If Bravo thought they were bringing the “rich bitch magic” and leaving the rest of us wishing we were one of the Real Housewives, they’ve failed miserably, at least with this franchise. I will take my solid middle class happiness over anything the O.C. (ATL and NY) housewives bring any day of the week. All that money made from Bravo and all that misery. This franchise, more than any other, should be renamed the “Real Housewives Lacking Self-Awareness.”
Tonight on “Real Housewives of Orange County,” we start with Vicki and Heather meeting for lunch. Vicki admits that she warned Heather (Queen of Perpetual Victim-hood) that Tamra would eventually turn on her. Heather’s feelings are still hurt, especially since Tamballs did not call her over the holiday. Vicki feels that Tamra ruins every good relationship in her life – flashback to the blowout over Brooks at the clambake. I am so glad that all of Vicki’s relationships are solid. Vicki apologizes for making Heather feel bad but feels that Heather makes her feel “less than” as well. Vicki admits that her feelings are often due to her insecurities. Heather makes the “I have friends of all kinds speech,” she doesn’t look down on anyone, and is shocked the Vicki is so insecure – which she says, in a TH, is Vicki’s problem, not hers. At least they agree that Vicki is the problem. Heather doesn’t believe that she makes Vicki or Tamra feel as if they are less important than she is. The snoring comes up and Vicki talks about the snoring as her 25 year private joke with Donn but now it’s theirs, Heather says it’s not.
As a former Miss Kentucky USA, Lizzie has been asked to judge the Miss Santa Monica pageant. Lizzie talks about the pageant as a chance to relive her glory days, after being a stay at home mom. She pitches the case for Pageant queens being much smarter than anyone gives them credit for – they’re smart, like her. Lizzie realizes that with all she has going on, she wants another baby.
Tamra and Eddie are getting ready for the interview with Good Day L.A. and Tamra is nervous since she and Heather have not spoken. Heather and Terry are getting ready, as well, when he asks who the show’s guests that day are, not knowing that Tamra and Eddie are on tap <wink wink>. We flip back and forth between scenes with each woman prepping for the interview. Tamra is grateful for the opportunity, and then comments that no one will come to CutFitness if things don’t go well. Really? Really? She just now thought about that, as they are unloading the car? Is this woman EVER happy? The alternating prep scenes are hilarious, especially since Heather doesn’t stop in to speak to Tamra once they are all at the studio – something that hasn’t gone unnoticed by Tamra. Someone on air asks if Tamra and Heather are friends or not – a curious question that seems out of place if it’s not a set up. Why would a host ask about potential conflict? She must have heard something, somewhere. Heather says that they are friends. As the segment approaches, Heather is missing and Tamra is losing her crap thinking Heather is just trying to make her feel unimportant and embarrass her by not showing up. Heather is changing into workout clothes, the second big gift she’s given to Tamra, who seems a little too paranoid, in my opinion.
Heather makes it on time, but she’s out of breath and has to tie her shoe. Tamra complains in a TH about every move Heather makes and thinks that tying her shoe is a ploy of some kind. I’m not a Tamra fan, but I like her even less when she makes me defend Heather Dubrow. Big picture? GIFT! FREE ADVERTISING! Get over it!
David and Sophie are tackling her math homework as Shannon looks on. He is clearly frustrated and Sophie is lost. Shannon pours a huge glass of Grey Goose – and begins arguing with David about how he’s not making it easy for Sophie. Shannon begins helping Sophie and David sees how much easier it is for Shannon to help her. The couple begins fighting in front of her about the children’s “perks” (sports, massages, voice lessons) that Shannon seems to view as necessities. He comments about not having such perks growing up and Shannon throws out a dig she threw in an earlier episode – that he didn’t grow up with cotillion, either. Shannon describes what happens between them, in a TH, as banter… huh, because I see it as vicious passive aggressive attacks. They even argue over whether he should take a glass of water upstairs. Shannon begins talking about feeling unloved. She and David pretty much pass like strangers in the hall while she puts the children to bed, later that night. Since David goes to bed at the same time as the children, Shannon states that she spends about 3 -4 hours a day with him and as everyone else sleeps, she’s up and all alone. It appears to me that Shannon doesn’t see that David feels like a fish out of water in the world they live in. This is terribly sad. Sophie stated earlier that there are times when her parents aren’t happy.
Brianna and Ryan show up at Vicki’s, with Troy, to reveal the sex of the baby to Michael and Vicki. They bring a box full of balloons to be opened. The couple had the gender written on a card and asked the party store employee to fill the box with seven balloons that indicate the gender when opened. Brianna feels that Vicki wants her to have a girl to follow in her own footsteps. Vicki goes control freak and yells about them not moving fast enough to get the box open. Indeed, Vicki is saying she wants pink balloons. It’s a boy, and everyone is happy, but Vicki thinks they’ll have another baby soon because Brianna wants a girl. Brianna is happy the baby is a boy because things will be so much easier with two boys. Vicki talks a lot about how well she knows her children. Has she been right about anything her children want or care about?
Tamra invites Heather to lunch. I hate lunch scenes so much I’m thinking of skipping lunch in my own life to avoid having a RH flashback. At the same time, Shannon is at the doctor’s complaining about chest pains and is having a stress test. She reveals that David, who can’t communicate with Shannon, sent her an email stating that he thinks that he should move out for a while. She states that this is not supposed to happen, divorce is not an option and she wants to find out what she needs to do to make it work. She decides that she can get on the same clock as her husband, even going to bed at the same time. She doesn’t know why she felt the need to stay up alone at night. I hope the Beadors are working things out, each giving the other what’s needed. I resent returning to the scene of Tams and Heather at lunch. It’s what you expect, each is the biggest victim on the planet, neither is truly responsible, or seemingly sorry. The other should have done more. There were even tears and accusations of one not being real friends to the other. Why am I watching this show? These two women, alone, are making me miss the now canceled Miami Housewives, and I didn’t watch RHOM.
The interstitial? Lizzie calls home and talks with Christian about his adventures as the only parent on duty that day. Kingston, who has had a wild day, keeps hanging up on mommy. My toddler nephew does that too. It is so much funnier when it happens to someone else.
More lunch meeting. Heather, without a sense of irony, says that she feels that Tamra wanted to publicly humiliate her and that Tamra wanted the world to know she was angry with her.. sorta’ like the treatment she gave Shannon at the hoedown? More repetition of how the competing gym ended up on the show. More denials. The custody fight with Simon comes up as Tams tries squeezing out a few tears about how Heather betrayed her at the first party Shannon threw. She reveals that she knows about Heather’s comments to Eddie about her wanting a child to keep him (in essence). Heather appears to be genuinely sorry that she spoke to Eddie and added to Tamra’s pain. She asks for a little slack from Tamra (whose tears quickly are dried). Tamra wants Heather to cut Shannon some slack. Heather isn’t having it – even mocking Shannon’s voice and comments. In a TH she states that Shannon is in the position she was in four years ago with an unhappy marriage.
We end with Lizzie and her mother in the kitchen. Lizzie is doing a nipple check with mom, Margaret, and recalls that when she was 15, her mother was yelled at for getting implants for her; even though her breasts are real. They are focusing on baby talk and the flashback to Christian wanting another baby over a successful swim line (easy choice, for him). Margaret takes a deep cut to her finger as they are talking about her helping out with another baby – which does not seem appealing to her. Lizzie reveals she’d rather Christian helped out more, recounting a time when Christian left Kingston outside on a tricycle with coyotes in the neighborhood. Lizzie wants Christian to step up if they have another child. Just then he calls about Preston having two explosive bowel movements that went up his back. Lizzie is worried he’s been sitting in it all day. Yup, that clip is going to be sitting on Youtube, or whatever media exists when that kid is in high school. Joy.
Next week on the “Real Housewives of Orange County,” when Shannon confides in Tamra, who has already discussed her fragile marriage in a TH – as friends often do.