Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: “Star Sighting” [Episode 5]

Posted on Dec 17 2014 - 1:15am by BeachSpin

RHOBH

We begin this episode of “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” in Mallorca, Spain, joining the Umanksy family on their ultra extravagant family vacation. Yolanda is rocking her best Baywatch look, as she emotionally deals with the news of the DUI arrest of her daughter Bella. She is afraid of melting down and eating more than four bites in front of Kyle, and can’t wait to leave, so she can begin her American soil excuse rehearsals for her extremely mature since the womb, and oh SO extraordinary, but kinda drunk daughter. She switches gears between minimizing the seriousness of drunk driving, and being a genuinely raw, grieving mother, and I am seesawing between annoyance and empathy, but it’s Yolanda, so of course annoyance wins.  Yolanda is no longer in charge of Bella’s destiny and life, and determines that Bella is actually an extra crummier version of herself, with Gigi solidly retaining her better version status. Mauricio and Kyle are more than gracious, and try to keep the energy positive, even though downer Yolanda is really putting a damper on the extra ostentatious vibe they were going for.

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It’s tea time at Eileen’s, and she and her visiting niece are ready to rehearse some script lines. Eileen explains that her husband loves the money she makes while she’s working, plus it’s much harder to bicker when she’s never home. She and her niece cram onto a love seat that looks like it’s in the middle of a cluttered flea market storage room, wave her giant Emmy around, and practice their best soap opera glares. 

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Back in Queen Lisa’s private space, the roadside housekeeper Magdalena brings in a bathed Giggy, shamefully mistaking the probably grateful pup for a grubby dog, and not a baby that just needed a change.  We are reminded about Lisa’s upcoming award ceremony, while she jams Giggy into a hideous mint green number, as he rolls his eyes. Lisa Lips is getting ready for the same trip, and she is touched to be Lisa V’s faithful cheerleader, for the big event. GOOO L-I-S-A!!

Eileen is reporting to work at CBS with her son Jessie, who grew up schlepping to work with his mom. Jessie seems less than thrilled to be at that stinky studio, but it’s fun to get a little peek into the life of a soap star. King David is also hard at work, and is too busy earning his Tony to have lunch with Yolanda. Yo decides that no is the wrong answer, and busts in to force feed him dry chicken anyway. Yolanda is digesting being the mother of a newly immature reprobate, and thanks David for handling the incident in her absence, like a champ. David even asked the famous Dr. Phil to please explain Bella’s lapse of perfection, who wisely reminded him that middle children tend to resent being labeled mature at birth.

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The force feeding continues, and this time Brandi’s podcast is on our listening menu. Brandi explains that she’s committed to giving the best family friendly smut interviews possible, and Vivica Fox pops in to help her out. Vivica comes through like a focused pro, and drops about a half dozen F bombs, which makes Brandi feel like her old trashy self again. We skip back to CBS, where Eileen fills us in on her favorite soap opera roles, warmly noting a priest raping favorite. Eileen loves her job, especially when she gets to make out with guys in the shower.

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Kim and her ex, Monty are getting pedicures, and besides the foot close ups, it is a nice scene between two close friends. Ken and Lisa arrive in Palm Springs, and are excited to spend a couple of days away.  The two Lisas are going to hang, because the rest of the women are just flat out party poopers, and a couple of her best gay besties are way more fun. We see Kyle and Mauricio glide on home in their giant, and hopefully impressive limo, just in time for Brooke’s wedding. Kyle’s dogs were missed, and one of them scores a Chanel dog bowl, while Kyle squeals with proud delight.

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We hop over to Lisa and her friends sitting down to dinner, and Rocio has come along as Giggy’s date. We hear of Ken and Lisa’s 22 year old son Max’s relationship with a 36 year old, and the whole table throws side eyes, while Lisa shares tidbits about the sort of odd match up. We top off the dinner by discussing what a wonderful support Lisa is to the gay community, and how Brazilian bikini waxes leave women vulnerable to the harsh elements. Rocio looks uncomfortable, and dumps Giggy to get the heck out of there. The intrusion continues, as we flash to Yolanda almost clunking three people in the teeth with her Martha Stewart picnic basket, while forcing herself into a musical scene, as the King forces a weak smile through clenched teeth.

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Back in Palm Springs, Max, Pandora and Jason arrive to celebrate Lisa’s big day. A second special day is kicking off, because it is Brooke’s wedding day! Kyle whines about so much gluttonous opulence causing jet lag…was coming home a day earlier for such a special event never even considered? Kim plays along when Kyle asks about the dress code, somehow expecting the viewers to believe that Kyle put more thought into a dog dish, than what she would be parading around in during a televised wedding. Monty and Kim meet up, and it’s a sweet and heartfelt display between two parents who are about to give their daughter away. It’s time for Lisa’s star ceremony, and the other Lisa is excited because she is in her element around any sort of glittery star. They arrive to a crowd wearing pink, except Lisa, who is strangely wearing black. Lisa, Giggy and Ken are introduced, and Lance Bass congratulates Lisa for supporting the whole pretty gay town of Palm Springs. Lisa is excited that her star is neighbors with Sonny Bono’s….I so agree!  The star is revealed and it’s snazzy.  

Lisa Vanderpump Honored With Golden Palm Star On Palm Springs Walk Of Stars

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Kyle has decided that KIM’S daughter’s wedding is HER moment too…but apparently not momentous enough to have returned home in time to be rested, known the dress code, or have had a dress chosen. The three Richards sisters look lovely, and Kim cries as she remembers Brooke as a baby, while some old family photos are shared. The pre-wedding, and wedding visuals are beautiful, and the couple is adorable. Congrats to Brooke and Thayer...but it looks like all of this heart warming nonsense is coming to an end next week…and I am READY!

 

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About the Author

I am a coastal girl who loves the outdoors, and writing about the sneaky and silly side of reality TV. My bio is short, but my snark is endless, and I love writing for the sharpest posters in the world. Follow me on Facebook

  • TartLemon

    One thing I didn’t understand was Kyle saying Kim’s daughter was the FIRST of the Richards sisters kids to marry. Nicky Hilton, daughter of Kathy, has been married at least once. The marriage may have lasted only long enough to get to the attorneys office to terminate it, but it was a wedding nonetheless. Kyle has this tendency to play every season like the previous seasons never happened. I thought the white goo lips were over this season, but they get back from the Mediterranean and low and behold there they are again.

    No, Yolanda, GiGi did not just have ONE glass of wine and decided to go get gas in her car. She was DRUNK from many drinks. Rumor is pills had been ingested too. Kim and Yolanda are BORING I don’t wish suffering on ANYONE, but we
    all have our personal burdens to carry. I don’t have the time or desire
    to dwell theirs. Kim, Kyle and Yolanda need their own show together
    so I can not watch the self pity and wallowing.

    The only reason I still watch is the Lisas and Eileen. I don’t even mind Brandi as long as she continues the plot of trying to build a career and moving past the failed marriage instead of constant meddling.

    • Jennymckitty

      I believe Yolanda. Bella had one glass of wine…it was served in a super sized big gulp cup, but it was still only one glass.

      • MorningYawn

        It was one of those g,lasses that holds an entire bottle…

      • TheBeverlyHillsHaveEyes

        LOL. Wine bottles are glass right? Maybe she meant one glass bottle.

  • TheBeverlyHillsHaveEyes

    Thanks Beach Spin for a great recap as always 🙂

    Yolanda is doing her damnedest to expose Lisa as a terrible friend. This is what really really annoys me about her and Brandi – they both keep throwing shade at Lisa but then complain that she doesn’t move on. Why can’t they accept that “moving on” doesn’t mean going backwards and pretending they are all lovey dovey again?! Lisa’s idea of moving on seems to be to maintain a polite but arms-length relationship with them and in my book that’s far more real than what they are trying to do. Yo has exposed herself as a real phoney IMO, both in friendships and with this perfect facade she is desperate to keep up about her life and family. She lied about what she said in Paris, lied about Lisa and the finger painting party, lied about Kim and the Lemon Cleanse appointment and lied about her daughter’s DUI.

    BTW did anyone see Brandi’s one-on-one interview of Andy? She is still bleating on about Eddie and LeAnn. Still throwing shade at Joanna Krupa. Still being a prized drunken gobshite. Even Andy looks like he really has had enough of her.

    • Yolie

      I saw it and Brandi is a drunken mess. A total embarrassment to her herself and kids.

      • TheBeverlyHillsHaveEyes

        So embarrassing. Her attempts at flirting with Sandra were cringeworthy. I think Andy deliberately had Sandra on there to put Brandi in her place.

    • BeachSpin

      YW and I love your RHOB comments! Thanks for reading!

  • Get out

    All I got out of this episode is that Kyle is a idiot, Kim’s hair looked beautiful at Brooke’s wedding, and Kyle is an idiot.

    • Birdie11

      LMAO!!! In a nutshell.

    • BeachSpin

      Pretty much nailed that.

  • Jennymckitty

    I enjoyed last night. Brandi was only on for a few minutes, didn’t interact with the rest of the cast and gave us a glimpse on how much move enjoyable the show would be without her.
    The scenes between Kim & Monty were heartbreaking. Kim seems to have it more together when she is helping others. Kyle tweeted last night that the wedding had been moved up & that is why they got back the night before. I wonder if it is because of Monty’s diagnosis.

  • Yolie

    Beach Spin, thanks for making a snooze fest of an episode sound great. Lisa irked me, inviting the housekeeper to eat at the table, then dismissing her when she didn’t want her to hear what they were talking about. Kyle’s flaunting of her wealth is nauseating, a Chanel dog bowl is so over the top ridiculous. And BTW, Chanel doesn’t make dog bowls so Kyle is buying bootleg Chanel. Reality TV platforms can only be stupid fights or stupendously boring?

    • BeachSpin

      Thanks Yolie! Thanks also for the scoop about the bootleg dog dish industry…who knew? Kyle has been nauseating in general all season…and I have never minded her much before now.

  • WestCoastFeed

    Thanks, Beach. I couldn’t get through the whole program. I’ve been trying to get interested in this cast but they keep boring me. But I did see that dinner scene with Lisa and Todd making their housekeeper join them at the dinner table. making her very uncomfortable, and then sending her off when the conversation became too titillating. Now I have a better understanding of why Ken and Lisa lost that sexual harassment suit and have to pay such heavy damages. They do treat help like serfs.

  • MorningYawn

    I loved the wedding scenes with Kim. Those emotions were so real. She was so proud and looked beautiful. I loved her hair! Kathy Hilton is a be-otch. “Tears if joy. Bittersweet.” Her tone said “get over it and let’s get this show on the road. I have more important things to do.” I did enjoy glimpsing her house though. Brooke was beautiful and Thayer seemed thrilled. Love love love weddings!

    • Birdie11

      I LOVED Kim’s hair too!!

  • MorningYawn

    At the Palm Springs dinner table, was that Dwight, as in Taylor’s Dwight, eternal hanger-onner, continually vying for reality show airtime? I would have never ever put them together. Surely she has closer, better friends in the Palm Springs community. Weird.

    • Yolie

      Similar to Dwight in Atlanta. He was on RHOA and Married ti Medicine.

      • MorningYawn

        Must be the name… If I change my name to Dwight, will reality shows come calling??? lol!

  • All About The Tea

    Hi AATT’ers:

    Expect a blockbuster RHONJ Exclusive coming today! This one will knock your socks off! Caution: If you have cardiac issues please be prepared!

  • ImaSayinIt

    Beach Spin, you KILLED it!
    Great recap!!!!!
    Sidenotes: Eileen will always be Ashley to me~lol
    I think because I am at the same stage as Yolanda, in my kids becoming adults and having to let go of knowing what they ate all day and their every activity…SOB…I feel for her. It was good to see Kim looking healthy and in such a beautiful genuine relationship. Go Lisa! I only hear Charlie Brown’s teacher when Brandi speaks these days. Sorry not sorry. Kyle? Sigh……
    Now I am ready for the throwdowns!!!

    • BeachSpin

      Thank you Sayin’! EXACTLY…enough joy already!!! I was annoyed at my freedom to NEVER listen to Brandi’s podcast was hijacked by Bravo! How dare they!

  • Brattus Rattus

    OK… being new I don’t know if I’m going to get run out of the room but I LOVE Lisa V!
    I can’t stand Brandi the eternal victim.
    Both of the Richard sisters can just be guest stars from time to time. They kinda bore the crap out of me.
    Yolanda is so fake that she makes me want to vomit. All of the ass kissery she does to that husband of hers takes women back to the 50’s. Kill me now. She has no other talents. I get that she has Lyme’s disease and all but I have terminal cancer and I’m still not going to run behind some man to try to keep him all warm and fuzzy so he doesn’t take his money and run. I make my own. *end rant on weak women here*
    Not sure about the other two yet but so far me likey. LOL