This episode of “Ladies of London” is the closest we get to a real “Downton Abbey” visit the very real Mapperton Estate. We begin with Lady Julie and Marissa doing yoga at Marissa’s home, discussing the trip for the ladies. Lady Julie has invited everyone to her in-law’s, Lord and Lady Sandwich, estate. Lady Julie is worried about Juliet and Annabelle not getting along. However, Caroline is more worried about being there with Caprice. She is still reeling from the rudeness over the baby-mama-drama-shower. Caroline is bringing her make-up artist Luke along because…somebody needs to pour the champagne?
Noelle joins Marissa and Juliet as they get into a van to ride to the English countryside. Noelle rehashes the whole story of the flat dilemma, the delay to move in, and how Scot wants to wait so everything will be perfect for them. Uh-yeah, right. Perfection is what he’s waiting for.
Caprice, who is panting like she’s practicing Lamaze breathing techniques, climbs into a separate van with Annabelle and announces that she is hormonal and in a bad mood. Poor Annabelle. Hasn’t she been through enough? Interestingly, Annabelle is the only one invited to stay at Mapperton Estate. Everyone else is staying at a nearby hotel…even Caroline who knows all the royals.
Back in the Brit van, Caprice tells Annabelle that she had it out with Juliet on her behalf. Annabelle told her it wasn’t necessary. In fact, it was all so silly. Annabelle is concerned that Juliet will want to talk about the 4th of July party. Of course she will. Annabelle, have you watched reality tv before? Annabelle then asks about the status of the baby shower. Caprice explains, yet again, that her friends won’t want to take four hours out of their day and drive to Caroline’s house because they all work. All the time, Caprice? Really? Something else is going on. Perhaps house envy?
The Americans are first to arrive and pull up to the castle/palace which is very brown. I much prefer the cream colors of Downton, but what are you going to do? Lady Julie and Lord Sandwich, who is the 11th Earl, are there to greet them. Caroline and Luke (who leaves) arrive, and then Annabelle and Caprice. Caroline doesn’t acknowledge Caprice and says privately that she’s tired of Caprice arriving late for attention. Technically, Annabelle was late too, but Caroline doesn’t seem to have a problem with that, instead, she asks Annabelle about the ride. Babyshower-gate is mentioned again. Caroline informs Annabelle that she was asked by Caprice to throw a shower, and when someone asks for the shower, it is not proper to then place parameters on that person. Agreed! If Caprice wants it at a restaurant she should ask Marissa since she and her husband have so many.
Lady Sandwich arrives and takes the ladies on a tour of the beautiful gardens that are on 15 acres, with thousands of roses, shaped shrubbery, water features, and lots of stairs. This is not a tour for people with knee problems. The ladies are picked up for their skeet shooting, but Caprice and Caroline don’t wish to participate. They sit off to the side and criticize critique. Annabelle kills it. Noelle wears a hat and misses every shot. And Juliet misses as well, but according to Caroline it’s because she looks like she’s going to take a poo. Marissa however, is able to a get a piece of the pigeon and wants to keep it. Bonus: it matches her nail polish!
As they eat biscuits and drink champagne while sitting on blankets, the ladies learn that dinner will be venison. Gasps can be heard. Some are good gasps and some are bad gasps. For Juliet it’s a bad gasp. She can not, will not, should not, could not, eat Bambi. Caroline notifies her that one cannot go to someone else’s house and say what they will and won’t eat.
The ladies arrive “dressed” for dinner. Caroline says that Marissa’s dress choice is: toga party attire and Juliet’s dress is: scullery maid – which brings us to this week’s English lesson. Oxford definition for scullery maid is: lowest-ranking female servant, usually working in the kitchen. Ouch! But my question to Caroline is: did you look in the mirror before you left the hotel? Caprice phrased it best when she said “one false move and her vagina will fall out.” The red and black bull fighting ensemble is that short.
The ladies are introduced to Steven Isserlis – world renowned cellist. I know this because Bravo was kind enough to list it under his name. His wardrobe choice is a drab green tee-shirt and hair that hasn’t been combed in a week. Juliet, struggling for small talk, asks if he’ll be playing after dinner. The other ladies act as if she’s asked him to denounce the venison in Bambi’s honor. He says that he won’t be playing the cello after dinner because instead, he’ll be drinking. My kind of music.
When the first course is served, Noelle is bothered by the shrimp on it. You see, she is deathly allergic to shellfish. Caprice is served green soup and tells Noelle that she is a vegetarian. Interesting. Caprice was very quiet during the lawn scene when gasps over venison were flying about. In a TH she says that when accepting an invitation, that is the time to inform your host of your dietary needs. Whatev, Caprice. Noelle is very hungry, only having a biscuit for lunch, gets up, goes into the kitchen and asks the real scullery maid for more green soup. She says there is no more. Noelle then asks for vodka. Real classy, Noelle. Why didn’t you just ask for a sandwich?
When dinner is complete at 10:00 pm, Juliet asks Annabelle to join her in the other room. Juliet tells Annabelle she is so much more fun than the Annabelle that was present at the 4th of July party. Annabelle tells Juliet that it takes roughly 5 years to get to know her. They hug it out. The ladies go their separate way for the evening. Caroline and her minions: Juliet, Marissa, and Noelle leave while Caprice stays back with Lady Julie and Annabelle. There is a warning that a battle of wills between Caprice and Caroline is on the horizon.
Tune in next week when we learn there will be no winners.