Saturday Funnies: Life After Real Housewives of New Jersey

Posted on Jan 10 2015 - 2:46am by Trixie Felonabulous

 

Most case members have been out and about scrambling for new shows to be a part of!

 

Melissa has landed a ‘friend of a housewife’ job with Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ Lisa Vanderpump

Lisa-Vanderpump n Mel

 

Actually, she’s Giggy’s assistant

mel n giggy-2

 

Joe Gorga has left the Housewives franchise and gone down​ to Florida to be THE cabana boy at Shady Pines!​

cabana Joe

 

Nicole and Terrresa were able to get on another Housewives’ show. Thing is, they have to split the paycheck between them

Bettedot-the twins

 

Dina has some sort of ‘One With The Pizza’ commentary show about pizza on YouTube

Dina n pizza

 

Jax went over to Real Housewives of New York with her own alcoholic beverage. But the producers used Chris to market the product
42BelowMan-Chris.jpg-1
Sales went thru the roof!

 

 ​Caroline now has one, if not THE of the largest Sex Phone franchises in New York AND New Jersey!
caro on-3

 

Next Juicy went by way of Tre. He decided to market his own personal product
B22lFoRCEAAACsq
That product got him nominated for Househusband of the Year-everybody loves bacon. Move over Jessica!

Juicy-househusband_of_the_year (1)

 

Glad to see that there is life after The Real Housewives of New Jersey!
Unknown housewife-blank

 

*Content for comedic purposes only. Not intended to be taken seriously*
 

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About the Author

Convicted Felon * Thief * Liar * Felonlicious * Change of address coming soon–Alderson Federal Prison–prisoner # tbd (to be determined)

  • Susan Thorne Zavagli

    Ya gotta laugh ………I think Brandi is looking to be cast for a soap part

    • twifan2

      Poor thing needs all the soap she can get! :/

      • Susan Thorne Zavagli

        in her mouth

  • BaybeK8s

    Happy Saturday AATT family!! As usual Twi, you did not disappoint. The recreation of Jessica Simpson is priceless.

  • WestCoastFeed

    I love it. Thanks again twi.
    Did you miss one? Where’s Amber?https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/553538160027009024/bw5SWu9k.jpeg

    • twifan2

      Maybe she’s the one under the paper bag? 😉

    • twifan2

      WCF, you cheering on Seattle?
      Or who?

      • WestCoastFeed

        I’m in the I don’t care for football crowd.

        • twifan2

          :p
          j/k I actually rather watch football than basketball now. Basketball season just too drawn out now.
          & baseball season is so far away. 🙁

  • TJ Marcus

    Loving the Juicy pics

    • twifan2

      Bacon connoisseur? 🙂

      • Raine Woman

        I can only hope you made that up but sadly it’s probably real!

        • twifan2

          Unfortunately or fortunately-depending on what you favor-it’s real. :/

      • TJ Marcus

        Oh my Yes!! But Please don’t hold it against me.

        • twifan2

          Won’t.
          But ONLY if you share a slab. 🙂

  • Raine Woman

    Juicy Simpson….Hilarious!!!!

    Thanks, twi!

  • twifan2

    HAPPY SATURDAY Everyone! 🙂
    GO RAVENS!

    • twifan2
      • Raine Woman

        Hey Trixie, you need to update your address in your bio. You’re in Danbury not Alderson, you silly felon. LOL

        • twifan2

          sssshhhh Raine.
          *Trixie hiding from her creditors. Trying to throw off her sorry butt-self* 😉

          • Raine Woman

            My bad, sorry. 🙁

          • twifan2

            Chats says he’ll split the ‘finder’s fee’ with you.
            95-5! He gets the larger portion. :/

          • Raine Woman

            Fair’s fair…Chats is bigger than me and with you in the pokey….well, a cat’s gotta eat!

            I’m trying benevolence on today. How does it look?

          • twifan2

            Tilt your head a little to the right…….perfect. ;D

  • RealitytvJunkie

    Thank you for making my Saturday worthwhile. Thanks Twi.

  • twifan2

    Think the Housewives franchise on it’s way out?
    New Jersey ones might be feeling the $ money pinch, if some won’t be getting a paycheck soon!

    • WestCoastFeed

      I’m going to have to rethink Dina’s financial situation. Look at how Lexi travels–

      Lexi Ioannou @boho_chicken
      Off to somewhere way warmer than NYC✈️✌️ http://t.co/p9Y44dn8u0

      • twifan2

        :/
        FL is warmer than NYC. So are parts of Cali.

        • WestCoastFeed

          Her next tweet was a pic from Malibu.

          • twifan2

            Guess she didn’t have a workload over the holidays?
            Or worrying about registration for the Spring semester? :/
            Must be nice!

      • twifan2

        Think someone else besides Zender paid for her ticket?

        • WestCoastFeed

          Who paid for the monogrammed LV? Or the Chanel bag? Maybe her daddy, whoever he is.

          • twifan2

            Can’t say much. Chats & Mags have their own LV pet carriers. :/
            I have to use Wally World’s luggage.

          • WestCoastFeed

            They have their priorities straight.

          • twifan2

            Want a cat?
            Want a dog?
            You know something’s way wrong when Chats has more travel mile points than you! :/

        • Marsbars09

          Most likely.

      • Could be money from the show Dina is spending like crazy.

        • twifan2

          From the show? It can’t be that much.
          College tuition, Zender’s new apt,-don’t see how that Bravo paycheck covering it all. GLAM’s $ must be a joke!
          & I don’t see Zender doing anymore GLAM snoozemercials!

          • TGIP – Nene’s New Wig

            Poor baby….

          • Marsbars09

            LOL!

      • Marsbars09

        Where in the hell is Dina getting this money? Plus it’s really not right that Lexi and Dina are showing off like that. Dina can be in the poor house just like that!

        • WestCoastFeed

          They have enough to fly off to Paris to celebrate the new year. Now they are off to Malibu because it is too cold in New York. Maybe Tommy is paying a lot of alimony just to get her and all that clutter out of his house.

          • twifan2

            Alimony? Zender signed a pre-nup.
            She gets nada!

          • Marsbars09

            If that’s the case Dina needs to be stashing the cash to support herself instead of blowing it on trips around the world.
            Dina is such a dumb b*tch.

          • TGIP – Nene’s New Wig

            Marsie, I love YOUR camp delivery!

          • Marsbars09

            Thanks sweetie! How are you today?

          • TGIP – Nene’s New Wig

            Oh My…GREAT after seeing Twi’s Saturday Funnies!
            What’s shakin’ Bacon?

          • Marsbars09

            I’m getting ready to meet a friend for lunch.

          • TGIP – Nene’s New Wig

            Have a, what are they, Mojito…that’ll set cha on your funny bone in no time!

          • Marsbars09

            Thanks TGIP!

          • TGIP – Nene’s New Wig

            You Betcha!

            And its Saturday…Go for it!

          • twifan2

            Liquid lunch? 😉

          • Marsbars09

            No you Wally World connoisseur. I’m going to a FINE dining establishment, thank you very much. 🙂

          • twifan2

            ‘FINE dining establishment’-does that mean no plastic sporks?

          • Marsbars09

            LOL! Girl you’re too much.

          • twifan2

            Do you get to have a ‘doggie bag’ for leftovers?

          • Marsbars09

            We’ll see. This will be my first time going to this restaurant. Would you like a review of my dining experience?

          • TGIP – Nene’s New Wig

            I would…absolutely!

          • twifan2

            Most definitely! Thanks 🙂

          • Marsbars09

            I’ll share my experience with you and TGIP.

          • twifan2

            And I shall share my afternoon’s football menu with you! 🙂

          • twifan2

            What kind of food do they specialize in?

          • Marsbars09

            Steak, seafood, pasta, and other cuisine I’m not aware of.

          • twifan2

            DANG! I have a craving for Greek today.
            Making Gyros for the game later. 🙂

          • TGIP – Nene’s New Wig

            Maybe it’s a Bring Yer Own Cutlery (not bottle) type of joint?!?

          • twifan2

            I have a Victorinox Swiss Army knife with a spoon, knife attachment!
            Will that do? 🙂

          • TGIP – Nene’s New Wig

            If it fits in the puhrse, it’s Okie Dokie!

          • twifan2

            It sure does!
            Even in my jean’s back pocket. 🙂

          • TGIP – Nene’s New Wig

            Ahhhhh…Burger King!

          • Marsbars09

            LOL! Oh TGIP, not you too!

          • TGIP – Nene’s New Wig

            Nah, I really like the benchmark Chile Relleno as a “tell me how good da fude is” test drive for Mexican Restaurants…. You know…with the Margarita (no salt) on the rocks!

          • TGIP – Nene’s New Wig

            Bon Apatite…Marsie!

          • twifan2

            Can you take pics?

          • fred

            hope he taste good

          • Marsbars09

            Someone please flag this troll.

          • twifan2

            Mars, fred is harmless. 🙂
            He meant it as a joke.
            Ask him not to post to you then. I’m sure he’ll comply—UNLESS you say something very interesting, then all bets off. 🙂

          • Marsbars09

            Thanks Twi. I’m just not familiar with Fred.

          • twifan2

            He’s friendly enough, Mars. 🙂
            I’d take fred over Dana any day! ;D

          • Marsbars09

            OK. 🙂

          • Enjoy! 🙂

          • Marsbars09

            Thanks.
            And you have a disgusting troll roaming this site.

          • twifan2

            AND she’s ‘supposedly’ getting apt in NYC?!
            NOT CHEAP at all!

          • Marsbars09

            How is Dina going to do that?! She is one delusional nutjob.

          • twifan2

            I guess Trelusional is contagious. 😀

          • Marsbars09

            They were two peas in a pod.

          • twifan2

            Only thing is, Zender was trying to ride Tre’s butt to ‘fame’ & a paycheck. 🙂

          • Marsbars09

            Ha ha! Didn’t work.

          • twifan2

            Fur shur! 😀

          • fred

            dina can come live with me ,I like nutjobs

          • twifan2

            No one will fight over her here.
            Have at her, fred! & may God have mercy on you! ;D

          • Babson_Chick

            just too funny!!

      • twifan2

        WCF, do you remember how long it was after Apollo was put asunder that he gave an interview from prison?

        • WestCoastFeed

          He surrendered in August, didn’t he? The In Touch article came out in November. So, I guess we’ll be reading about Tre in a couple of months.

    • Marsbars09

      Hi Twi. I think the franchise has run it’s course. It lost focus on what the original concept was really supposed to be about: affluent wives spending time with their families, going to charities, galas, various social functions, going on vacation, etc. No one wanted to see catfights, bankruptcies, foreclosures, divorces, and family drama.
      I bet Andy and the network honchos regrets allowing the franchise get out of hand the way that it did.

      • twifan2

        I think the franchise is on it’s last leg!
        Lost interest. WAY too scripted! No glam, just crassness!

    • Marsbars09

      I think Mel working for the Vanderpumps and Joey being a cabaña boy is not too far fetched. I think they will be one of the cast members that will be hurting for money the most if RHNJ is not renewed.

      • twifan2

        Hi Hi Mars! 🙂
        I bet Zender, Melissa, Joe G.& maybe Nicole are hurting for the Bravo paychecks!
        The Juicys also!

        • TGIP – Nene’s New Wig

          AND the Notoriety…that might be just as difficult to have to lose!
          Sad Schlubbs….

          • twifan2

            Cheers, TGIP! 🙂

          • TGIP – Nene’s New Wig

            And a HI FIVE with elevation!!!

    • TGIP – Nene’s New Wig

      These jokers are NEHVER going to find any other job that pays them so much cash!

      If they got used to it and let themselves count on it to pull their butts out of debt, they are going to hit the skids in record time.

      And TWI, phenomenal artiste that you are, gave them so many different viable job ideas that they should consider, ay.

      And the outfits…ARE TO DIE FOR!!

      • twifan2

        SAD! Just sad!
        That stamp money could be going for a BETTER cause!

        • TGIP – Nene’s New Wig

          If she’s receiving fan mail, I wonder if she’s also receiving non-fan mail.
          And I bet that the prison guards and the other inmates are real happy to be having to sort her mail (sarcasm abounding). Anybody think that she’s making all sorts of points in prison with all of the surrounding inmates and prison personnel? Not to mention her getting more notoriety because she’s complaining about her ability to do extensions, and probably hair color and nails and not to mention the “bland food” complaints.
          Anybody want to start a pool?

  • Marsbars09

    Great job Twi. I love your predictions of the jobs the RHNJ cast might have if their show is not picked up next season. I know the Gorgas’ really need that check.
    I especially like the pics of Joe Giudice posing with the vacuum and the bag over Tre’s head reading, “I’m not famous anymore”. God I wish that were true.

  • Bwahahaha! GREAT job, Twi. Joe and his Swifter is the best!!!

  • TGIP – Nene’s New Wig

    Wow, that was superb!
    But, with ideas like you have and how wacky yet marvelously to the point they are, you should be doing some kind of comedy writing or stand up shtick! Shewweeeeee!
    Your family must be laughing all the time!!!! You are too frickin’ FUNNEEEEEEE!

  • twifan2

    Does anyone remember how long it was after Apollo was put asunder, that he gave an interview from prison?

    • TGIP – Nene’s New Wig

      Not a clue.

      • twifan2

        We need WCF!
        She might be able to enlighten me. 🙂

    • Chloe

      I would say 2 months after he asundered.

      • twifan2

        Thanks Chloe! 🙂

        • Chloe

          Ur welcome.

  • Chloe

    Very funny. Hahahaha!

  • italiano bambino

    Lmfao too funny

    • twifan2

      Hi Hi Bam! 🙂
      NOW this is funny! smh

      Teresa Giudice doesn’t have access to MAC products, but a company has jerry-rigged a Sephora-like experience that will keep her fresh and young-ish.

      PRIV — an app that sends a beauty expert straight to your door — sent Teresa a letter offering beauty hacks for pretty women behind bars. The products generally have a primary purpose that is not cosmetic, but they work in a pinch. They include:

      — Vaseline, which acts as a lip exfoliant. PRIV advises that Teresa gently use a toothbrush to buff her lips with the lubricant, wipe with cool water and dab dry.

      — Advil Liqui-Gels. Break open the capsule. It’s great for acne.

      — Protein Powder. Add a few scoops to the commissary conditioner. It boosts hair growth and locks in the moisture and shine.

      — Uncooked Oatmeal and Coffee Grinds. Great for the skin. Combine in equal parts and add just enough water to make a paste for a simple scrub. The oatmeal soothes while the coffee invigorates the skin.

      • italiano bambino

        I’m laughing still the juicy posing with the vacuum sooo funny im taking that photo but credit you if you dont mind. Hilarious

        • twifan2

          Go for it! Enjoy!
          Make it a calender photo! 😀

          • italiano bambino

            Im sharing it very clever twi

          • twifan2

            He makes you hot, Bam! 😀
            j/k!

          • italiano bambino

            Lol if was THEO JAMES

          • twifan2
          • italiano bambino

            Holy DAMN romain that’s a MAN!

          • twifan2

            BACK OFF BAM!
            He mine! :p

          • italiano bambino

            No i saw him first

          • twifan2

            Share? 🙂

          • Babson_Chick

            yep – he’s hot – leaving to get a cool drink…..and maybe a fan…

          • twifan2

            I turned on the AC! 🙂

          • Babson_Chick

            lol but I insist on a piece of his action – dueling at dawn?? With our fave drinks of course.

          • twifan2

            Dawn? After sunrise Mimosas?
            Olives, twist of lemon…my choice of garnish? One from each below. 😉

            http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/1b/99/7a/1b997a6338d90e757816e42048cfac52.jpg

          • Babson_Chick

            Yes, Yes, Yes and Yes for sure

          • Flanagan

            Is this the same guy that’s in the other pic? (My glasses are steaming over….)

          • ♥♥♥ Tigerlily ·.¸¸.·*¨·.·.¸¸.

            Yes it is.

          • twifan2

            You know, I wouldn’t mind doing some of my laundry on that washboard! 🙂

          • Babson_Chick

            lol but I’d rather go swimming with him

          • twifan2

            You can only hold your breathe underwater for so long tho. 🙁

          • Babson_Chick

            but OH such fun!

          • Flanagan

            Who IS this guy? Quite a spectacular specimen of the male species.

          • ♥♥♥ Tigerlily ·.¸¸.·*¨·.·.¸¸.

            That is Romain. He’s married to the infamous ‘fishy’ Joanna Krupa of RHoM. She & Brandi of RHoBH’s are best know for going off on each other & have been duking it out on social media. Back & forth, back & forth. As far as I’m concerned both need to shut the hell up & let it end.

          • Flanagan

            Ah, I didn’t have the strength to watch the Miami clans. That’s okay, I’ll be content to gaze upon this photo, and be content in the knowledge that I can still appreciate the magnificence of the perfectly waxed and toned body of a gorgeous hunk of man. Even though I am old enough to be his mother.

          • ♥♥♥ Tigerlily ·.¸¸.·*¨·.·.¸¸.

            Nothing wrong with admiring & acknowledging his fine genetics & hard work. (◔◡◔) That’s my story & I’m sticking to it! (>‿◠)✌

          • Flanagan

            Me too, Tigerlily!

      • TJ Marcus

        Can you imagine how much odder she’ll look with straight greasy hair and no makeup. Plus every week she will be losing valuable tan skin layer’s. By next January the kids won’t know who the skinny man is.

        • twifan2

          I’m wondering how low her forehead will be?
          Reach her eyebrows maybe? :/

  • Not Shady Pines! LOL I needed this.

    • twifan2

      You just know Sophia will make Joe’s Poison day! ;D

      • Oh yeah they’re all going down.

        • twifan2

          OMG! The visual I have now! 😮

  • Babson_Chick

    Love the Bacon product and the pic of Joe!! Needed something funny – Thanks!!

    • 4theHighHeels_4theRawDeals

      That was awesome.

      • Babson_Chick

        Yes!!!

  • 4theHighHeels_4theRawDeals

    Hahahahahaha! I like the one that has the paper bag over her face “I am not famous anymore.”

    Funny stuff! Great ob Trixie Felonabulous (gee where did that SN come from?)

  • WestCoastFeed

    A little premature ejaculation in the twitterverse today when a tre hugger mistakenly thought Teresa had reached one million followers. There was a small burst of fireworks until someone realized that twitter rounds up numbers.

    • Babson_Chick

      Oh my – sounds just like Tre & her followers – no thinking at all, just jump right in and then Boom – another bubble burst

  • ♥♥♥ Tigerlily ·.¸¸.·*¨·.·.¸¸.

    Juicy in his boxers with the swifter! HILARIOUS! Awesome again Twi.

    Saw that some company came up with a jerry-rigged, Sephora-like experience, that will help keep Tre fresh and young.

    R’uh r’oh! Looks like Tre mixed up the protein powder with the skin exfoliant.
    Dang gurl!
    Hope one of her fans sends an electric razor or weed whacker soon!

    • Is that Joe Gorga? Bwahahahahaha!!!!

      • ♥♥♥ Tigerlily ·.¸¸.·*¨·.·.¸¸.

        Ha-ha-ha! Actually that’s Conchita Wurst. She’s a singer, so they say. I don’t agree. Thought it was Kim Kartrashian at first, lol!

  • WestCoastFeed

    The Daily Mail is reporting that no one went to visit Teresa in Danbury today. Instead Juicy took Gia and Milania to a cheer competition. Later their broker held an open house at the mansion and Juicy went to the San Michele Social Club in Paterson. Perhaps they will visit Tre tomorrow.

    • Marsbars09

      OK. I hope they visit Tre tomorrow….

    • twifan2

      I’m wondering IF Juicy is able to go to CT?
      We’ll see.

      • WestCoastFeed

        If he needed permission from the court, I am sure it would be granted.

        • twifan2

          I’m sure he’ll have to get his lawyer(s) to get an amend to his plea deal(if there isn’t one already), that he can travel within the US freely. Maybe not? :/

    • twifan2

      Hope they wear their seat belts! >(

  • WestCoastFeed

    Will we be inundated for months by PR reports from Tre’s camp telling us how splendidly she is dealing with prison life? Will we be hearing about all the new friends she has made? How helpful she is being to the other inmates? Maybe teaching them cooking tips, like how to make ice cream sangwiches? Or maybe training them in how to do the model position, with head tilted, hand on hip, fingers glued together? She has so many skills she can share.

    • twifan2

      ‘Borrow’ recipes from her new friends to put out her new crookbook?

    • Sunny

      “…fingers glued together”….LoL!