Hello Tea Drinkers!!! Last week on the”Real Housewives of Atlanta” we were dining at Shadefest 2014 and the gloves were completely off between Nene and Claudia. We’re back and they are still going at it. Nene is once again talking about how Claudia is jealous of her paper because she is a Rich Bish. Claudia tells her she is envious of nothing Nene has, including her wack clothing line or car repossessions. Nene says look at the cars in her garage now. Nene shades Claudia spaghetti strapped maxi dress. Claudia responds that Nene should lay off the spaghetti. We all know carbs are not a girl’s best friend. Nene says her dress is off the runway. Claudia tells her runway sizes do not come in XXL. Nene says you can get them in XXL when you have the coin. Claudia tells her she paid too much because her dress looks like it came from Ross. Hey, I like Ross Dress For Less. Nene goes to her old standby “Gurl Bye” and Claudia ask is she leaving. The back and forth is getting old. How many ways can you slay Nene? I guess at least one more time because Nene ignorantly takes this opportunity to insult Claudia’s real hair because she is wearing a bob. What’s wrong with a bob? Kandi is sporting a weaved bob. Claudia says well at least she is not wearing a hair cap. #Dead. Kandi admits in her talking head that Claudia has said EV-ER-RY-THANG that people wanted to say to Nene. Fight Over.
Team Beauty leaves the table and take a walk to discuss how ratchet the conversation went. Claudia felt she had to speak up for Demetria because they were ganging up on her and throwing shade about her career left and right. Bravo shows us the footage of Nene and Phaedra rudeness. #Ungrateful. Claudia is even more upset with Porsha and her “alligator wide azz mouth gold digging azz” cackling and laughing up a storm while she and Nene were fighting. Claudia feels pot definitely meet kettle because Porsha is seeing a married man. I’ll bet you Porsha is regretting the day she went to Miami with Claudia and shared her lifestyle and ambitions to get a wealthy African with her.
At the table with Team Beast, Phaedra simply cannot understand why Demetria thought she was being shady. Really Shady Phae? All the ladies tell Phaedra to basically cut the B.S. she shaded Demetria.
The next day, Kandi calls Don Juan her assistant to see how A Mother’s Love play rewrites are going. She is excited that they are talking the play on the road. We already know how this ends. #DetroitShowWasCancelled. #AMotherIsDismissed.
Nene, Phaedra and Porsha are having breakfast and (gasp!) Nene admits that she started the argument with Claudia. Porsha looks dazed and confused. It goes fast girl. Phaedra is saying how tired she is because she didn’t go to bed until 4 am. Nene tells us in her talking head that she “ain’t mad at Phaedra for talking on the phone with another man till the wee hours in the morning.” She also says “chile yo stuff should not be locked up for 8 “cheers.” Did Nene just out Mr. Chocolate? #StopTellingNeneYourBusiness.
While window shopping at Cartier, Porsha spots a $440,000 necklace and says she can work that out.Nene in her talking head wonders how Porsha is able to do this. #ThisIsHowUShadeUrBFF.
Kenya, Cynthia and Claudia decided to take in the sights and go to a Pina Colada tasting because they are in Puerto Rico. Claudia had a head start earlier by the pool and loves the rum. The ladies celebrate and laugh at how Claudia really gave Nene the business the night before. Claudia says she was just sick of the double standards and Nene projecting her bad behavior on everyone else, so she had to get a raggedy bish together.
Demetria visits Phaedra to apologize for making the comment about Apollo’s prison sentence. Of course Phaedra accepts her apology, but never acknowledges her part in the conversation. She actually tells Demetria that if she felt she was being shaded, she should have just came to Phaedra and told her. Excuse me, isn’t that what she tried to do at the table, but Phaedra kept dismissing her like she was talking out of her neck? They exchange compliments about their dresses and get ready to go to what else – another Kandi Bedroom party – Puerto Rico edition. On the way to the party Nene actually calls Porsha a THOT (remember folks it means “That Hoe Over There”). Porsha says yes she is being very THOTFUL and high fives Nene. #AcceptingBrainDonationsPlease. At the party they play pass the dildos and other games that are just too boring to mention. I actually glazed over when Porsha started talking about how her sugar daddy turns her on and calls her degrading names. Next.
The next morning each group throw on their swimsuits to enjoy the beach and/or pool activities. The contrast is glaring to say the least. Let’s just say it is quite obvious which teams spends their time at the gym before drinking and which team does not. Kenya, Claudia and Cynthia look like Josie and the Pussycats, having fun in the sun in bikinis with taunt figures and makeup flirting with the poolside bartenders.
Nene, Porsha, Phaedra and Kandi looked more like Dorothy, Rose, Sophia and Blanche, of the Golden Girls.
The women are taking the shuttle ride to hear Demetria perform. On the bus, Nene takes the time to let the women know that although she really doesn’t care for them, she would never knock their “akelaides” and with that she announces that she is going to be on BROADWAY, just to rub it in. She invites them to come see her (we all know they did not). Team Beauty applauses and actually congratulates Nene on her accomplishments. Claudia then tells Nene that she really should take her own advice and stop knocking the accolades and accomplishments of others. Nene says she apologizes. Claudia says Nene should not have called her a whore because it is not true. Kandi and Cynthia feels that Claudia should just be so grateful that Nene apologized about anything because she never does. Claudia isn’t having it. Nene then apologizes for the whore comment. Wow. That is a first. Everything would have been fine but Porsha chooses this time to stick her nose in the mix and try to scold Claudia about moving on. This is when the conversation turns. Claudia lets the Thot-Who-Tried-It know that she didn’t appreciate her laughing loudly to the high heavens when Nene was attacking her virtue. She tells her clearly she is the last person who should laugh at whore comments because Porsha is sleeping with a married man and accepting high end gifts from him as payment.
Kandi is laughing and texting somebody this tea. Nene says nothing and Porsha looks stunned. She tries to deny it but Claudia says they have mutual friends and she needs to stop lying. Kenya co-signs what Claudia is saying and Porsha basically tells her to shut up or she will sue her for slander, but not Claudia…interesting. Cynthia pipes up and tells Nene that she is well aware of Porsha’s married benefactor. Nene tries to hush Cynthia up and gives her a look like “gurl I told you that when we were friends. Shhhh.” Porsha tells Claudia that she is a contradictory. Yup, not a contradiction, but a contradictory. Claudia just shakes her head at the dumbness of it all.
They arrive 20 minutes late for Demetria’s performance. Demetria is doing a great job and even The Brat joins her on stage. I like the song “One Hunnit.” Porsha laments in her talking head that she loved the concert but after the bus ride, she is ready to go home. I’ll bet you are. #WhenThotsAreExposedOnNationalTV.
Next week Kordell is back and ready to mingle with…Claudia!