Love & Hip Hop New York Recap: “Oh Baby!” [Episode 5]

Posted on Jan 20 2015 - 12:51pm by Wendy Owen

LHHNY

At Negro Claro in Washington Heights, N.Y. — seems this show takes place anywhere but Manhattan which is the only part of New York that matters — Chrissy is dressed up in leopard with a neckline down to her belly, showing her ta-tas which is a no-no when they sag-sag. You get me? At least her wig is high up. Cyn arrives so they can diss Erica, while sucking on some grimy hooka. Cyn says she’s done with Erica. Now she’s playing instruments. She’s singing. Stop laughing. I think she’s serious. Chrissy decides — without hearing a note — that she’s gonna set Cyn up with Rich to piss off Erica.

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Peter got back from Barbados just in time to watch Amina birth one of his babies. He knows the drill. While she’s laying in the hospital bed, he’s lying to her about who he was with which he claims were his promoters. Then he lies some more and says he’s settled things with Tara. He lets it slip that he let her choose. What a dope! Then he’s got the nerve to tell her she’s not hearing it right. He tells her, “I want to be husband to you now.” Oh, wow. Gee. How nice of you, Peter.

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Erica yaps her head off about why her work life and love life are never in sync so she goes to talk to Rich. She starts off by telling him she’s not going to sue him for the money her bullshit music didn’t make which must come as a relief to Rich. So what does she want? Seems she wants to talk about her love life with him because they were such “dope” friends. Uh. Yeah. Sounds it. I always threaten to sue the ass off my “dope” friends. Anywaaay, back to her fake-ass reason for camera time. She’s trying to tell us that the moment she has a relationship everyone else gets all concerned and wants to know about it and gets in her business — we know the real truth which is her P.R. “team” is pushing out the rumors about her to get her covered. Still doesn’t sell any records, does it? Rich tells her her “career is predicated on who you are” and that’s always gonna mess up her relationships. Who is she? I mean, really. Who is she? I never heard of her candy ass before this show, did you all? She’s always down as “Erica, star of VH1’s ‘Love and Hip Hop New York'” isn’t she? And somehow, now, she’s hooked on to Shad Gregory Moss — y’know, Lil’ Bow Wow, now that’s he’s grown with a “secret kid” Bow Wow — who hasn’t had a hit or anything serious going down in years. So this conversation just makes me laugh. We know Erica is desperate, but I didn’t Richie D was equally desperate.

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New day, new wig for Chrissy. The old-ass b*tch goes to apologize to Chink, realizing that when you’re old enough to be a man’s grandmother, you need to STFU. So she does, but can’t hold it for long. She complains about him spending time in the studio. “I don’t wanna keep crossing this bridge,” says Chink. Then Chrissy gets to the real issue at hand. Her funky old ass wants a baby. How this is going to happen to someone who hasn’t been fertile since Hammer Time, heaven only knows! Pretty funny that Chink gets so worried! Guess he can’t do the math. Don’t worry Chink! All those eggs are waaaaay past their sell by date! Ain’t nothin’ fresh up in that cooch.

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Yandy goes to meet her friend Candy to tell her about being pregnant. Unlike me, Candy doesn’t slap the sh*t outta her to make her get an abortion.I guess I’m the only one that thinks an alleged felon doesn’t make a good baby daddy, or even decent genes. Candy does talk her into thinking about the future — you know the very possible future that consists of him being up the river while she’s hip deep in baby poopie diapers.

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Mr. Egghead Cisco is at the gym with Richie talking about Diamond and how she’s so unappreciative of his honesty, and how she disrespected his baby mama. Of course, he tells us he’s still creepin’ on his baby mama who has no idea about Diamond. This guy is amazing!

Amina has a baby girl, named Cori. Yeah. I know. Who cares. We tried to warn her, didn’t we? To me, the baby looks awfully white so maybe there’s still hope it ain’t Peter‘s progeny.

Back to Chrissy. You may want to deploy your barf bags for this one. She’s got uterine fibroids is what she tells her girlfriend, Ryan. She says if she gets them “removed, it will lesson my chances of having a baby.” I think that ship sailed with parachute pants, but okay, we’ll play. She tells us she’s already off birth control. She’s starts fake crying about wanting a baby. With her spiked bracelets, bleached hair, and fake eyelashes, I can see her pushing a baby carriage, can’t you? Her friend tells her she needs to tell her man about this plan. Not to worry — she’s getting pregnant during the flight of the pigs scenario that will happen any day now.

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Yandy decides to talk to Mendeecees about her best friend being back. I thought this was a euphemism for her monthly friend, ya know what I mean? Unfortunately, she means Candy. Then the talk turns to their baby and their future and how she shouldn’t worry because he might not have to do 20 years. A-ma-zing.

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Rich and Cyn get together, and he apologizes to her because he can see how beneficial hanging with Cyn could be to his air time. Cyn has a great idea about writing a song for her brother who committed suicide, and she says this like she’s relating how she’s gonna do the laundry by separating the whites from the colors. Get the picture? She’s really, really, really not emotional about it. Rich says fine as long as he can exploit her in kind to promote his sorry ass liquor, which shall remain nameless here from now on. I ain’t typin ’til I’m paid for hypin’ baby!

Chrissy‘s driving her tacky-ass red Chevy. with her dog and her chihuahua. LOL! Get it? Her dog and her chihuahua? Chink’s the dog in that line!!! Anyway, she tells Chink that she’s off the pill. He’s pissed. Like I said, he’s got nothing to worry about. He’s still married to someone else, anyways, anyhow.

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Cisco goes to tells his babies’ mama, Tasha, whom he still blames for the whole mess that is their relationship, about Diamond. He tells her there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for her or his children. Oh, except get married. Oh, except be there when she’s birthing his babies. Oh, except be faithful to her. She basically tells him to go scratch. Too little too late. Seventeen years she’s wasted on Mr. Egghead loser. Just wait. Her nightmare ain’t over. Cisco does tell Tasha about Diamond. He blames Tasha for getting pregnant when he was with Diamond because that’s why Diamond’s mad at him now, and not with him. Yeah. You couldn’t write this sh*t or, maybe you could and did? It’s so bad in a bad way. Cisco, of course, walks out. He either a) can’t handle the truth, or b) that’s all they wrote.

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Rich invites Erica to his pad to break the news that he’s inviting her to his liquor launch, and oh, by the way, he’s gonna work with Cyn. Erica says he’s full of shit. “You reach under and grab her ass.” And this: “Why the one dyke from Dykeman? Why?” You know someone wrote that line for her! Anyway, they pretend-fight like we’re supposed to believe it, but we know it’s all for showin’ and not for blowin’! Erica leaves, but of course, she first tells him she’ll see him and Cyn at this party, which was her way of prognosticatin’ for the cameras!

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See YOU in the funny papers!

 

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I'm so fugly, the Dr slapped my mother when I was born. If you love me here - and who wouldn't, frankly? - you can follow my Twitter Time Line @WBVT_98FM and see just how many people I can offend on any particular day. <3

  • Wendy…you are the TRUTH! This recap had me ROFLMAO!!!! GREAT JOB!!!

    • Wendy Owen

      lol! thanks! you’re making me blush! 🙂

  • Norrth

    I am appalled by Chrissy’s behavior! GEEZ! I don’t get why these young, attractive women are wasting their time on these men. There are plenty of good men out there. Stop being afraid. Tara and her 13 year struggle. Tasha and her 17 year struggle. Move on.

    • Wendy Owen

      I guess they never heard Aretha singing ’bout R E S P E C T — that’s all I can figure!

  • Yolie

    A ticking biological clock can be very emotional for some, but Chink told Crissy he wasn’t divorcing anything soon and wasn’t ready for a baby. Why would want to have a child with someone who doesn’t want one? She’s acting very young and stupid about this. Crissy, get yourself together and forget that biological clock mess. Don’t purposely bring a child into this world in an unstable environment! Sigh….

    • Wendy Owen

      amazing, and i still don’t know if she’s acting because really, she knows he’s not getting divorced any time soon, and she’s too old to be fertile.

  • ♥♥♥ Tigerlily ·.¸¸.·*¨·.·.¸¸.

    Just to clarify Wendy. Washington Heights is in Manhattan. It’s in the upper, northern part of the borough. Near the George Washington Bridge.

    • Bad Barbie

      for real. I was like WTF? LOL

      • Wendy Owen

        yeah, i know, but we don’t go there. even though i’m so white that i’m transparent, i don’t like being stared at so much. 🙂

        • Bad Barbie

          What does being “white” have to do with anything of where you go and being stared at? You are stuck in the 40’s and in your small mind, boo. Sorry, but those are ridiculous comments you are making. Sorry that you feel that way… Either that or you are just trolling around with us.

          • Wendy Owen

            Ok, Bad Barbie. You win. I’m an asshole.

    • Wendy Owen

      besides being too white, my ex who tried to sue ME for alimony still works up at CU. i aint going anywhere near there any year soon!! i’d end up in jail w/ mendeecees

      • Wendy Owen

        it’s a prejudice i have. city planners of nyc also need to told, since it’s technically on the island of manhattan, when they map it out, they don’t call inwood manhattan. inwood is above washington heights. rykers is closer to manhattan than inwood, as many in this cast well know. 🙂

        • Wendy Owen

          the map is for the assistance for our midwestern readers, or those from the RHOBH.

        • Bad Barbie

          Manhattan is an Island and those are all the neighborhoods in it. Just like Tribeca, Soho, Hell’s Kitchen, etc.. SMH

          Riker’s is closed to the Bronx, as you can see in your linked map.

          • Wendy Owen

            So sorry, Bad Barbie. Humor is humor. The USA does not only consist of urban NYC tri-state area. I’m not going to debate how many Americans of northern European descent hang in neighborhoods above 84th Street. Satire should not need to be explained.

          • Wendy Owen

            BTW, I’m changing my name to Trinitario, using a fake pic, and telling people I’m from Metropolis next week.

      • Bad Barbie

        What is being “too White”? Please delight me.

        • Wendy Owen

          Too white? That’s when you are so white that your veins show through – blue, red, all different kinds of colors that no amount of cover up can cover.
          You gonna tell me you’ve never seen one of us? You don’t have any friends that within 15 minutes of sun exposure starts to break out in a heat rash so they have to wrap themselves up head-to-toe at the beach and in fact, try to never go out during the daylight hours?
          Come to the beach with me – even other white people comment on painfully white i am.

  • Bad Barbie

    Wendy- You do know that “Washington Heights” IS in Manhattan, right? SMH. LOL

    These women are nuts.
    Yandy pregnant by someone that is facing 20yrs.
    Chrissy should just find herself a donor or someone that wants babies as much as her. Those situations hardly ever work.
    Amina- having a baby with Peter wont keep him around. Didn’t keep him around the other 5-6 baby moms he has.
    Erica is despicable and a setback to Young Latinas.
    Cyn- have a seat. Trying to be a singer. LOL go back to door girl or bottle hosting.
    Tasha- wow! Def not the type I pictured Cisco with. I actually expected a chick like Cyn to be his baby moms.

    • Wendy Owen

      not anyone from jersey – we don’t go above 84th street!!! lol!!! 🙂 we be so white like bloomberg.

      • Wendy Owen

        in fact, i betcha clinton never goes to his fake-ass office in harlem any more! it was all for show!

        • Wendy Owen

          and, not to put to fine a point on it, but if the lounge you going to is at 3805 10th Avenue, Washington Heights, Inwood, you better take the A train cause no cab is going there! once they stop calling it amsterdam avenue and switch it to a numbered avenue by the dykman senior housing center, that’s a clue. 🙂

          • Bad Barbie

            Wendy, I thought you were the person who writes these blogs. Those are simply ignorant and type racist comments that you are making now.
            Columbia University is located above 84th street and the demographic of students in primarily “White” and they live all over “uptown” Manhattan. So is Yeshiva University, located in the mist of “Dyckman/ St. Nicholas” neighborhood. Guess where most those students live too?! To say that “White” people don’t go over 84th street it is plain ignorant bs. Get out your Jersey hood more often.

          • Wendy Owen

            The point regarding CU is that my ex works there. He is whiter than white, being English. I’m sorry if that remark offended you. Though, I must say, when I do go to the Dykman area, I am stared at. Perhaps that’s because as one Hispanic lover told me, “You are soooo white.” Ah, well, I can’t help it if I have bad genes. I don’t fit in with the hipster doofus gentrification crowd, et al, that’s taking over Harlem and the northern environs of Manhattan.

            Being familiar with NYC, you should know that there are specific neighborhoods on the Island, and in fact, if you watch RHONY, you never see any of them go to Washington Heights, much less Inwood. Sorry I offended you by pointing that out. When/if I see any of them on any episode go higher than 84th Street I will certainly alert the media.

            As for Negro Claro, if you are a regular reader of the NY Post, you’ll recall that two men were shot and one stabbed there in 2013. So, no, I’m not going there anytime soon for a fun night out. I can stay in Jersey for that.

            BTW, Paterson, NJ, ain’t no “Jersey hood” — it’s a full-fledged slum.
            🙂

          • Bad Barbie

            “Being familiar with NYC, you should know that there are specific neighborhoods on the Island, and in fact, if you watch RHONY, you never see any of them go to Washington Heights,”- You are telling me to be “familiar”? You are the one that wrote about a neighborhood not being part of the island boo, not me. LOL

            Plenty of people have been shot and killed at Juliet, GreenHouse, Bungalow 8, Provocateur. Which are all in poshy Manhattan.

            RHONY doesn’t film anywhere else but the places that go with their wallet. That is an economic issue not a racial one, btw. There are a lot of Hispanic and black people with as much money that don’t go to Negro Claro and a lot of broke white people that do. Don’t make it a race issue. We have enough of those already.

          • Wendy Owen

            Ok, I’ll sport if you meet me at Negro Claro (before the $20 cover charge kicks in at 10pm) and let’s see how well I fit in. I mean, I know many men of color will enjoy my presence as I enjoy theirs, but I’ll bet you right now that I will be the only pasty white honky there and the other women will be staring. Deal? We’ll take pix and post them the next day. PIck a date. 🙂

      • Bad Barbie

        What are you talking about? This is simply ignorant.

        • Wendy Owen

          Psst…u better check on the Peter’s Brew Coffee Shop chat line — someone actually said you shouldn’t go to the Auburn Ave area at night! OMG!!! Better go crack that whip!

    • Wendy Owen

      that whole peter thing is just so sad….you just wanna shake amina and ask her WHYYYYYY???
      i think the only solution for chrissy is a single gay man who desperately wants a baby, too. fitting, because she looks transgender herself.

    • brittany

      Can you please write the recap next week! “Cyn have a seat”Too damn funny

    • brittany

      Peter talking to Amina when she’s in labor LOL that whole convo was too much! As he’s talking they zoom in on her heart rate…I was dyin

      • Guest

        would you have gotten up from that bed and slapped him? i would!!

    • OhNoYouDidnt

      Bad Barbie – now here YOU go stereotyping. What does THAT mean – expecting someone like Cyn to be the mother of his children…because she’s light skinned right? That’s basically the only thing you could have possibly meant. And you are on here trying to call this woman Wendy’s bluff (who by the way, tickled my feathers this afternoon – fuuhhh-nny!) – it takes one to know one I suppose Barbie!

      • Wendy Owen

        Why, thank you OhNoYouDidnt! I believe you are the only who saw through this little nut before cracking it open. She’s suspect, and she’s rude – hasn’t RSVP’d my invite to Negro Claro yet.

  • brittany

    I really hope you didn’t get paid to write that recap! Lol worst review everrr! You try to come off like you hate the show and everyone on it. I’m lost are you trying to get people to NOT watch? Wouldn’t that defeat the purpose of you job? All I could think about was how ugly and miserable you must be. It’s actually sad how you write as if your so much better than every single character when it’s so obvious you wish you could be anyone of them. You’re not funny.. at all.. actually it’s hilarious that you honestly think you are and sad. I actually want to defend everyone on the show because how poorly you wrote about them. I would bet anything that your Chrissy that you distastefully wrote about is a 10 compared to you. How do you try to tell a joke and then you have to explain to people how to understand your joke lol…never in my life!!

    • say_no_go

      Wow, that was a bit harsh

      • Wendy Owen

        I apologized but she hasn’t responded yet. I wonder why?

      • Bad Barbie

        In all reality, all these comments are harsh. Talking about one race doesn’t step foot in neighborhoods… well, populated by that same race. Ludicrous!. SMH!

        • Wendy Owen

          What’s really funny is how hard you are trying to make it seem like there’s an issue here. 🙂

          • Bad Barbie

            Don’t have to try. Your writing speaks for itself, hone.

          • Wendy Owen

            When we meeting up at Negro Claro? My treat. Roof’s the limit – I don’t have the dosh for bottle service/table. I’m broke.

          • Wendy Owen

            hone. u slay me.

    • Wendy Owen

      My dearest, loveliest brittany with a small “b”,

      I also hate to see flattened sparrows on the sidewalk with their mouths open in a never-ending inaudible cry to God, but i can’t help but look. Like Chrissy’s heaving bosom, it’s just there and the human impulse is to stare.

      Please forgive me, dear reader, if I offend you with my brutal honesty, but as the great anonymous baseball umpire once said, “I calls ’em as I sees ’em!”

      Your humble and fugly correspondent,
      Wendy

      • Bad Barbie

        Wendy, this is besides your comments about characters on a show.

        I think the problem is your comments about race and demographics. You have mentioned couple of times how “white” you are and how you can’t step foot above 84th St because “white people” don’t go past that point, and cabs don’t go into certain neighborhoods… That is not “brutal honesty” that is ignorance.

        Either you are “joking” (which there is nothing funny about being this ignorant in this given time in history) or you got other issues with non-white. Yet, I guarantee you I am as white, blonde, blue eyed as you even though I am not “white”. I am Cuban, raised in Manhattan and there is nothing accurate about your brutal honesty.

        • Wendy Owen

          Really? Do you get a heat rash in the sun and break out in blisters in after the 15 minute mark? Do all your veins show up as dark blue against your transparent skin? Do the broken blood vessels around your face look like a red lined road map of the philly road system?

          • Wendy Owen

            I’m sorry to offend you with the fact that some white people are even more white than others. Sickly white, in fact. So white that friends feel compelled to mention how sickly white you are. That white. 🙂

          • Bad Barbie

            Are you assuming I can’t possibly be “white” because I am Cuban or because you have a rare skin disordered that I may not suffer from?
            LOL

          • Wendy Owen

            I’m assuming you don’t know much about white people who get heat rash. LOL! When are we going to Negro Claro?

  • Brattus Rattus

    I don’t know how old Chrissy is but there’s a certain point in your life when you say, “THANK GOD I NEVER HAD THEM!” I reached that opinion when I was 32. Chink isn’t a spring chicken himself. You get to a certain age when you can do what you want
    I’m like Wendy, I find myself watching this show and shaking my head as to WHYYYYYY and I watching it but I can’t look away. All of the narcissism. All the idiots. Takes my mind off of my jacked off life.

    • Wendy Owen

      totally!