Last night the library was opened on the “Real Housewives of Atlanta!” Reading was Fundamental and EVERYWHERE. We begin with Kenya accompanying Claudia to see a sexy podiatrist. Claudia’s feet come with buttons due to all her years as an athlete. Her doctor says her case is mild. Kenya and Claudia discuss the upcoming Puerto Rico trip sponsored by Roger Bobb (Drink!). Claudia is informed that her corn removal will require surgery. Claudia doesn’t want to sport a Franken-Boot in Puerto Rico, so she passes for now.
Kandi and Demetria meet for dinner to discuss “the set up.” Kandi says she wants to apologize for her friend’s shadiness. She doesn’t admit to the set up BUT she says Demetria handled it very well. Okay. Demetria congratulates Kandi on her successes and even asks for a job. Kandi, instead, offers advice on how to ring Roger Bobb’s jingle bells in the bedroom. TMI.
Kenya joins Cynthia at The Bailey Agency in order to hire an assistant. I hope he/she can twirl and travel. They discuss how Nene was so nasty and so rude at the sex toy party. This is because there wasn’t any vodka and she had audience ladies. Cynthia gets an epiphany: Nene is mean! Nothing gets pass you Cynthia.
Demetria invites Nene to her recording studio to watch a session. Demetria actually has a nice voice. Nene compliments Demetria’s singing, because nobody is around to witness it. When Phaedra arrives, Nene tells Demetria that she is all about girl power, and was upset that Demetria decided not to make a scene at Kandi’s sex toy party. Demetria explains that it was not that serious. Besides, she and Roger Bobb were on a break. However, behind closed doors, she did get Roger Bobb together and now they are all going to Puerto Rico, on him. Phaedra then asks just what does Demetria do. Is she a singer or an actress? Why is this such a stretch for the lawyer-mortician-stungun designer-fitness video expert-wife of jailbird to grasp? Demetria explains she is both but her passion has always been music. Phaedra tells her she should have started while she was fresh as a “toooolup.”
Demetria reminds her that she is still young and fresh unlike her character Janine on “House of Payne.” This is when Nene decides to pretend she doesn’t know who that character was. Nene, Demetria played Janine the crackhead who found Jesus for seven seasons, unlike your show where you played what’s-her-face for one season…m’kay.
Shady Phaedra then asks “well, have you done crack?” She justifies this question because everyone in Hollywood does crack and other things. Yeah, I’m sure she asked her BFF, Hollywood NeNe the same question (side eye). Demetria takes her leave. She will get Phaedra together later.
At the airport, Porsha arrives dressed to catch another suga daddy and Kandi notices her $80,000 designer bag. Kandi suggests that Porsha gives classes in gold digging in her talking head. As long as it is not in Black History, I’m all for it. She and Kim Zociak share the teaching job. #MoneyInTheBank. Porsha asks where is Roger Bobb (drink) and feels that Demetria should be angry that he isn’t there to support her. Demetria reminds them that he is the one supporting her music venture and this entire trip, so it’s all good. They arrive at the Olive Hotel in Puerto Rico and are informed that 2 additional rooms have been upgraded. Thanks Roger Bobb! Kandi and Porsha flip for the room and Porsha wins. Kandi, the toss involved money. You should have played rock, paper, scissors.
Cynthia, Claudia, and Kenya are arriving next. The formation of TeamBeauty beings. They name the other ladies – minus Kandi – Team Beast because of their behavior. Righhht. Demetria meets her guests and they are have drinks. Demetria tells them she is getting shady nasty vibes from Phaedra. Kenya tells her that the shade is real and Phaedra’s specialty is giving back handed compliments so, as Kordell says “she betta check it.” Demetria also discusses this same topic with Kandi and Porsha. Porsha thinks it’s so cute and admits Phaedra makes fun of herself all the time and names it “light shade” #LightsAreOnNobodyIsHome.
Nene and Phaedra are throwing massive shade about Demetria, where she will perform on their ride to the hotel that they do not have to pay for. But never fear, they will grace Demetria with their presence to hear her “little voice.” Nene again takes another opportunity to reference Porsha being dumb and having too much weave on her head to notice she left her travel bag. Porsha baby, here is a quarter. Please buy a clue: Nene and Phaedra laugh at you – DAILY. When Nene and Phaedra arrive at the Olive, they meet Demetria where she is getting her makeup applied to retrieve their room keys. They are introduced to Demetria’s style team and Phaedra takes the opportunity to throw shade at the stylist and his skills, telling him that this time, he dressed Demetria right. He clutches his pearls and says No Every Time Boo! Then he calls her so late, so dry, and so old. #Read. I’m wondering did Phaedra wake up and take her medicine labeled “Bitch.” Dayum gurl, WTH?
Finally, dinner! When Team Beauty arrive, they give champagne toasts to Demetria, thank her (Roger Bobb) for the trip, the accommodations and wish her good luck for her performance tomorrow. Aww. Next Team Sour Puss join the table and Phaedra immediately complains that she wishes she could see the ocean (code for: why aren’t I sitting next to Nene?). Nene orders a specialty drink and of course her sidekicks Phaedra and Porsha want the exact same drink (kool-aid). Demetria tells the ladies that she has a sound check tomorrow and Phaedra chimes in “yes please lawd.” #Nasty. Demetria has had it and she begins to address Phaedra about shading her skills, her relationship status, and her age. Demetria reminds Phaedra that she is only 35 and Phaedra is 43.
Phaedra claims she is just being real. Yeah, Real Shady. Phaedra gets aggressive and says Demetria doesn’t know her. Demetria tells her what she does know is that the only thing they have in common is the number 8 – her relationship is going on 8 years and Apollo is going to prison for 8 years. Phaedra uses the old standby, but I have a ring and a huzzzband! Demetria answers her with one word: “Happy?” #Read. Kandi is looking like what the hell is going on with Phaedra?
Claudia says she needs another drink and Kenya offers her glass. Nene makes a crass hygienic comment that only she and Porsha, who high-fives her boss, laughs at loudly, to get some attention. As Demetria and Phaedra are still going back and forth Cynthia tries to smooth things over. Nene then barks at Cynthia, waves her massive hand in her face and tells her to stay in her lane. Ouch. Phaedra offers a back handed apology to Demetria and mumbles under her breath “don’t invite me to nothing else.” Nene wants to know why is she apologizing. Claudia realizes she is with some rude azz bitches. Claudia then ask can’t we resolve these issues like adults and not like teenagers? Nene says “Ask Ricky Smiley!” Shots Fired!
Nene says that Claudia is only speaking up because she is being trained by her puppet master (Kenya). Claudia tells Nene as the Supreme Puppet Master, she should know. In her talking head, Claudia says just because she is quiet doesn’t mean she is a pushover and a bish is about to find out. Yass! Nene brags about her money. Claudia looks nonplussed, has her hands folded under her chin and says “yes Nene you are soooo rich” and reminds Nene that all her jobs have been cancelled. Claudia then adds “I have a job too and supported myself for 17 years, not on a pole.” Nene comes back with “but you filed bankruptcy.” Didn’t Gregg file bankruptcy too (October 1, 2006)? Without missing a beat Claudia fires back “but I don’t have a mug shot!” Nene says she was in her 20’s and implied that she paid for college by stripping (and stealing). Claudia asks you went to college, but you cannot pronounce “brideSmaid?” Kenya lets us know Nene went to college seven times, not seven years. That’s code for a bish never obtained a degree. Nene says she is proud of stripping because you know it still counts as a job. She then says that Claudia is the same age as she. Claudia points out that she is closer to the lower end of 40 while Nene is closer to 50.
Nene tries to deny it and Claudia says the last time Nene was her age she had EDGES. Boom! Nene does what most do when they are slayed – she showed Claudia the back of her ramen noodle wig and said gurl bye! Nene then yells the familiar standby “you don’t have a husband” (so tired) and that Claudia wants what she has. Claudia lets us know she doesn’t want a closet full of handbags or a personal slave, named Greg. Kandi is now laughing and Porsha looks scared. Nene screams whore, slut, and criticizes Claudia’s genitalia. Claudia asks “jealous?” I love it! #Round 1 Goes to Claudia.
Next week, to be continued…oh the shade of it all.