Saturday Funnies: Prison Handbook

Posted on Aug 23 2014 - 12:57am by Trixie Felonabulous

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P R I S O N  H A N D B O O K

Saturday Funnies

 

 

Rule #1: Get along with the prison administration
Saturday Funnies  

 

 
Rule #2: Sharing is Caring
I give them some of my felonlicious pastas and saucez with my Eyetalian ingrediences!
Saturday Funnies

 

Rule #3: Getting along with prisoners
Saturday Funnies 

 

Rule #4: Get a prison job

I can pretend to cook!

Saturday Funnies  

Or pretend to sow stuff!
Saturday Funnies

 

Life after Prison:

Iza be a diffarant woman when Iz getz outs!

Saturday Funnies

 

  
I willz bez a hard worker!  Come sees me for my autographz! I might be wearing my new ankle jewelry!
Saturday Funnies

 

  
Prison notz gonnas be soz bad!
Saturday Funnies 

 

The Feds stillz be watchin!

Saturday Funnies

 

 

*Content for comedic purposes only. Not intended to be taken seriously*

Teresa Giudice

*Special thanks to regular poster Raine Woman for the inspiration behind today’s Saturday Funnies*

 

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About the Author

Convicted Felon * Thief * Liar * Felonlicious * Change of address coming soon--Alderson Federal Prison--prisoner # tbd (to be determined)

  • Vince Foster, Jr.

    Love the video of Teresa dancing!

  • Agstisme

    Great job Raine!! I got quite the chuckle. Unfortunately, IMO that chuckle will be on us. I don’t believe she will see one day inside a prison and I also believe that she already knows this. I think this agreement was made sometime back. Posters make comments about the Judge or Feds seeing her flaunting….doesn’t matter to Tre…agreement has been made. She is exploiting her daughters because she knows they are what this pre-agreement was based on. When sentencing date arrives, she will make a stupid statement about her “4 beautiful daughters” being the reason she avoided prison. You heard it here first!! I hope I’m dead wrong.

    • twifan2

      Hi Hi Agstisme! 🙂
      I think you’re wrong about the ‘no prison’ time. I think she will get something months. I was wishing for at least 2yrs, Praying for 5yrs! 🙂
      IF an agreement has been made, THEN she sure is looking shabby these last few weeks. Could it be that her $$$ flow is drying up?! How will she pay her bills! 😀

      • Marsbars09

        Hi Twi! Great job on the funnies!
        I agree with you. Tre looks as if she has the weight of the world on her shoulders. You don’t look like that unless you have something to worry about.

    • Morning Agstisme! 🙂

      I totally agree with you 100%. You and I are thinking alike on no prison time and everything else in your comment.

      • twifan2

        I disagree with you both!
        With all of Tre’s ‘I’m Above The Law’ flaunting, I’m sure she’s pissed off some one-the JUDGE! There will be he77 to pay!

        • I disagree!

          • twifan2

            So?! :p
            We’ll have to wait 30 days to find out! 🙂

          • I agree! 😉

    • Marsbars09

      Hi Ag! I think there is a possibility that she’ll serve time because of the way she’s been looking at her promotional appearances. She looks tired, worn down, like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders. I believe if Tre knew she wasn’t going to prison she would look more confident in her demeanor. She can barely fake a “happy” look.

  • Raine Woman

    Twi!!!!!! I just welled up a little. You ROCK!!!

    Great job! I love, love, love the dancing video. Teresa the Wannabe Thug!

    • twifan2

      Thx for the idea, Raine! 🙂
      That handbook guide was LONG! 😀 Tre will never get thru even half of it!

      • Vince Foster, Jr.

        I have an idea for next week. Teresa wants to be on DWTS, how about an audition tape?

        • Raine Woman

          Good one, Vince! Twi would kill that one.

          • twifan2

            It would probably kill me first! LOL

      • Raine Woman

        Teresa read? You must be feeling generous today!

  • twifan2

    HAPPY SATURDAY-WEEKEND EVERYONE! 🙂

    http://i.imgur.com/A2whdTH.gif

  • Vince Foster, Jr.
    • twifan2

      That’s SO bad, Vince! 😀

  • nan/4

    Raine created this? WOW! It was great! Thanks for making me LOL this morning. I wonder where I could get one of those fancy ankle bracelets. I wanna walk with some bling in my step too!!!!!! hehe

    Job well done Raine, and thanks again! 😉

    • Raine Woman

      Hiya nan! No, I did NOT create this. This is all twi’s brilliance! I’m just inspiring! Ha!

      Hope you have a great weekend!

      • nan/4

        Oh! Yes you are my dear Rainey!!! You inspire me to smile every time I “see” you…. 😉 Hope all is well for you and yours this fine day. Be well sweetheart!

        Alrighty then. In that case, GREAT JOB TWI!!!! 😉

      • Marsbars09

        Hi Raine! You provided great input and ideas for this edition.
        Thanks again!

        • Raine Woman

          Mars, you restore my faith in humanity…you really do! 🙂

          • Marsbars09

            You’re so sweet Raine.
            I hope you too have a wonderful weekend.

  • I wanted to share the following video of Nan’s son. Not only is he a brilliant lawyer but he can SING! Thank you for sharing your legal expertise on this particular thread. And now without further ado……

    *Refresh your browser*

    http://youtu.be/SGYshcHtcxg

    • nan/4

      Thanks Doc for posting the highlights of a show that my son did about 7 years ago. At that time in his life he was on a very different career path! Anyway, perhaps it’s a little too personal? I don’t know….I just thought it might be fun.

      Have a great day everyone! 🙂

      • Marsbars09

        Hi nan! I thought this was a recent clip! Your son doesn’t perform anymore?

        • nan/4

          Only by request. When his brother passed away, he decided to stay closer to home, and went to law school. He was in one Off-Broadway show, and was set to do a Broadway show when Danny was diagnosed. Then his world changed, Marsie.

          I had to laugh when the RHONY performed at “Birdland.” Michael performed there quite often!

          I hope that you thought it was fun to watch. Take care honey!

          • Marsbars09

            I’m glad to hear Danny was so devoted to his brother.

      • Good morning Nan! Thanks for sharing a little piece of you with us.

        • nan/4

          No, thank-YOU Doc! Hey, you’re all like family to me, so I thought…”why not?” 😉

          • Awwww….you’re so very sweet and kind. It’s people like you that make me proud to be a part of this community of sister wives. Love ya, darlin! ♥

          • nan/4

            Love you too Doc!

          • twifan2

            Hi Hi Nan! 🙂
            Thanks for sharing! 🙂

      • WestCoastFeed

        Thanks for sharing this, Nan. I wish I could hear it. I can see that he is a very polished performer. BTW, the closed captioning is so bad it is hilarious.

        • twifan2

          Sorry WCF. That’s You Boob for you. 🙁

          • nan/4

            I want to apologize to you Twi for the interruption of your thread though. Sorry Twi. Doc was just trying to do something nice for me because she’s such a special lady.

            Hope you don’t mind too much.

            See ya’ toots! 😉

          • twifan2

            No need to apologize to me Nan. 🙂
            Raine deserves the credit!
            Post on!

          • nan/4

            Well then my apologies go out to Raine. Think of it as an intermission. LOL!

        • nan/4

          Oh, I’m so sorry WCF!!!!

          I hope that you’re doing well today honey! 🙂

        • twifan2

          Here WCF! You don’t need to hear this video! 😉

          • WestCoastFeed

            Thanks, and I am waving to NAWS!!!!

          • twifan2

            Crack at it’s best! 😉
            Bet you & NAWS would like some too! ;D

          • Miss you Naws!!!!! *waving*

        • I wish you could hear it, he’s an awesome performer.

    • twifan2

      Is he available for birthday parties?

      • nan/4

        Only if you provide LOTS of sprinkle cookies Twi. 😉 hehe

        • hee hee! 🙂

        • twifan2

          AND I can also provide BOX WINE! 🙂

        • Tre’s Pic’s aren’t Angelic

          Seriously What a Good Singer!!!
          But how can he be 18, a lawyer plus an accomplished vocalist?
          Shewee, he looks like 18!

          • nan/4

            Hi Tre’s! Why thanks for the compliment my dear! He was 24 when he did that show. He’s now a 31 year old lawyer.

            Hope all is well!

          • Raine Woman

            You stole my Harry Connick, Jr. line! We’re done! LOL

        • Jennymckitty

          Oh Nan, thank you so much for sharing this. He is fantastic! I could see him on Broadway! You must be very proud of him.

          • nan/4

            Thank you so much Jenny! He actually was in one Off Broadway show, and had just been cast in a Broadway show when my younger son was diagnosed. After Danny passed away, he changed gears and went to law school. So now he’s a singing lawyer! LOL!

            We are very proud of him for this and so much more….

            I want to thank-you again for taking the time to let me know that you enjoyed him. You are one of the people that I feel the most comfortable with sharing parts of my life with. YOU, my dear friend, are a very special lady!

            Be well honey! 🙂

        • Raine Woman

          Oh nan, what a joy he must be to you! Good job, Mama!!!

          • nan/4

            Hi Raine! How’s my girl? I hope all is happy in your life. I’m so glad that you enjoyed Michael. He gives me more joy than you could ever imagine. Thanks for your lovely words. He’s all grown up now and is practicing law, but he still loves to perform. He actually graduated with Katherine Mc Phee from the Boston Conservatory many years ago, and was a good friend of hers. She went on to come in second on American Idol, and now stars in NBC’s “Smash.” Just a little tidbit for you! lol

            Again, it was very nice of you to comment. You’re a sweetheart Raine. Be well! 😉

  • Great job Twi and Raine Woman. I love love love the last image. That corrections officer cracks me up everytime. Hopefully Tre gets to see the inside of a prison cell but I have my doubts. I hope I’m wrong.

    • Tre’s Pic’s aren’t Angelic

      So Do I!
      Hey, if Martha Stewart had to do some time, this flea bitten stankfish should do some time too!

      • Agreed. Will it happen tho? Who knows.

    • Raine Woman

      I hope EVERY day you’re wrong! 🙂

  • WestCoastFeed

    Thanks for another silly Saturday, twi and Raine Woman. Love the kitty. Suck it up, Cupcake should be Teresa’s tagline for her new dessert line.

    • Marsbars09

      LOL! I like that tagline too.
      Raine had something to do with today’s funnies?

    • twifan2

      Dang WCF! You beat me! I was going to use that for her mail-order stuff from prison company. 😀

  • Marsbars09

    This is great Twi! I especially love the first caption where Tre proclaims with the ugly cry face she’s going to die in prison and the second where it states how to get along with prison administration. That was a scream!
    The picture with the cry face probably best depicts Tre’s mood these days.

    • Tre’s Pic’s aren’t Angelic

      Bummer for Tre!
      Oh my I’m so weepy for her…Uh… Not Even the case!

  • Marsbars09

    Shout out to Raine Woman for her part in this hilarious edition of Saturday’s funnies.

    • twifan2

      YEAH RAINE WOMAN! 🙂
      She rocks! 🙂

      Hi Hi Mars! 🙂

    • Big Shout Out to Raine!!! 🙂

      • Raine Woman

        Hullo Doc!

        Stop it, I’m embarrassed. Twi and the whole AAtT staff deserve ALL accolades…not me. I’m just thrilled to be so warmly embraced by everyone here. This site is the BEST because of the staff and commenters!

    • Raine Woman

      Hey Mars! Hope you’re enjoying your weekend. Thanks for the kind words but this is ALL Twi. She is the comedic genius!

  • Where’s T-Lily?

  • Tre’s Pic’s aren’t Angelic

    Wow!!!
    That was Great! Really quite a feat. You must have been working on this for some time or you are so blasted fantastic at what you do Twi, uh…I mean Trixie Felonabulous!

    In ONE MONTH!

    • twifan2

      Just had to sit my arse down & do it. AND a HUGE box of Wally World’s FINEST by my side helped! 😉

  • Tre’s Pic’s aren’t Angelic

    NAWS, don’t get up and start jumping around after seeing that PHOTO of your Mister Cumberbatch!
    We don’t want cha ta Huhrt yourself!
    Love YOU NAWS!!!!!!!! (ad nauseam and ad infinitum)

  • twifan2

    I was wondering if MAYBE kathy W. might be able to make these?!
    NAWS would LOVE them! 🙂

  • WestCoastFeed

    Here’s the link to Teresa”s Dessert website. Notice all the goodies in the picture–cheesecake, cupcakes, all manner of sweets. And then see the order forms for what you can actually purchase–SPRINKLE COOKIES!

    http://store.celebrityfoodsusa.com/default.asp?m=0

    • twifan2

      WHICH are NOT ‘homemade’!
      Repackaged Wally World cookies! >(

      • WestCoastFeed

        But Leotard Boy says everyone at his work loved them.

        • twifan2

          Wally World’s cookies are ok, but nothing to write home about.
          Oh Leotard Boy would say something like that! 😀 LOL

        • twifan2

          WCF, do you think that maybe investors are backing away from her?

          • WestCoastFeed

            Did the bakery back out of the agreement? Is it too expensive to try to ship some of those items that need to be kept chilled? I dk.

          • twifan2

            I don’t think the bakery was a sealed deal.
            It’s expensive all around. Making, storing, shipping, etc…

          • WestCoastFeed

            Here’s how the main page explains Teresa’s involvement–

            All of our baked goods sold with the Fabulicious logo, are under the guidance and recipes supplied by Teresa Giudice.

          • twifan2

            LOL
            AND from where did SHE get those ‘recipes’ I wonder!
            The only things I see with the Felonlicious logo on the table are the ‘cookies’.
            Who wrote up the main page summary-Wendy? :/

    • So the desert line consists of 2 cookie trays and coffee? She’s holding a tiramisu in the photo but it’s not offered as a product? This is too funny.

      • twifan2

        And that coffee of hers is made from Arabica beans-Wally World’s own brand is made from that!
        Twigs bits in it! smh!

        • You and I know it’s garbage.

          • twifan2

            Blah! Yuck!
            No way she’d have coffee made from Blue Mountain beans! 😀

      • WestCoastFeed

        Anyone who wants the tiramisu or the ricotta cheesecake or the cream puffs will just have to SUCK IT UP, CUPCAKE!

        • twifan2

          LOL WCF! 😀
          That’s her tagline now! 😉

          • Bwahahahaha!!! Nice work, you clever little devil you!

          • twifan2

            OK, is it just me or do you see the start of the no-forehead genetic trait on Milania & Audriana?

          • It’s not just you. How dreadful! 😉

          • WestCoastFeed

            Poor kids.

          • twifan2

            Are Gia & Gabriella too ‘big’ now for these photo ops?
            Tre using her ‘little’ girls for the ‘aah’ factor!

        • Ahahahaha!!! Good one, West! I guess if people want those yummy desserts, they’ll need to contact the bakery that made them.

  • twifan2

    Does anyone think old Tre there is going to find prison harder than Martha?

    • WestCoastFeed

      Yes, much harder. From what I’ve seen it sounds like Martha found house arrest much tougher than prison.

      • twifan2
        • WestCoastFeed

          Who could be. However being so close to being free and yet still confined to the house, was too much for Martha and she violated the terms and had her stay at home lengthened.

          • twifan2

            That’s going to kill Tre-House Arrest!

            Wonder if she’s seen this video? Rude awakenings!

          • twifan2

            I’ll have to find out if that building is finished by now. Imagine Tre in a building with all the inmates, instead of the ‘cottages’ they have set up when it was first built.

          • WestCoastFeed

            That was fascinating, twi. Thanks for sharing it with us.

          • twifan2

            YW. I hope the CC was good, WCF.
            I was hoping for some interviews of inmates in there at the time the docu was made.

          • WestCoastFeed

            Yes, this time the CC was decent.

          • twifan2

            It was interesting look at the place’s history. The former inmates. I had .
            forgotten about Katherine Kelly and Mildred Gillars.

            It must be so different from then & what it is now. The bridge clubs? :/

          • WestCoastFeed

            It’s hard to imagine any prison where a prisoner would waive parole and prefer to stay there. Of course, those two who were WWII traitors could not have survived life outside.

          • twifan2

            Those were the two I thought would have preferred to get a Life sentence.
            Though I am surprised Lolita Lebron was pardoned?! :/

          • WestCoastFeed

            Not that surprising I think, considering it was Jimmy Carter who pardoned her.

  • She Stinks!

    All the fuss with her and Melissa over sprinkle cookies, now Tre sticks her own label on any supermarket assortment and calls it hers. She’s a fraud, again!

    • twifan2

      It’s her way, She Stinks.
      Anything for a quick buck, the cheapest way!

      • She Stinks!

        Very true, TreHuggers will buy anything of hers and those legal bills won’t pay themselves. Not that she plans on paying for anything though!

        • twifan2

          LOL She Stinks! Yep, she keep that $$$ all for herself first. Bills are an after thought with her. :/
          Hope she has some RICH stans cause she’s going to need them to buy a truckload of her crap to keep her happy!

  • WestCoastFeed

    Melissa tweeted this–

    http://instagram.com/p/sDhQV2JC-y/

    These two are so close. I hope Milania gets placed with Melissa and Joey. And it is nice to see that they are together at the Gorga shore house. I hope Tre and Juicy are there, too.

    • twifan2

      I sort of feel bad for Joe having Milania in the house. :/
      It will be interesting tho! 😀

    • Marsbars09

      Antonia is a lot taller than Milania.
      Whatever happens to Tre and Joe I do hope that Mel and Joey make sure the girls maintain a close relationship.

      • WestCoastFeed

        Antonia is 6 months older and appears to be about 6 inches taller. Milania has a Feb. birthday so I imagine she is a grade behind in school. That may make a difference in their closeness over time. But it is sweet to see how close they are now.

    • twifan2

      WCF! I hope you’re alright this morning!
      Did you feel the earthquake, aftershocks?
      Let us know when you can, if you’re ok!

      • WestCoastFeed

        I am fine, thanks. I did not feel it. My daughter in Santa Rosa was awakened along with their screeching cats. Most of the damage is in Napa and Sonoma. I’m glued to the news this morning.

        • Thank God you’re fine. Glad to hear from you.

        • twifan2

          So good to hear that you & yours are fine! 🙂
          Yep, I’m glued to my set also!

        • twifan2

          WCF, are you north or south of the area?

          • WestCoastFeed

            I am North. I was probably wakened, but I always wake during the night anyway.

          • twifan2

            Be safe, WCF! 🙂
            Hate the aftershocks. 🙁

  • ✿♡❀♡❁ Tigerlily ❁♡❀♡✿

    Hope all the West coast AAtTer’s are all safe. Hope they & their families in the NoCal/SF Bay area are all okay this morning. Sending you all lots of love. Be safe. Take care!

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