Game of Crowns Recap: Unladylike Behavior [Episode 5]

Posted on Aug 4 2014 - 11:56am by Jamie V

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I’ll admit it, this was one was hard. Each week it’s getting harder and harder to find anything remotely redeeming in these women. Regardless, let’s get into this week’s episode! 

Picking up from last week, the ladies continue to prove that their bad behavior isn’t impervious to a pageant built around charity. Vanassa Sebastian fetches her husband and the drama continues to explode. Vanassa briefs her husband, Brian, and he instantly approaches Anthony. Victoria, Susanna Pailotta’s daughter, speaks up and doesn’t understand the drama. She calls everyone high maintenance bitches which doesn’t fly with Brian who asks her not to be so disrespectful. Wisely, Susanna escorts her daughter out of the room so that the situation stops escalating. Shelley Carbone, along with the rest of us, is over the whole thing. 

Game of Crowns

Just when you think it’s about to calm down, Nick, Leha Guilmette’s husband, seizes on the opportunity to bring up the false threats that Susanna and Lynne Diamante claimed he made. Lori-Ann Marchese and Leha both look uncomfortably as Nick demands Lynne give him a straight answer. She refuses to and this time I’m actually Team Lynne. Not the time or place. 

Shelley and Vanassa, meet for the lunch. Shelley wants to get the women together for, wait for it, a weekend trip. Does she have amnesia? Vanassa thinks it will be too hard, but Shelley is full blown naïve. She wants Vanassa to talk with Lynne so they can clear up their drama.. Talk about Lynne’s vow renewals ceremony comes up and Shelley tells Vanassa that it’s on the same date as Vanassa’s charity walk for breast-cancer. In her interview, Vanassa fumes that she wasn’t at least invited so that she could properly decline. I mean, etiquette! 

Lynne, Lori-Anne, and Susanna all meet at the gym. Lori-Ann is all business and you can easily see why she has won so many fitness pageants. The woman is ripped! Afterwards, Lynne invites them to the vow renewal, but announces that she doesn’t intend on inviting Vanassa. Lori-Ann complains that Vanassa only talks to her when she’s offering criticism. Our reigning sociopath, Lynne, says she wonders about Vanassa’s character. I’m going to stop Lynne right there and just say it. I’m not seeing much “character” from any of these ladies at this point. 

Vanassa and Lynne meet to clear the air. You can feel it the moment Lynne sits down that she is completely outmatched by Vanassa. Wanting to understand, Vanassa asks Lynne why she would betray her. Lynne rattles off some incoherent statement and wonders why she’s the only one losing a friendship with Leha. Vanassa reminds Lynne that she was the one running around telling people Nick threatened to kill her. 

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Again, Lynne doesn’t understand something, this time being why Vanassa won’t trust her anymore. Lynne admits that she backstabbed Vanassa and Shelley because hell, if she was going down, why not take everyone down with her! She keeps referencing a peace-pipe to Vanassa which I found to be as tacky as her hair. Lynne tries to spin the conversation, claiming she is the victim and that’s when Vanassa stops the S.S Bullsh*t Express. Lynne storms off and makes an odd threat involving lawyers. Ugh, in the words of Vanassa, “bye Lynne.” 

Everyone has arrived at Shelley’s home in Newport. Everyone is playing nice at this point. I’m worried about this boat ride and that Lynne might try drowning at least half of the other women. Not at all proving the validity of my worries, Lynne proclaims that if by some completely random chance Vanassa were to be overthrown, the collagen in her lips would make her float. 

Game of Crowns

Lynne and Susanna reveal that they’ve been selected to be delegates to the Mrs. United States pageant. Lynne being Mrs. Massachusetts and Susanna, Mrs. Rhode Island. Vanassa calls it another mail in crown for Lynne. She also points out that Lynne doesn’t even live in Massachusetts. 

Leha gets a phone call. Yes, it’s Nick and things don’t sound great. In her interview, she reveals to us that Nick was informed by someone in his police department that Lynne has hired a Private Investigator to get information on them. She just wants to leave. Lynne is sure that Leha being upset is because she has been chosen as a delegate. Blue-hair just keeps getting better and better. 

Back at Shelley’s vacation house, Leha bows out. She’s getting the hell out of there as fast as she can. I would be running right alongside Leha if I were there too. 

Lori-Ann just wants to get it all out in the open. Lynne, again, says she still doesn’t understand why Vanassa is angry. She accuses Vanassa of shutting down their friendship. In a very real moment, Vanassa corrects Lynne by saying no, they’re not good friends, they’re trying to be good friends, big difference. Kudos to Vanassa for not trying to make us believe that these women had anything to do with one another before the show. 

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From nowhere, Lori-Ann and Vanassa go at it and their fight can be summarized by the following: “Don’t’ talk to me like that,” and “I just did.” Now repeat that fifteen times and you have their entire argument. Someone’s realized that they’ve been putting us to sleep and decided to make a move for relevancy and her name is Lori-Ann

After Lori-Ann falls back into “who is she again?” land, Vanassa engages Lynne once more. Like a boss, Vanassa knows Lynne’s buttons and starts pushing them all by once again telling her to stop playing the victim. Shelley drinks her way through this as any normal person would. At the end, everyone apologizes, but nothing is resolved expect for the fact that they’re all drunk. 

Next day, Lynne says she only apologized because she was drunk. That was quick! Meanwhile Vanassa and Shelley steal away to have a quick chat. While Lynne and the other ladies take yet another chance to speculate and talk sh*it about Leha, they overhear Vanassa talking to Shelley. She’s upset that Lynne’s vow renewals are more important than her breast cancer walk. She demands Shelley make a choice. Just like that, Vanassa is back to being horrible. 

Game of Crowns

Shelley makes her choice, even though you can tell she doesn’t want to, and lets Lynne know that she isn’t going to be able to attend the vow renewal. Lynne, while I think has the right to be annoyed, takes it full-throttle, saying it changes EVERYTHING!  It’s a vow renewal and Shelley was supposed to be reading a poem. Relax, calm down, and more importantly, grow up. The rest of the episode shows Lynne’s pathetic “break-down” and Shelley’s very really break-down which involves her running away from her house screaming that she wants them out of her house. She just has to get away from the crazy. Me too, Shelley, me too! 

Let me know what you think! 

-Jamie V 

 

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About the Author

An English major who is a self-proclaimed nerd as well as a wine enthusiast. Loves dogs, books, any chance to take a nap, and a lover of TV, with special regards to almost everything on Bravo. Follow me on
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  • Jennymckitty

    Oh Jamie, you deserve some sort of medal for having to watch this mess and pay attention enough to write a review. I am certain there is a special circle of Hell where they air this nonstop. I could only get through about 15 minutes of one episode and I was watching during commercials on House Hunters.

    • TopGear

      Jamie is our sacrificial lamb. He deserves a gold star!

  • RealitytvJunkie

    Thank you for recapping this crazy show because it’s painful to watch these bitches. Awesome recap! Bravo must scraping the bottom of the barrel with these trashy shows. They are all trash. Every last one of them.

  • TopGear

    Jamie, love your recaps but I cannot stand this show !!! These women are Rude, Ignorant , So Mean & Just Down Right Too Evil To Watch !! This is Just My Opinion !

  • GREAT recap Jamie.

    These women are ratchet and cray! Vanessa is a self centered bully who disgraces any crown she wears….she can’t blame her horrible behavior on editing–BYE FELICIA!!!!!!!!!!!

    Lynne is a selfish bitch.

    Susanna is the type of RI’er I avoid… troublesome….looks like class but is really trash.

  • Dave

    I’m forced to watch this show. Shelley is in a class by herself. Leah needs to get that man in check but she’ll easily make this league. Two need to retire.

  • Lorn

    Great recap! This show is like watching menopausal cats claw each others eyes out –terrifying and intriguing all at the same time.