Million Dollar Listing NY Recap: ‘The City Will Eat You Alive’

Posted on Apr 3 2014 - 9:41am by SouthTampaLily

 

million-dollar-listing-NY-season3pickedup[Photo: Bravotv]

It’s the season premiere of Bravo’s Million Dollar Listing New York.  Ryan, Fredrik & Luis are back in all their well-styled glory. But this season, Ryan has a girlfriend. Fredrik is settling into domestic marital bliss and Luis is trying to mature into a power player of the real estate scene.

We start off with a scene of Luis naked except for his boxer briefs that really should have been set to music and in slow motion. Luis has changed companies to – SURPRISE- working at the same company as Fredrik.  Luis says he wants to be respected not feared.

Now comes the clients – like most clients on MDLNY, Fredrik has a developer client who thinks his ground floor, loud street noise unit should bring in more money than any other place in the city.  Fredrik tries to set him straight while sitting in a chair that looks like super villains should stroke cats in it.  They huff and puff at each other and then the client agrees to what Fredrik proposed.

Like the past season, there are lots of shots of Ryan and Fredrik in the back seat of cars with drivers.  It’s all very Taxicab Confessional or Cash Cab.

Ryan’s listing has a “sky garage” – each unit has it’s own car elevator.  You drive your car into the elevator, ride the elevator up and then park your car in your unit.  Which will no doubt beg the question “Is that a car in your apartment or are you just happy to see me?”  Ryan is wearing a three piece suit with a ridiculously high vest.  Is this the new fashion?  If he was not wearing a shirt, Ryan could rouge his nipples and play the emcee in Cabaret.

Ryan-Serhant-18[Photo: Bravotv]

Ryan is talking with the representatives of a faceless mogul named Mr. Woo.  Perhaps it was Mr. Woo’s chair that Fredrik was sitting in earlier.  One of the two reps looks like singer Macklemore.  When they said “Mr. Woo won’t take anything less than $23 million,” the chorus for “Thrift Shop” should have started playing.

luis-final-pic[Photo: Bravotv]

Luis’ client wants to sell their outdated home for top dollar.  The wife says “well sell the dated kitchen to a dated person.”  Oh, why didn’t we think of that?  This woman is a real estate mastermind!  The husband and wife client then throw in a big hitch – they’ll let Luis broker their apartment IF he shares the commission with their wannabe tennis instructor turned real estate broker son, Todd. A Baby Huey-esque character.  Cut to scenes of each person intently staring at the other while Baby Huey, I mean Todd, looks confused.  Then Luis gives in and agrees to share part of the listing with the client’s son.  Proud Mama says Baby Huey, err Todd, will learn a lot from Luis.

Meanwhile Fredrik’s client throws a fit that there hasn’t been major movement on the listing in 18 hours.  Fredrik makes constipated looking faces in front of a carton of Lactaid.

Ryan decides the way to sell Mr. Woo’s Sky Garage unit is to make a movie.  He meets with two Australian movie makers.  Ryan may have been a soap opera actor in another life, but he cannot do an Australian accent to save his life!  Ryan wants a Michael Bay type helicopter movie on a kid’s birthday party home video budget.  Hijinks are sure to come with this situation.  The Australian movie makers look at Ryan like he’s nuts.

Back to Luis – evidently he has a lean, sassy personal tailor named Ian.  Baby Huey, err Todd, walks in looking like Roy Orbison in a plaid shirt.  Luis has decided to “Transform Todd.”  If Luis gets his own spin-off, it should be a makeover show.  Ian and Luis freestyle.  Luis raps in Spanish that he is the Matador.  He encourages Todd to join in.  However Roy Orbison, err Todd, doesn’t freestyle.

Luis advises that confidence equals sales.  Perhaps this is true if you are a hottie like Luis.  Baby Huey, err Todd, tries to freestyle. It’s bad, but Luis gives him points for trying.  This ugly duckling is not going to turn into a swan any time soon.

million-dollar-listing-season-3-house-tour-301-01
[Photo: Bravotv]

 

Fredrik has an open house for 250 dazed looking brokers.  His goal is to work magic so no one realizes the unit is on the ground floor.  He has advertised that he will be cooking, so he assumes the role of Swedish Chef in a big floppy white hat.  He cuts basically what is a sandwich that will be divided into canapés and declares that his cooking is done.  Floppy hat off.

Fredrik’s client makes a surprise drop in at the open, to Fredrik’s dismay.  In a scene reminiscent of the Macaulay Culkin scene in “Uncle Buck” the client asks Fredrik a long stream of interrogating questions without taking a breath or waiting for an answer. Despite the drama, one of the brokers is actually interested in the unit for his client.

Ryan’s assistant Olivia decides to give Ryan a taste of his own medicine by conducting an impromptu production of “My Imitation of Ryan.”  The impression is much better than Ryan trying to do an Australian accent.

In step two of Baby Huey, err Todd’s transformation, Luis gives him a cold calling lesson.  Todd looks like he’d rather be playing tennis.  On the first call, Todd shouts into the speakerphone like he’s talking to his deaf grandfather.  He then continues in the same “Annie, Annie, are you OK?” tone that you use in CPR class with an inanimate dummy.  The cold callers do not appreciate the tone.  They make snarky comments and hang up.  Todd looks like he’s about to lose his lunch.  Luis says some encouraging words.  Todd gets worse.  He starts to sound like a creepy stalker.  Cut to a sad, hang dog look from Todd.

Back at the Bat Cave – err Sky Garage, construction is behind but Mr. Woo’s Rep, aka Macklemore Lookalike, thinks Ryan should still be able to get $23 million pre-construction.  No one can figure out what the big hole in the middle of the unit is supposed to look like when finished.  Talk of sky vaults and stairs only gives more confusion.  Ryan emphasizes that no one is going to pay $23 million for this unit pre-construction.  The usual MDLNY shot of intense stares and then Macklemore says OK to Ryan.

Fredrik and a buyer’s broker do a negotiation dance.  Fredrik’s client yells at him, but then acquiesces.  Fredrik and the buyer play a game of “You call your client. No, YOU call your client.”  More intense stares.  Negotiated price agreed to and in true Fredrik style he does his signature high-stepping crane kick exposing very bright pink socks.  End of episode.

The trailer for this season on MDLNY contains hip swiveling, babies, flirting, Fredrik’s hubby doesn’t want to be a Housewife, Ryan vs. Fredrik, Ryan vs. Luis and a lot of people yelling a lot of sale price numbers.  Stay tuned!

About the Author

When SouthTampaLily grows up she wants to be a cult leader or Faye Dunaway in “Mommie Dearest.” Until she finds some maturity, she spends copious amounts of time watching reality television and training her cats for the circus. Follow her on
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  • cutie pie

    yessssss! the boyz are back in town..love this show.

    • SouthTampaLily

      ME TOO! 😉 And it’s not just because they’re cute! I’m hoping somehow the Asian Bow Making Ribbon Lady and a new teacup piglet make an appearance in this season, but I guess we just get Ryan’s new girlfriend!

  • TartLemon

    I think the reason I like this show so much is the high class clientele and show places without all the ridiculous HW drama. It moves too fast and these guys actually accomplish something. Every bit of it upscale. Fredrik’s my favorite.

    Season 1 of RHBH, we saw Lisa preparing her restaurant for the day like picking each stem from the fresh flower wholesaler then arranging them beautifully for each table on her own. Loved the promise of an exquisite series. Too quickly the ridiculous drama ensued. MDLNY brings me back to the exquisite sublimity.

    • SouthTampaLily

      AMEN! At the end of the day, this show is about people trying to close deals and make money. No long drawn out beating of a dead horse. Time is money! Thanks for reading/commenting!

  • WestCoastFeed

    What in deuces is a sky vault? Ryan, you’re never going to unload that turkey.

    • SouthTampaLily

      I had no idea and neither did the brokers who were listening to Ryan! I was hoping it was a big Panic Room!

  • cutie pie

    that building with the apt garage elevator was W’ren Scott’s building. there’s only one like it in ny.

    • SouthTampaLily

      RIP L’Wren Scott – a sad tale. I heard she had an 8 or 9 million NYC apartment, not surprised it was in the sky garage building. Thanks for reading/commenting!

  • Babson_Chick

    Oh darn – forgot this was on – must check to see when the repeat will be on. Love this show and the crazy characters. Also love to get a glimpse of the city’s apartments/condos. (MDL LA will always be my fav)

    • SouthTampaLily

      1) Love the Patsy picture in your Avi. 2) I am sure this episode will be re-run ad nauseam and an hour before next Wednesday’s new episode, so don’t despair you too will get to see Luis in his boxer briefs! Thanks for reading!

      • Babson_Chick

        Thanks neighbor!! She’s a lot like me (but don’t tell anyone). Yes I’ll catch one of the many reruns – Weds. night is a busy DVR time for me. Welcome also as one of our new writers!!!! Yeah!! We’re a hungry bunch!! (I live in Lakeland)

        • SouthTampaLily

          Very close neighbors! When I saw Joanna Lumley on Wolf of Wall Street I screamed “PATSY!” – my fellow movie goers were not amused! 😉

          • Babson_Chick

            My first apt. in Tampa was on Davis Island – then moved to Carrollwood – back when nothing was north of there. Haven’t seen that movie and I need to. Screw the movie goers that didn’t Get It!! Cheers luvie!!

  • WestCoastFeed

    Thanks, South Tampa Lily, for the excellent recap. This show is fun to watch. And what a relief after the depressing housewife shows.

    • SouthTampaLily

      Thank you so much! I 100% agree with you about MDLNY being a breath of fresh air. These gentlemen are not going to spend an entire season talking about whether tabloids were requested to be brought along to Palm Springs and all that other whiny Housewife blah blah! Time is money and Fredrik, Luis & Ryan are going to do it FAST-PACED with lots of hair products! Thanks for reading – it was my first recap EVER! I’m now a real deflowered woman! 😉

      • cutie pie

        *with lots of hair products*..lol..and panache!

        • SouthTampaLily

          and if episode 1 is any indication – Luis rapping/freestyling!

  • Great job South Tampa Lily! Comprehensive recap. I like this show. All the guys are fun and I’ve learned a lot from watching them.

    • SouthTampaLily

      Good thing I didn’t know the recommended word count before i wrote it. This girl is VERBOSE! 😉

  • twifan2

    Can’t decide what to look at-the guys or the homes?! 🙂
    Both look fantastic!
    Love the recap! Makes me want to rewatch the episode! I think I will. 😀

    • noarguingwithstupid

      It is a difficult decision!! The guys are adorable and the properties are just fantastic!!! Hope you are well and enjoying this fine Thursday!!

      • twifan2

        NAWS!!! How’s youses all doing today?!
        We’re getting rain starting later today. 🙁

        • noarguingwithstupid

          so happy about the rain 🙂 Check your e-mail!!! Wesus is fine here!!

          • twifan2

            YAHOOOO I’ve got mail! Happy DANCE!!! 🙂
            You’ve got mail too! 🙂

          • noarguingwithstupid

            Mail call!!!!! Nothing too new today–Must be a take it easy day!!

    • SouthTampaLily

      Thank you!! I will be fast-forwarding through the scene where Todd has a cold calling lesson – definition of CRINGEWORTHY!

  • jayshere

    Personally, I liked the recap better than the show. Just me I guess, but can do without the shouting.

    • SouthTampaLily

      The episodes would be 20 minutes long if they cut out the shouting and glaring! Stay tuned to allaboutthetea.com for more MDLNY recaps to save your ears from the shouting!