We open the “Real Housewives of New York” to what was either the sound of an Eagle shrieking, or the people of Missoula begging RHONY to leave. Kristen returns to “Antlers cabin still peeved at Heather. She feels that Heather should have respected the fact that she was having fun with GeoCaching. She hoped that, for once, Heather would do something she wanted. While still on the trail the women are discussing Kristen’s reaction and Sonja again comments that Kristen is just not a hostess. Sonja is reminded that she said the same of Carole in St. Barth.
Ramona has it right. She is back at the cabin and has made platters of fruit and cheese. She has chilled wine, beer, and champagne waiting. Although Ramona is sick of the trip, she realizes she can’t have her friend pick her up in his plane a second time, the other women would not forgive her for it. Ramona is not above kicking a girl when she’s down, so learning that Kristen is not with them because she’s upset, she throws out the “bad hostess” title, again. Wait… where is Super LuAnn to stop the nasty talk about her friend? Ha, right. Silent. Lu is headed for the beer. Heather is drinking another beer and defending herself against the claim that she’s bossy.
The ladies are impressed with the spread and as they eat, Carole goes to the other cabin to check on Kristen. This may surprise you… gird your loin… Kristen is crying, she feels that she’s been crapped on the entire trip. At the Antlers cabin, Heather admits that she has a buzz. Whaaaat? She hid is so well. We flash over to Beaver cabin as Kristen says that she’s not the type of person to cry (fish don’t swim, birds don’t fly). Carole gets her to calm down and they all get ready for dinner and a night away from the cabins. They’re going “glamping” (glamorous camping). Sonja has slept the day away and is not ready; she does not want to go and reminds Ramona that she (Ramona) is tired of spending time with everyone. Ramona makes Sonja get her things together. Heather is in another room, still faulting Kristen for ruining the day.
Ranch hand Adam leads the way. The glam tents sit near a well-appointed open air cabin. Sonja is awake now that she’s seen both ranch hands. Ramona pulls a “Ramona” and says, in a TH, that the tents in S. Africa were much nicer. Ramona is #TrueNorth. Heather grabs her things and playfully, says “move bitch” to Kristen – who is annoyed and confronts her. Heather tries to tell her it was a “friendly bitch” thing. I’m thinking that there are no friendly bitches in this crowd, and having said that, I think Kristen goes too far in not accepting that it was meant to be a friendly gesture. Ramona tells them to talk about it later, they need to find out where they’re sleeping. No dice. Kristen feels that Heather is antagonizing her. I feel like a kindergarten teacher listening to this dreck. The conversation ends with Kristen walking away – snarking that Heather is the boss. Oh mercy I’m so tired of this trip. If I was there, I would turn the car around, go home, and make them all go to their rooms.
Ramona takes charge, once again. She claims a king size bed in a private room, orders wine and heaters for the outdoor spaces… oh yeah, and tells Kristen how awful she is at planning. She claims to have lost her voice over the stress of taking over where Kristen was lacking. She gives herself the title of hostess of the trip, and thinks Kristen should thank her. In a TH, Kristen says that Ramona can go f—k herself. Heather comes in and looks as if she’s still buzzed from the day before, moving and speaking slowly. As they sit at the table, Lu tells Sonja she’s like family to her – her wicked stepsister but still family. Lu still loves Sonja despite their disputes taking into account their decade long friendship. Kristen is a dog with a bone and goes in on Heather. Heather stands on her chair and mocks Kristen, screaming that she (Heather) is bossy- she’s the boss bitch. In a TH, Heather says she can’t see where this is all coming from. Kristen tears into her, telling her that she even bosses her husband, Jonathan. She wants Heather to “own up to it.” In a TH, Heather calls Kristen a bitch for going after her family. She tells Kristen she has gone too far by messing with her family and that her husband deserves more respect than that. Kristen won’t stop, and says she’ll say it again. Heather suggests she stop really fast.
Carole gets involved telling Kristen it’s wrong to judge someone else’s marriage, it’s insulting – I think Aviva is dying with laughter from hearing Carole make the claim. Haven’t they all judged her relationship with her husband, Reid?
Kristen Glanville storms off after telling everyone that she won’t wipe their butts they can do that for themselves and if they want butlers, there they are (seriously, she is referring to the ranch hands who don’t look happy to be referred to as butlers!). I take her point to mean that she’s sick of them griping about not being catered to every moment of the trip. Ramona joins Kristen and surprises her by taking her side. In a truly pot-calls-kettle moment, Ramona states that the problem is that Heather takes herself too seriously. Ramona compares Mario and poor downtrodden Jonathan, who Ramona calls ‘Josh’, at one point. Ramona says that Jonathan walks into a room and no one knows who he is or that he’s there. Mario, Ramona says, walks in and takes over. They think Jonathan lives in Heather’s shadow. Ramona thinks he’s afraid of Heather.
The next morning brings no relief, for the viewers or the housewives. Carole and Heather share one of the king size beds and wake up talking about last night. Heather calls Kristen mean. Kristen is calling the real “Josh” – to no good end. Josh doesn’t think Heather has a character flaw, being a strong woman is just part of her personality. He supports Heather. Heather thinks that rappelling the day before caused Kristen to pop a brain cell. We find out that they will be attending a rodeo later that day – A welcomed distraction. They dress for it as if they’re going to a western wear photo shoot for Vogue. Kristen rides in the SUV, centered between Ramona and Sonja. I’m guessing that moment is also her version of what hell feels like and she’ll be making up with Heather, soon. Lu, Carole, and Heather are in the other SUV making jokes about Kristen, that rappelling sent her over the edge, literally. Heather is amazed by the rodeo and feels sad she can’t share it with Kristen. Unless Kristen apologizes, Heather is done with her. While still at the rodeo, Kristen brings up the night before with Carole. Just as she did with Josh, she is barking up the wrong tree. Carole defends Heather against Kristen’s claims that Heather couldn’t take not being in control with the geocaching. Carole claims Heather was ok with their disagreement, but Kristen’s tone was the issue.
I get what’s going on here. The editing monkeys at Bravo are so bored with these women that they keep playing their ONE conversation on a feedback loop and are only changing the visuals. Clever, clever… but STOP. There are almost NO new conversations since the geocaching nightmare. This was a waste of film and time. We could have been back in the city by now. At the same time Carole is smacking Kristen’s hands, Heather is spilling business about Kristen’s family and claims that Kristen is projecting her issues onto her. In case you care, Kristen has a nanny that sleeps over.
The interstitial is of Carole pranking the women, with help from one of the ranch hands, by dressing up in a $600 bear suit she found on Ebay, and hiding in the woods until she’s spotted. It was funny. The fun was short lived. We return to Kristen now talking with LuAnn about the fight that never ends. She is upset that Lu thinks she went in a little hard on Heather. Lu looks, to me, as if she’s afraid she’ll be caught talking to Kristen.
The next day finally arrives. It’s later in the day and the women are on the way to dinner by the river, with three chefs waiting to cook outdoors for them. Before they can leave, the “crazy aunts” argue about who is wearing panties and who likes to let it all hang out (Sonja wins). When they arrive at the “hoedown”, the women are obsessed by a 6’7” cowboy, who is one of the guests at dinner. Kristen has invited lots of the people who’ve worked for them and with them, and others they met in town. What a sweet thing for Kristen to do. There are games and everyone seems to be having a good time. For some reason, Carole drops her halter top and flashes a squirrel.
Sonja should have her own daytime soap called “Sonja’s Sad Seductions.” While the other women are having fun, she’s saddling up to a group of cowboys who appear to be immune to her charms. They were probably around when she was flirting with the chefs. This, to me, no longer feels like an empowered woman having a good time. It feels sad and desperate. She at least joins the women for games before it’s all over.
At dinner, Ramona encourages Kristen and Heather to talk. Kristen does a childlike impression of Heather, Heather tells Kristen her tone sucks. Where ARE those damned credits? Why aren’t they rolling, yet? Heather tells Kristen that she doesn’t know how to apologize when she’s wrong. Heather asks how Kristen thinks Jonathan would feel to hear some of the things she said and Kristen tells her that he would probably agree with her. #TeamNoneOfTheAbove At the end, Kristen gives something she thinks of as an apology and even says that she freaked out on Heather. They make up in a way that feels contrived and weird. Two weeks have been wasted. The editors could not have done more to turn fans off if they tried… and somehow I feel better thinking they tried rather than believing this was the best these women had to offer.
Until next week.