t steal her phone..I hope it was Brandi.
    Speaking of which ..this bish! and Leeza Smug Gibbins isn’t any better. They have chump Trump wrapped around their fingers…

    • Dani-K

      Thanks Ronnie! Question: if you had to be stuck on an island with Geraldo or Ian who would you choose. Answer: to drown yourself. LOL!

      • MidwestMiddie

        Still laughing ……..

      • ♥♥♥ Tigerlily ·.¸¸.·*¨·.·.¸¸.

        The shark!
        I choose the shark!
        http://i.imgur.com/CzFf4.gif

      • RonnieIsBack

        LOL I would choose Steve Sanders…he does have a nice bod….I would wear ear plugs and go to town LOL

    • JrzShoreLady

      I don’t know the order of filming, but I was very surprised to see Leeza Gibbons on RHOBH a few weeks ago & acting chummy with Brandi. I’m shocked that Leeza constantly defends a sleazebag like Brandi on CA.

      • Dani-K

        Celebrity Apprentice was filmed this time last year. RHOBH sometime after that. Do you think Leeza wants to be a housewife on RHOBH? She’s too normal, IMO.

  • Guest

    *******SPOILERS: Not b’tch me out if you read past this line***** Okay, just so you don’t read past this line, and b’tch me out anyway, I’ll type it again: **************SPOILERS: Don’t bitch me out if you read past this line.

    If you google it, you’ll find that: 1) Kenya does get fired for stealing Vivica’s phone & posting demeaning/inappropriate things on her twitter, acting like Vivica….It’s been noted as one of the worst “talking to/b’tched out by Trump & firing” the show has ever seen…….and 2) The final four are: Vivica, Ian, Leeza & Brandi; with the final two being: Vivica & Leeza.

    There, I said it. Thank God Kenya is going home soon, she’s repulsive & down-right wretched to watch, makes me want to hurl. Oh, and like Vivica said, “There’s a lot of I in what Kenya says, I am ____, I did _____, I made ______” Kenya is a joke. Leeza & Vivica makes it to the final 2. OOPSIE to all you that say sh’t about those two, at least they DON’T Lie, Cheat, Steal, or sit on their lazy a’sses, skating by, in an attempt to get to the finals…..THEY ACTUALLY WORKED FOR IT. Just sayin…..

  • CoolBreeze15

    Haha. Funny how as soon as Sig stepped up to be PM he went home that same episode! I don’t even know who he is. He had an attitude problem though. Brandi is just TRASH and so is Leeza for aligning herself with Brandi. You would think with all she’s done in the industry that she wouldn’t allign herself with such low class people but I guess now. OMG Kenya has been looking so pretty on this show! I only watch for her anyway and I still don’t believe she stole Vivica’s phone. Vivica is simply looking for more relevance by trying to tear down another woman rising. I got her game. I lost all my respect for her watching her on this show. I’m sure Kenya won’t win but so far at least she has gotten farther than Nene aka moose!