Last night’s episode of the “Real Housewives of Atlanta” was titled “Bury the Rachet,” but I feel it should have been called “Uncovering the BullChit.”
First off, there is nothing sweet at the Kandi Factory. We see Todd in the Big Pink Chair across from Kandi complaining about the lack of work ethic Don Juan, Johnnie and Carmen. Todd continues to point out that they are not really doing anything for Kandi to help her make money. I mean just because they knock out your entire wedding in record time and help pull off A Mother’s Love, in the words of Janet Jackson what have they done for you lately? Kandi agrees to call a meeting.
Next up is Claudia rushing to work. She explains that although she has done a lot of television, she is loving radio. She gets to use her brain and wit and there isn’t a lot of pressure to be beautiful. On the other side of the door is Porsha prepping for Dish Nation by getting her makeup done. She explains that she just loves doing Dish Nation because she is able to gossip with a weave flip. She feels Claudia must be jealous because (1) she got the TV job and (2) because her check has “a whole nuther name on it.” Claudia goes across the hall after her show ends to just say hi and Porsha acts like she cannot talk and put on lip gloss on at the same time. The shade doesn’t go over Claudia’s head. Yes, they will revisit this conversation later.
Meanwhile back at the
Sour Patch Kids Kandi Factory, Kandi tells the team they need to step it up. Carmen mentions that they needs deadlines set. Kandi reminds them that they missed the boat on the song writing class and she missed that money. Don Juan calls B.S. and says he has always had her back and taken care of things for the Kandy Factory. Then he gets quiet. Kandi asks is he alright, he replies, I am doing some self actualization. That’s code for I’m about to cuss a bish out, but I will just update my resume instead.
Kenya, Cynthia and Claudia go shoe shopping. Cynthia is intrigued by Claudia because she doesn’t wear makeup like a drag queen. Claudia lets them know she is a real down to earth girl with hammertoes. While comparing feet, Cynthia and Claudia mention Porsha’s stank attitude. Kenya blames it all on her horse weave, #Horsha. Claudia says she will talk with her about it. Kenya and Cynthia warn Claudia that Porsha may be dumb but she has a nasty mouth on her #AskKordell. Claudia looks nonplussed. Kenya buys shoes and the sales girl seems relieved. #FormationOfTeamPretty
Phaedra, Kandi, Porsha and NeNe take a trip to a day spa to drink. Phaedra says she has been in hiding
to avoid her deposition due to stress. NeNe notices Phaedra has lost some weight. In her talking head, NeNe says her weight loss is only due to her man going to prison #ShadyMoose. Porsha, trying to earn that peach, mentions her discussion with Cynthia. NeNe knows her former lapdog and says she is sure Cynthia read Porsha for filth (which she did). Porsha tries to throw shade about Cynthia looks (botoxed face) and they all laugh. NeNe then talks about how she doesn’t like Cynthia’s new afro and attitude. NeNe says she misses her lapdog Cynthia and is now surprised that Cynthia and Kenya are friends #WigIsTooTight. I think we all are surprised that NeNe is friends with Phaedra, Kandi and Porsha. NeNe says she was blindsided that Cynthia doesn’t want to be her friend. It has been confirmed – NeNe and Porsha are now sharing a brain. Kandi says she was surprised that NeNe is NOT friends with Kenya. Instead of giving a reason why, NeNe switches gears and says Kenya lies a lot and so does Apollo who she thinks is lying about lying. WTF? Kandi deduces that none of the ladies will try to get along with Kenya “just because.” She plans to apologize to her.
Peter has Apollo meet him at BarOne. He makes sure he can drink on camera because he is a convict. Apollo says it’s cool. They shoot the breeze about how scared he must be to do another stretch. Then Apollo does more snitching. He cannot believe Phaedra is not his ride or die chick because back in the day when he first got out of prison, she used to come visit him and make booty calls at 3 am while he was sleeping on an air mattress with an ankle bracelet. Peter is salivating. Peter then brings up the lie and Apollo admits again, he said it because Kenya was letting the world know he was chasing her and he didn’t want any problems with Phaedra so he did the bait and switch for two years. Peter says he spoke to Kenya and she was not bitter. Apollo then asks, you think she will come and see me? #ReallyBish?
Claudia meets with
Horsha Porsha to discuss things. Porsha tries to engage in chit chat and Claudia is like, cut the B.S., you used to be nice to me at work, but now you are giving me the cold shoulder. Porsha says they are both getting paid to use their intelligence (everyone stop laughing) and don’t take it personally. Then she orders extra lemons with her water. Claudia again calls B.S. and says as sistas, they should all get along and not let others Nene influence her. Claudia mentions a facilitation between Porsha and Kenya. Porsha says “don’t worry bout the whomp whomp whomp that’s going on with her and Kenya.” As Claudia continues to initiate a peace treaty, Porsha pulls out some Tom Ford lotion while telling Claudia that she doesn’t like expensive lotion but it was a gift from her wealthy suga daddy friend. Claudia laughs off Porsha’s deflection but makes a mental note that purely says “this bish is going down.” Porsha, your pink slip is showing.
Back at the Kandi factory, Don Juan meets with Kandi for a one-on-one. He is upset that she is letting Todd influence her to question his loyalty. He even missed his own mother’s wedding so he could help Kandi with her own wedding plans. Kandi still feels he still needs to step it up. Then in her talking head she says just because someone goes above and beyond for you does that mean you cannot continue to criticize their work ethic? Uh Yeah it does Kandi.
Next, Don Juan meets with Todd and reads Todd like a paperback. While Todd is sitting in his Bravo makeshift office that consists of a table, a small printer and an old couch, Don Juan tells him basically that he didn’t build the Kandy Factory empire so why is he complaining. He says, Todd should worry about his own resume. Todd says that we have a black President and Kandi is doing nothing with Obama.
Don Juan says, Kandi has sex toys, are you kidding? There is a bunch of cursing and going back and forth. They end the meeting by shaking hands but in his talking head, Don Juan says next time Todd should use a step stool when speaking to him. #NobodyIsTeamTodd.
Kandi decides to meet up with Kenya for kickboxing class even though we all know the only thing Kandi works out are her jaws while eating. Kandi apologizes to Kenya for her part in everybody against Kenya for the past two years. Then Kandi mentions Team Petty’s conversation regarding Apollo-gizeGate.
Kenya starts to cry and say, these bishes are crazy. What else does she need to do? Apollo confessed. She finally says, phuck them and retreats to the bathroom. Kandi follows her and Kenya doesn’t allow the bravo cameras inside, but they are still mike’d, natch. Kenya continues to say that this is all about NeNe having a hard on for her for no other reason and it’s not fair. Kandi agrees it’s all bullchit, but is shocked that Kenya started crying. This from Kandi, who cries with everybody. They part ways and we are left with next week’s show down between Cynthia & Nene and Kenya & Phaedra.