Real Housewives of New York Recap: ‘Sex, Lies And Facials’ [Episode 14]

Posted on Jun 11 2014 - 6:34am by Norrth Cafe

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We’re back at LuAnn’s Saratoga Springs rental. Kristen is twisting her face and altering her voice to mock Sonja for calling her a liar. The other women are entertained by the third grade behavior and I now see that being married to Josh and great friends with Brandi Glanville is no accident. There is something to be said for letting sleeping dogs and angry drinkers alone. The women feign concern when Sonja passes by them with her luggage, on the way to the Hamptons. Once she’s out the door, they mock her for losing while they won at gambling. They decide they’ll have fun with or without her – Sonja disappoints me by accepting their offer to spend the winnings from earlier that day with a night on the town.  Sonja stays, but grants them the “gift” of passing gas before going out for the evening.

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At the bar, the mocking continues as Carole refers to Sonja as tri- and quad-polar. Sonja doesn’t do herself any favors by dancing with, and grabbing on, anyone within striking distance. All occurring when she wasn’t demonstrating the most whack, and alternately sweet, air guitar skills. Add to that: kissing hot guys and flashing her lady panties. For me, Kristen, Heather, LuAnn, and Carole seemed small and petty, convinced that their own arrogance is reality and that poor poor Sonja is just some sloppy drunk, not to be pitied put pilloried and maligned. Heaven knows she has issues, but I’d take a baker’s dozen of Sonja any day. Heather doesn’t like Ramona’s air of superiority. Carole suggests that Aviva thinks she’s better, smarter, etc. Josh certainly treats Kristen as not just “the weaker sex,” but weak, period.  It’s interesting to me that these are the women who are Sonja’s friends when she’s looking, and belittling her when she’s not. Every time I think this show could be one of the best of the franchises, these dames make me wish for a cancellation notice.

Next up is Ramona accompanying Avery on her driver’s ed spin around the city. There are small disagreements, but Ramona is primarily supportive.  I was prepared to pity the instructor, but it’s not too bad!  Ramona teases Avery because she gets parallel parking right the first time, while Ramona struggled for months when she first tried.  On a second shot, the dear girl “love taps” the car behind her and sets off its alarm.

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LuAnn is setting up a “Look Good Feel Better” fundraiser luncheon. The organization helps women struggling with the effects of cancer. Miss USA 2012, Nana Meriweather, makes an appearance. Aviva spills the unfortunate news that her father told her that he, Cody and Miss USA spent the night together.  I am in my happy place, so I choose to believe that they were reading poetry and arguing the tenets of postmodern feminism, as well as critical race theory. If Aviva says otherwise, I will be eating my own hair  – yeah, I went there.

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Carole arrives and Lu tells her that she’s made sure she’s not sitting by Aviva.  Carole thanks her because she doesn’t need any drama.  Is it too late to change the name of this show to “Real Housewives of New York: The High School Years?” Kristen is modeling one of the dresses being auctioned off. Ramona looks bored out of her skull and Aviva is texting (a moment that becomes important, later) and then asks Heather if she can send her something crazy. Lu introduces her co-host of the event, the editor-in-chief of HollywoodLife, Bonnie Fuller.  As Fuller is talking, Aviva prods Heather to read the text, Heather begins laughing (referring to it as “so f***ing funny” – Bravo’s censorship, not mine). Heather, with Aviva’s permission, shares the text with Ramona. Lu is not amused, she transitions from high school hottie to disapproving school mom.

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Lu bounces back by bringing out a dress she loves – worn by a mystery model. Aviva bids and Carole decides to push the price to see how much Aviva wants it. Carole calls it a win-win since Aviva overpaid and can’t return the dress and the charity gets the $550.00.  The mystery model/guest is revealed to be Kelly Bensimon. Ramona thinks there’s nothing special about having her there but says she looks a lot more put together than before (cue the fight footage between Kelly and Ramona).  Just when I thought it was safe in my happy place, Aviva suggests that Miss USA did indeed have sex with George and Cody – he swore on Aviva’s leg that it was true. There are things I’d rather not know. Two young women being hit by the ball dust of an aging swinger ranks right up there on the list. Sonja thinks George wanted her in the ménage a trois. You’re supposed to never say never, but HELL to the NAH, NEVER! 

People are laughing and having a good time without her, so of course Lu is upset and wants to confront Aviva about the conversations involving George’s sex life.  Speaking of feeling a little less special, Kelly talks with Carole about the book she wrote about the Hamptons.  Kelly, a writer. Well. 

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Lu is still fixated on Aviva, while at the same time Ramona approaches Miss USA – in front of a crowded table to grill her on the details of her arrival and departure at Aviva’s. Ramona is channeling a busted version of “Columbo” (Google him, young folk) and Miss USA tells a completely different story – she met them at a party, didn’t spend the night but left around 8 pm that evening, didn’t see them again, a complete and utter denial of George’s story.  Honestly, did Ramona think that at a charity event the woman would confess on camera to a complete stranger (not to say that there is anything to confess, but c’mon!) Ramona tells Miss USA, whom she describes as gorgeous beyond words, what George has said.  She doesn’t buy it because she thinks Miss USA is too good looking for him.  The jury is out.  Right now I pretty much hate either what she did, or why she did it, or both. I don’t know which is worse but to embarrass that young woman in front of a table of people who could have been reporters, gossip columnists, family or foe, was just inappropriate. I’m glad that Miss USA got to add her 2 cents and that wouldn’t have happened without Ramona.

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Kristen goes to Sonja’s, keeping a date to get a facial. Pickles opens the door and tells Kristen no one has seen Sonja.  It’s not clear if she’s been out all night or if she left early in the AM for coffee, and no one seems overly worried.  Later, Sonja does a walk of shame into the house – yeah, the cameras are just coincidentally there and waiting. In case you’re wondering, she didn’t leave early for coffee. We again see a blurred view of Sonja’s underpants as she’s taking off her morning suit (the guy’s t-shirt and hat, her skirt). Sonja says that she thinks walks of shame are more like victory laps.  She plans to throw Kristen out when she’s done to invite the guy she met at Jamie’s to come over. The facialist, Satoko, breaks the news that she’s heard that Sonja has been seen hanging out around the corner with some guy with long dark hair. Satoko then asks about the French boy from St. Barths – NO! YES!  She’s referring to the Johnny Depp look alike, Tomas. Kristen will be sorry she asked who he is. The topic of LuAnn comes up when Sakoto talks about what she’s heard about Lu, that she likes short Frenchmen because she likes control in the bedroom. Kristen wants someone to put a sock in Sakoto.  Put a sock in Kristen. Sakoto is spilling tea EVERYWHERE!  Allegedly, Sonja slept with Russ and now Kristen feels that she must tell Carole about what she’s heard…you know, because it will remain a secret if she doesn’t tell it – even though it’s being filmed.

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Lu and Carole meet in the park. Carole, who asked about Cody being a “squirter” last week, finds George repulsive this week and thinks Aviva indulges him too much. Lu thinks that Aviva invited the former Miss USA because she certainly didn’t, and neither did anyone on her staff.  Here comes Kristen shares Sakoto’s news. Lu laughs and says that she’s going to “wring that bitch’s neck” but angrily demands to know who “that crazy bitch” is when the rumor of Lu cheating is shared.  Carole refuses to believe the hook up in L.A. story. Is Carole “that” woman? Russ is beyond reproach and Sonja is lying for attention? I don’t know if Russ was laughing at or with Sonja, or if he was flirting in St Barths, as Sonja alleges.  The footage of their introduction in St. Barths shows Russ looking intrigued, though not necessarily attracted.

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The interstitial is of Ramona and Avery shopping together. Avery’s personality is strong, Ramona’s is stronger. I shared Avery’s pain when Ramona joked that she might move into the dorm with Avery, since the things she’s picking out are so nice.  Lesson learned.

Aviva is having an art party at home, thinking the curse has been lifted and that she can have a drama free party.  She has included a piece from LuAnn’s daughter and compliments her work. Kristen finds it strange that Aviva wants them to give her feedback.  She also makes an awkward joke that in a painting of two men walking through Chelsea, they are obviously gay. Lu vows that she is done with Aviva – I hate that wounded prey mentality these women have!  It’s too cowardly that they go after Aviva for everything. Lu refuses to believe that Aviva did not invite Nana. Aviva explodes over LuAnn calling her a liar. Heather has been pardoned for her role, it seems. LuAnn calls George a pedophile – I really resent the misuse of that word, and from LuAnn of all people, the woman who mocks the poorly chosen words of others.  Now Lu explodes when Aviva tells her that she shouldn’t be judging what other people do. She doesn’t understand how LuAnn can be so judgmental, her daughter makes art about sex.

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The Real Housewives of New York City Photos - Recap- Aviva's Sexts and Sonja's Secrets.clipular

Ultimately, nothing has been resolved and I now realize just how little interest I have in these women.


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About the Author

I’m an exasperated soap fan who keeps hanging on – waiting for the daytime I once loved to return to its former glory! Hey, it doesn’t hurt to have a dream. I learned to love soaps thanks to my wonderful mother and grandmother. I’ll always have fond memories of daytime, most especially of ‘Another World’, my first stoap love. The ever great, but sadly defunct, daytime shows like Ryan’s Hope, Search for Tomorrow, The Doctors, Loving, and many others keep a special place in my heart, as well.

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  • distressed

    Great recap, Norrth. I love your style.

    Loving Luann this year, so far she is the only one who has confronted Aviva on her morbid and unhealthy obsession with her father’s sex life.

    • ✿❀❁ Tigerlily ✿❀❁

      Hi Distressed. Ita, seems like ADiva is just as creepy & unsettling as her father! YUCK!

    • Birdie11

      Their dynamic is off the charts WEIRD!!!

    • I agree, it’s unhealthy.

    • Norrth

      I know some families are open about sex, but George is an extreme case.

  • Great recap Norrth!

    • ✿❀❁ Tigerlily ✿❀❁

      Hi Doc! {{{Waves}}}. Have an awesome day today!

      • You to my sista from anotha mista #Tough

  • SAMRA1116

    Great recap —-better than the damn show—these high school women have lost their mind.

    • ✿❀❁ Tigerlily ✿❀❁

      I totally agree with you Samra. These women acted like insipid little spoiled brats at that luncheon! Shameful to say the least.

      • SAMRA1116

        It was and for Aviva to make such a big deal about. LuAnn was correct, but she dies the same thing. They ate all sickening. There’s not one person on this show worth saving. Sonja is getting worse, but I still like her for some unknown reason.

    • Totally agree….Hi Samra!

    • Norrth

      They are getting MEAN.

  • ✿❀❁ Tigerlily ✿❀❁

    Awesome recap Norrth. Good job.
    Good Morning All! Hope you all have a wonderful day!

    Hard to believe it but the Cuntess has won me over this season. Oops sorry, my bad. Countess, old habits die hard!
    Really surprised LuAnn didn’t call Heather out on her bad behavior too.
    Not one of these women know how to act like they are grown. It just keeps getting worse & worse.
    Sonja, please get help. You used to be fun & funny but it has quickly turned into sad & pathetic.
    RoMOANa, just go away & take ADiva & her disgusting old lech of a father with you!
    How dare you go up to Miss USA & say those things in front of all those people. Were you raised in a freakin’ zoo bish? No class! No class at all!
    The rest of you Ladies at the luncheon who had no self-control, gtfu already! You were so incredibly rude & juvenile while Ms. Fuller was speaking I WAS embarrassed for you! Shame on you! This was an opportunity to bring something good & wonderful like breast cancer awareness to the forefront & it became an episode about ADiva’s lecherous old man, his Pimp Momma & Miss USA.
    Really starting to rethink whether I want to waste any more of my time with this garbage show anymore. SMDH.

    • Morning Sunshine!

      I enjoyed this episode. Lady Morgan looked like she had been rode hard all night and HARD! The crotch shot while in Saratoga was kind of wonderful in a “nothing worse than a drunk woman” kind of way. *SIGH*

      No Elvis art for Kristen…funny. Inappropriate art for a little girls pink bedroom….funny.

      Aviva accusing the artwork of Lu’s daughter as being based on sex and Lu’s outraged “how dare you!” was funny.

      Kristen looked stunning in her scenes (that’s for you Raine Lady).

      • Raine Woman

        Hey Doc! Thank you, she really is a beautiful girl. And, just because you’re you and were so open to taking a second look, I have this for you…I HATE her laugh. I really, really, really hate it! So she’s not perfect. 🙂

        • Hey Raine! Thank you… thank you…for making me take a second look. The jury is still out….I’ll need to judge Kristen per episode. Last night I could stomach her and she managed not to get on my nerves. Now that LuAnn can suck it. She really got under my skin.

          • Raine Woman

            I’m all about judging per episode!

            LuAnn was back to being LuAnn last night, 100%. “Now that LuAnn can suck it.” Have you been talking with the Johnny Depp lookalike?

            Sorry, you guys are a bad influence on me! 🙂

          • Bwahahaha!!!!!!! Oh nooooo…you’re getting as bad as one of “us.”

            LuAnn the bull-dagger in the bedroom…LMFAOOO!!!!!!!!!

          • Lorn

            That Johnny Depp look-alike was hot! He looked a little better to me than Johnny.

    • Norrth

      Man Ramona is scary. I can’t believe she did that in front of everyone. Why not ask the young lady to speak with her privately? I know Ramona is a pill, but I really do believe she has the best interests of young women at heart, even if she goes about things the wrong way. I think she sees an injustice, from her perspective, and wants to right some wrongs. She’s just awkward. Cody and Miss USA 2012 are not her daughters and shouldn’t talk to them the way she talks to Avery. That’s what makes it easy for them to miss the point she’s making.

      • ✿❀❁ Tigerlily ✿❀❁

        Exactly Norrth. Her message is valid & on point but she just doesn’t have the skill or grace to deliver it properly.

  • Birdie11

    I’m loving Aviva’s evolving buttoned up stepford wife wardrobe…it adds to the family creep factor. I was horrified at the giggling during a cancer charity event…UGH…Heather is a straight up dude. I think Bravo should give Sakoto her own show…along with her gossipy industry pals…I smell a HIT. Sonya thinks she rocks…which makes her desperate, whorey antics all the more pathetic. LuAnn is killing it this season. Go LuAnn!!

    • ✿❀❁ Tigerlily ✿❀❁

      Hi Birdie! How are you? Hope all is well. Have a great day!

      • Birdie11

        Hi T-Lily! Thanks! Pretty good…have a wonderful Wednesday!

    • Hi Birdie! OMG….what an accurate description for Aviva’s look. She’s also aging quickly for some reason. I think Sonja is a riot in an insane horny old lady kind of way. I get the walk of shame and the gory details (ugh – poor Pickles), but a pixelated crotch shot as she changes clothes?

      • ✿❀❁ Tigerlily ✿❀❁

        But Rhianna can show off her tittays & bare ass all over the place, all she wants right? FFS!

        • Rhianna is in her 20’s….totally appropriate time to display drunken vulgarity and neekedness (yes, I spelled it wrong on purpose)

          • ✿❀❁ Tigerlily ✿❀❁

            Crap. I think I just turned into a crotchety old Lady!

          • AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! That looks like LuAnn in a few years…..I live for the word “crotchety!”

        • Birdie11

          I think she’s tasteless too.

      • Birdie11

        Bravo is taking advantage of the aging floozy that she is…Sonya probably loves it. I’m sure she would be thrilled at the insane, horny old lady title!! LOL! Pickles is beautiful! Hopefully she lands something from this exposure.

        • Yup!!!!!!!!!! The Morgan family is regretting the day she married into the family. What a disgrace!

          • Birdie11

            Maybe this whole shtick is a big SUCK IT to the Morgan family…maybe in a weird, passive aggressive or subconsious way

          • Good point and since she’s broke and they don’t give a damn to help her, she probably is.

  • Happywife

    What an incredibly unpleasant episode of an already disgusting show. Does anyone else feel like Aviva is grossly overestimating her father’s ability to attract women? There is no way ON EARTH that former Miss USA chick would get it on with someone like him. I think there is something horribly disturbing about Aviva and her Electra Complex. It goes far beyond her desire to create drama.

    • SAMRA1116

      Discussing that young lady sex life, she doesn’t know for sure. Aviva is not the woman she says she us. She is a crippled nasty bitch. She’s disgusting n has no class.
      Go away and take that nasty ass daddy with you. You both are perverts, who ask about their parents sex life. Ugh thus show is scrapping the bottom of the barrel.

      • Lorn

        LOL. “She is a crippled nasty bitch.” —This, this! I wouldn’t be surprised if she had slept with her dad. She and her dad seem down for whatever.

        • SAMRA1116

          Seem that way or something along that line. Aviva is not so innocent with all her antics.

  • Raine Woman

    Another wonderful recap, Norrth, Thanks!

    Please tell me someone else noticed the dress that Sonja, aka Lady Organ, wore to Aviva’s art party was the same one she skulked home in while keeping Kristen waiting. The poor parents of those interns.

    • Norrth

      LOL, I’m crying thinking of the interns not wanting to do her laundry.

  • Awesome recap Norrth….I much rather read your recaps than watch the show!

    • ✿❀❁ Tigerlily ✿❀❁

      Ditto Doc! Much more entertaining.

      • True! Her writing pulls you in as if you’re watching the show. Damn, she’s good!!!

        • Norrth

          You are both on retainer, folks! The checks are in the mail, agents 1 and 2! 😉

          • And you deserve a million dollars for having to sit through this mess!♥

  • SAMRA1116

    Who didn’t know that was Kelly —–broad shoulders n uneven breast.
    She gets me with that smiling all the time—Kandi is the same way.
    Kelly looks better—but she’s really crazy as she seems.

    • Norrth

      I fell out of my chair with this one. LORDY, I was thinking the same thing (on the broad shoulders!)

      • SAMRA1116

        Shoulders and the way she stands—

    • Birdie11

      I knew it was her right away…LuAnn certainly picked the most effective dress to magnify those linebacker shoulders!

      • SAMRA1116

        LuAnn is always chic—but she’s another Sonja —the same stories were out about the Countess getting drunk and grabbing men crotches. LOL

  • RonnieIsBack

    Welp I love LU and she is hilarious…..Carole needs to accept the fact that Sonja had her man….Great recap North!

  • RonnieIsBack

    Adiva’s dad must have a VERY BIG bank account…

    • ✿❀❁ Tigerlily ✿❀❁

      Ronnie there is not enough money in the world to make me go there! I wouldn’t touch that man if I were suffocating & the last bit of oxygen were in his balls & I still wouldn’t go there!

  • RonnieIsBack

    it was good to see tanned Kelly..she looke good.
    Ramona makes me ill.
    I love the Tiffany necklace the gossipy facialist was wearing..
    Kristen needs to muzzle it.

    • Birdie11

      I’m going to rewind and look at that necklace…I love comments like that!

    • I agree. She looked mentally healthy as well.

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  • LoLo

    The Miss USA came of as a plant to me. They need drama so they plant it. Aviva is doing anything she can to stay relevant & the only thing she has to offer is her disgusting father’s sex life. I’m not a prude & I can curse like a truck driver but I’m grossed out by his comments they are not funny. I’m over Ramona & Aviva, equally.

    I loved how no one went after attention seeking Sonja. Is she really that scatterbrained or is this an act? Her skin care lady has a big mouth & I would never give her my business.

    • Norrth

      I don’t think that child knew what hit her or what was coming – or it’s just hard for me to believe that for a few minutes on this wacky show, a person would put their reputation on the line like that! ICK!

    • Lorn

      Sonja is a weirdo. I can’t get into her at all. I watched her on an episode of WWHL with David Allen Grier and even he looked at her like she was disturbed.
      Aviva totally planted Miss USA; I hope that woman has enough spine to confront George about his lies. That woman was pretty and way better looking than his fiance. I think both Cody and George wish they could pull someone so attractive.

      • LoLo

        I agree, I’m over Sonja. I did see her on WWHL, it’s like she can’t finish a thought.

        I don’t buy George’s relationship either. I could be wrong but I wouldn’t put it past Aviva to have set up the relationship to have a story. They said Cody was more wealthy than George. I’m willing to bet she would not be with George if he was not wealthy.

  • TartLemon

    Aviva needs to GO! PERIOD! Lying disgusting POS. WTF is wrong with Bravo to do this to their brand and loyal fans. No more spine tinglingly pervy George either.

    LuAnn FINALLY crossed over into the me liking her zone. I was so put off by the condescending, superior COUNTESS thing.